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Single mums and dating-give me the benefit of your experience

(14 Posts)
Loobyloo1902 Wed 01-Jun-11 21:38:44

I've got a gorgeous daughter and I'm a single mum and thinking about dating for the first time in absoluuuuutely ages, at least the first time as a mum. I think I'm a bit out of practice so anyone got any tips?

What kind of guys make good partners for single mums? (and where do I find them?!), taboo topics for a first date?

I feel I may be opening a can of worms but please do give me the benefit of your experience.

PinkCarBlueCar Wed 01-Jun-11 22:18:36

I quite like e-harmony. <waits for better / more advice from others>

Gonzo33 Thu 02-Jun-11 08:49:16

I used online dating, and am now married to a wonderful man - wasn't e-harmony though.

The sort of guy who makes a good partner for a single mum is just the sort of guy who makes a good partner imho. My DP would walk on water for my DC's though, so I'm not really qualified to judge. They adore him, he adores them, he has a million times more patience with them than I do but he has no kids of his own if that makes a difference.

I met him through an activity.

elastamum Thu 02-Jun-11 14:59:37

I have been internet dating for about 18 months before I met my now BF. Met him on e harmony, but gaurdian was also a good site for dates.

My advice, dont take it too seriously, meet lots of men and dont rush into anything. there are lots of men out there just looking for a shag but also some really nice ones too. Above all have fun smile

ballroomblitz Sat 04-Jun-11 15:35:46

First guy I dated we met in a pub - friend of the friend I was with. He's a single dad himself so knew he would understand about being a single parent. Second guy ( I'm dating atm) I already knew through a college course I'd done the year before but stayed in touch. From a big family, in the 'caring profession' and loves kids. Has already had a long-term previous relationship with a single mum so it doesn't bother him about my ds.

Can't think of any taboo subjects for a first date but I'm a chatty person and if they don't like what I say they can go elsewhere.

Second elastamum with the having fun

gillybean2 Sun 05-Jun-11 14:25:21

Do you have time for dating? By which I mean do yo uget free evenings/weekends when dd is with her dad perhaps, or do you have relatives who will babysit? Or can you afford a babysitter?

Biggest hurdle I had to any kind of dating was lack of time/babysitters. Lots of guys expect you to be able to drop everything and come out for a drink and don't understand it's not that easy!

Only advice I can give re internet dating is that, yes there are a lot of weirdo's or those just wanting a shag. But just remind yourself that you are genuine and you can't be the only genuine person out there... Can you?

SaggyHairyArse Sun 05-Jun-11 16:20:02

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie, a mini hijack if you will...My BF is also brill with my kids he is very patient with me the children and he also doesn't have any kids, but my question is do you think you will have more children with your new partner? It does concern me that whilst having children is not a big issue for me DP, that it might be one day and by then i will be too old (am 37 now).

SaggyHairyArse Sun 05-Jun-11 16:24:43

If I wasn't with my BF, I would do the internet dating thing just for fun (obviously if something came of it then great) and would use my free time to do something I wanted to do. For example, since separating I have started karate which is a good opportunity to make friends (male and female) but if that isn't your bag then joining a running/cycling club or an activity at night school or something would be opportunities of expanding your social circle.

colditz Sun 05-Jun-11 16:25:43

Guys who are interested and involved fathers themselves, of smilar or slightly older children.

Saggy - I would love to have more kids with DP (I can say DFiance as of last night grin ) but I am over 40 and have a bad history of miscarriages and high risk pregnancies so it's unlikely there will be any for us.

Which isn't really helpful is it grin

SaggyHairyArse Sun 05-Jun-11 17:02:34

No, no, it is helpful because you would if you could I guess. It is hard because I am starting college and have 3 years ahead of me and then the biological clock ticking too! Congratulations on your engagement, have you set a date?

No I am still in shock lol

I would if I could is a great way to put it, but it's hard to come to terms with that I won't, IYSWIM?

QueenofWhatever Sun 05-Jun-11 17:21:54

I agree with colditz - I (bizarrely for me) have two men on the go who both fit that category. One I met through Guardian Soulmates and one an old flame from facebook.

Also think about what you want - dating, relationship, sex? Guardian guy has been a friends with benefits, facebook guy is more of a relationship thing but we're taking it veeery slowly and he lives elsewhere.

Logistics are the biggest challenge!

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