all the good things about being a single parent?(33 Posts)
as the title says really, im newly single to two wonderful children and im hoping you can tell me all good things i have to look forward to.
freedom to do things as and when it fits in with your timetable not someone elses, watch what you like on the TV once the kids are in bed.
The big one I've found is I have more time because I make plans I get up get the kids sorted and go out and do whatever I've planned rather than get up wait for ex to get up, feed kids wait for ex to eat, sort kids for the car wait for ex to sort himself out etc etc etc.
I'm less than two months in but I wouldn't go back
Much, much less stress overall! Even though you have more stress in some ways, because it all falls on your shoulders, the freedom of being yourself and parenting your way more than makes up for it.
Also, depending what kind of relationship you had, it can be a massive relief just to be on your own and relax.
I think it can be summed up in 3 words - biscuits in bed!
Am newly into it too and for me it is the choice for the tv, choosing what i eat, ex was a fussy eater so we ate what he wanted, choosing when i go out although this has only been once!!!
I find it really empowering to be raising my dd by myself. Her dad isn't very involved (sadly for her) but it makes my life easier as he chooses not to be involved in the big decisions, therefore I get to make informed educated decisions without him.
Plus the tv remote is a big bonus too
I loved have a friday night disco night - we put on are fav tunes and dance around the living room - even wheels on the bus if one wants it.
Baths - the three of us having long play time in the bath.
Eating what we want and having tea time when we want it.
Days out are so much cheaper
Shutting the front door and smiling we are home and no one to tell me or make demand of me.
Sunday morning playing in the double bed - get a picnic breakfast in bed and all tucking in
early nights with a dvd
hardly dare to post on this thread - ashamed of the free flowing tears every night this week as I drive to pick 'DD up from kids club.
8 years, and I'm still getting used to it. I cope, but make no secret of the fact that I am fucking lonely and would give anything for someone to put their arm around me.
Was my birthday on Monday. Mumsnet norm = out for a meal, breakfast in bed, etc, etc,
My reality = home from work, do homework with DD, make dinner, put DD to bed. What a fuckin day for me. Happy fuckin birthday.
and I cry every day. I never, ever would have guessed that this would be my life
I love the fact that I only have to think of me and DD. If we get invited somewhere spontaneously and we can go, we do.
Food shopping is so much cheaper. Plus if we want a lazy tea, we can have one. XH wasn't a pain to feed or anything but he was very active so needed to eat a lot.
Right now my lounge has stuff all over it and I'm sitting down on MN. I know I'll do it later or tomorrow but I'm tired and need a break. Him walking out on us has highlighted the fact I need to look after myself to look after DD. So I make sure I make time for myself to keep recharged.
When the flat is tidy it's only the two of us to make it messy, no dirty pants on the floor, wet towels on the bed etc
I'm so proud of the life we have now, it's only been 7 months since he left but I feel we've come so far.
I get all the cuddles and to hear all about her days at nursery. Yes I have the shit parts too (literally sometimes) but I get all the great parts too.
I don't have to justify myself to anyone, I try and involve her dad as much as possible but for the most part I get to do what I feel is best for her.
Once in a while when she goes to her Dad's I get to go out out! Or I can stay in. Or stay in bed. It doesn't matter, I only have to think of me.
Being in charge of all finances is scary (I did it before but it seems bigger now he's gone) but I
usually know what I've spent so can budget without him borrowing my cc or spunking away cash.
When I have fresh sheets on my bed it's only me (and occasionally DD) to sleep on them. No sweaty, snoring man next to me.
I can have the temperature of my flat how suits us, not the man who is always too hot.
Woah a mammoth list there, I better stop. For what it's worth I dearly loved H when he suddenly left. But I do very much appreciate my life now.
AmIthatbad - It sounds like you're having a very rough time. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to offload.
AmIthatbad - Truly though it is much lonelier to be with someone you don't like. It's like a prison.
It sounds like you are lacking the right sort of friends not a partner.You need a fun mate for nights out/holiday, a reliable mate for help with childcare and a old friend who can commiserate with all the shit you have gone through.
The easiest way to get all those friends is if you are also that person for someone else. Somewhere there is someone that's wants to have a glass of wine with you tonight.
Can I suggest finances are easier? Organise tax credits and CB to get paid each week so you always have something. You pay your direct debits on the 1st of each month. Pay the credit cards as they come in and get free stuff for changing energy suppliers every year.
I owe loads but I love organising it all!!
Finances are under control. I'm not responsible for bailing out another
House tidiness - it's my mess
Food - he was a fussy but boring bugger
Attention - it belongs to me and the DC - no extra demanding 'child'
Atmosphere - no tension!!!! no shouting, no feeling scared, no feeling apprehensive.
TBH I rarely do it but pyjamas and slippers sums up a cozy night
I get lonely. Still a better trade off than the above
Whilst husband and I broke up in January, very unexpectedly I might add, he still lived here until April, and then moved to another place but was in and out here until he suddenly picked up and went overseas in July. So although we have been split a while I don't feel we really split until July in a sense so I am only 11 weeks into this in some ways, but I am starting to feel so much happy about life now.
Best bits..I am so much closer to all 3 of my children now (they are 14 and 8)
We talk more, we laugh more, we spend more time together, we have rebuilt into a great little unit of the 4 of us, we work together as a team, we are more relaxed now that Grumpy dad is gone, we seem to eat together more, we eat when we want and what we want. We can make plans on the weekend at the drop of a hat to have friends over.
I can watch what I want at night, eat whatever flavours of chocolate bars I want instead of sharing with someone that doesnt like coconut or nuts or whatever..and I don't have to share the chocolate at all.
The water bill has dropped significantly, no little hairs to clean up in the bathroom from his shaving, no -one to miss the toilet when he pees, no being kept awake from snoring, if I want to buy something the decision is mine, no football on the TV all weekend, I get the whole bed to myself (other than the cat), I don't have to put up with his constant stroppy moods, his addiction to playing on his phone all the time and if I want something done I just do it rather than trying to nag someone else to do it and it never getting done...do I need to keep going? I am so glad he is now someone else's problem ;)
I am so glad to not feel lonely anymore..I don't think I knew until he left how lonely I felt in our marriage and how undervalued he made me feel (he actually wasn't a bad guy at all until he cheated just for the record) One day I hope I can actually thank him for giving me a new life..I'm just not there yet.
Decorating how you want.
Saving for things you like. Including holidays you and the dc want to go on.... I'd suggest booking something now even something cheap like a weekend at haven to give you something to look forward to.
Dating. Yes it can be horrid but also fun and revitalising. Rediscover sex. Or if you're fed up of sex enjoy going to bed and not having to think about it.
Cooking what you want when you want.
Remote control control !!
Lots of things !
I was single for a few years with dd before I met dh on plenty of fish. We now have ds 4 months.
Agree with all posts. My stbx was a big baby. I love making decisions that are in my dc's best interest. I'm lying here in a warm bed with dd outside in the hallway drawing and diddling around. Ds is in my bed watching motorbikes. It's so relaxed.
Oh and one word... Teasmade! It's a revolution!
Immeasurably easier life (apart from the contact/court crap but that doesn't affect every day)
Where to start.......
Being able to be the best parent I possibly can be because I don't have to factor in objections/obstructions/interfering from clueless ex. Dd is blossoming into a confident, brave, outgoing, gregarious child who everyone adores and I'm
Dam proud of her. A friend told me the other day it was all down toe and I happily accepted the compliment because it damn well is! I also never let dd down - of I tell her something will happen its happens.
Being able to control the atmosphere in our house which is always calm and relaxed now and of course this has benefited dd and I hugely. Yes I get stressed/have to hurry dd in a cross voice but I can make allowances for a 3 year old!
More money even though I took an income cut of £40k to leave exp (shared income obv) and total financial control. Getting finances under control and forcing myself to keep on top of it was the single best way of coping with the split. I have to watch my money and I am all over the credit crunch threads. However, I've been able to say a definite yes to a group holiday next year with dd and all her pals that isn't cheap because I know I can budget for it with no unexpected bills in between and no obstruction from exp. it's a big expense to me but I want dd to have it. Exp would have griped and insisted on waiting until the last minute and made excuses. I will be paying my deposit a year in advance and know we will go.
This is more to do with exp weird attitude but I take dd out all the time and it's fab. I didn't want her watching telly every day so she doesn't. She does some brilliant activity classes andcthecrest of the time I'm not at work I seek out something for her to do with other kids/family if I possibly can. Exp has her 1.5 days a week and still cannot manage a day out with her v often. With me we spend 4/5 days out a week sometimes more. Obviously not all paid excursions etc but park/swimming/friends with kids houses/soft play/whatever. I'm not keeping her in being bored while I do housework for more than a couple of hours one or two mornings - that's my job when she's in bed. Plus I have 2 more years before she goes to school I want to make the most of her . Exp has this weird attitude about only having fun times after enduring days of him doing random things around the house. Since the split we are rarely at home yet the house is in great shape and much cleaner/decluttered than when he was there.
Lastly having much more energy for me as well as for dd. exp and his atmospheres/abuse/lifestyle was so exhausting and sucked the life out of me. Now I am able to put my mental/physical welfare first being a sign parent doesn't seem like the impossible challenge it once did
Nice post crack
My x is not nasty or abusive but just useless.
He came to take DS to a party today. claimed he didn't have the invite (I knew he did)... He then found it but went to the wrong address. I bought the gift for this one, but there's another party today and he hasn't bought a gift for the party girl. Same age as his own DC but didn't know what to buy I sent a text 2 weeks ago when I knew about the party and politely pointed out he'd need to buy a gift (as it's his friends child).
Useless, just fucking useless.
Ah yes birthday parties.....luckily ex is not invited to any of the parties dd is due to the mother's common sense so only I take her. If this situation were different he would manage to bugger it up somehow. He couldn't buy gifts for the children in his own family despite earning a huge amount - he was just intensely lazy and insensitive
He started to tell me about how he went to the wrong address and I politely cut him off as I can't bear it.
It was in a village community centre FFS. HOW can you get that wrong???
sorry for spoiling the thread. Had had a crap week, and too much wine
Yes, there are good bits.
thanks everyone. im kind of looking forward to it all but crapping myself to. all the responsibility
i do worry that i wont get use to it, but it will be nice to do what i want to when i want to.
One day I hope I can actually thank him for giving me a new life.
SuperGlumFairy - that is a great saying and I agree wholeheartedly!
I loved have a friday night disco night - we put on are fav tunes and dance around the living room - even wheels on the bus if one wants it. I do this - brilliant!!
amithatbad next time get some pals round for the wine too - I am sorry you feel like this and hope this next week is better for you. being able to have a good cry on your own and get it all out is another bonus.
I am on top of the world when it all runs well it is empowering as others have said - it is not like that all the time but I guess it isn't when you have a partner so there is nothing new there.
I also agree with the ability to decide something and then do just do it - no one to wait around for and finances more organised.
Control and the TV and crumbs in bed is great too.
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