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Would you change routine visits to suit ex in-laws?

(8 Posts)
mama2moo Mon 01-Oct-12 19:47:14

The ex in laws are visiting from Canada in 2 weeks. They visit 3 times a year.

This is the first time that they have been and exdp and I are not on speaking terms. He collects the dd's from the door and drops them off at the door at his times.

I know from experience that they will try to visit (they just turn up) or will make dp tell me to let them stay at his house for longer. I will have moved by then so they wont know where I live!!

WWYD. I really dont want to change their routine as they have just started school and new child care. Plus, Sunday's are the only days that I get to spend quality time with them (apart from the 2 hours they are at their Dads). My relationship with exmil has never been great, she is very controlling.

HecateHarshPants Mon 01-Oct-12 19:54:01

make your current partner tell you to let them stay at his house for longer or make your ex tell them to let you stay at his house for longer?

If it's your ex, why tell you when it's his house?

What's the relationship between your children and their grandparents? Do they love each other? Unless they are horrible to the children, I'd suggest just bending on this one for the sake of the kids. You get quality time with them on 52 sundays a year, they are only over here 3 times a year. So 3 sundays a year is not a lot to lose, is it? Why not say that your ex can have them for the weekend so they can spend time with their grandparents and you don't have to see them (his parents) at all. If he doesn't want to do that, then say he's rejected a reasonable offer and that's all you're willing to do and he must take responsibility for his parents not seeing their grandchildren?

purpleroses Mon 01-Oct-12 20:05:00

If he asked me nicely if he could rearrange the days, or have them an extra day then I wouldn't hesitate to let them in order to see grandparents. If he tried to tell me that that was what was happening, I'd probably be pissed off and tell him no it wasn't.

If you'll have moved, then they can't just turn up at yours can they?

mama2moo Mon 01-Oct-12 20:51:20

Thanks both. At the moment there is no way I would do anything for him!

The other issue I have is that exmil likes to encourage my dd's to fight. On the floor, fighting. I just dont understand why you would do that. Im worried about not being there to supervise but really dont want them in my new house!

HecateHarshPants Tue 02-Oct-12 06:48:51

what? That's bizarre. well, with that new information, I'd keep them the hell away from the children.

Honestly. What is wrong with some people. [baffled] getting children to fight [boggle]

Unless you mean she doesn't step in and split them up when they start fighting, preferring to let them sort it out themselves. Which is quite sensible grin

mama2moo Tue 02-Oct-12 14:30:24

I know! I really didnt know what to say when she did it.

And, no. This is her getting on the floor herself and encouraging them to fight.

HecateHarshPants Tue 02-Oct-12 15:53:50

She's a freak. Pardon the bluntness.

I suggest you get her down on the floor with your ex and have them fight. [only half joking emoticon]

What kind of person thinks it's funny to get children to fight.

mama2moo Tue 02-Oct-12 18:06:51

Ha ha! My thoughts exactly.

I know, I have often wondered that myself. I will be telling exdp not to allow it in his house!!

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