Money Troubles

[GrownUpNow]

I try pretty hard to stay on good terms with my exP and his partner, but sometimes she (his girlfriend) approaches me with requests without speaking to him first and they are designed to pull on the heartstrings, but are I feel a bit inappropriate.

I've been asked to send money over when they have DS during the holidays. She's lost her job and they are both students waiting for their grant money.

Now I have not have any child support from him while he has been studying, he chose to pack in working and go back into education for at least four years. We spoke and arranged his access so that he does every other weekend, one week night and half the holidays. I thought this reasonable as he was at least taking some responsibility, if not financial responsibility.

He's currently looking to get a job, and I was not going to ask for child support as I know they are in a difficult situation.

So what do I do now? I can't afford the money as I am on benefits, I am moving house and my money is all tied up. I don't want to fall out with them over this, but I feel like it's a bit of a piss take expecting me to give them money to have DS.

[littlemisssarcastic]

I wouldn't give them money to look after DS, especially since it is mutually agreed contact your DS is having.

Your XP is not eligible to pay maintenance anyway while he is a student, so that's besides the point imo. I would definitely ask him to contribute towards financially maintaining DS when he starts work though.

He is happy to ask you for money to look after DS at contact you've mutually agreed, but you don't want to ask him to support his DS because they are in a difficult situation?
Sounds to me like you are also in a difficult situation, so I'd expect maintenance when he returns to work.

[GrownUpNow]

My situation is tight, but I am careful with my money, so have some put away for things like birthdays, Christmas, holidays and the like. Everything is earmarked for something though, and my cashflow is tighter this month than it ever has been, meaning I can afford to live and am not worried about where money is coming from, but I really don't have anything to spare.

Not asking for maintenance is just my way of helping him out, he has our son plenty and I am just about coping financially, so whilst things are difficult for them, I wouldn't ask for money. In the long run, him getting his qualification improves prospects for our son, so I'm happy to try to support him getting there in my own way, however, I think her asking for money without even speaking to him about it is a bit rude to be honest.

[gillybean2]

Students are allowed to have part time jobs. SUggest they both look for evening work if they are fnding things tough going and sympathise and ensure they know you budget carefully and every penny you have is earmarked.

Also point out that ex's maintenance would be reduced to account for the overnights he would have ds. Given that he pays no maintenance there is nothing to reduce/give him back...