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reasonable or unreasonable

(6 Posts)
totallymashedbrain Sun 16-Jan-11 07:56:47

My ex moved out last year. Doesnt pay a penny towards my 3 year old, although he does have him a coupe of night a week. Last year because of child care and he wouldnt take time off work to look after his son my mum and dad took him away with them for 2 weeks and I joined them for a week. SO that way I got a break too, This year I broached the topic about hols and said I was thinking og going away for 2 weeks to be told 'thats fine' as I might take him away on hol too! When I told him I had booked he went ape and said I cant take him on hol he wont agree to this!! I have put up with his mental and physical abuse for years and frightened of what he will do! so as you can imagine this has really upset me and made me very wary infact terrified of the reprocusuions. This is the man who when should be havin his son doesnt amke any arrangements to pick him up for preschool , refuses to take time off when son is ill and he should be lookin after him! I have to do all the running around when its his turn to have him as he cant drive !As I have my son the most night can I take him away? thought and ideas appreciated as my mind s in a tourmoil at the mo . Many thanks for reading this

gillybean2 Sun 16-Jan-11 09:36:45

Is your ex on your dc's birth certificate? If so he has PR.
Have you defined residency or are neither of you the resident parent (officially)? Residency isn't specified unless you have been to court and it is granted to one/both of you.

Are you going away abroad or is this break in this country? If in this country he can't stop you going anywhere. If abroad he may be able to depending on what the PR/residency situation is. ie you should have the permission of everyone with PR to take a child abroad, however if you have official residency you can take your child abroad for up to 28 days. Where are you planning to go? Different countries have different policies on what is required re permission...

So more info needed before can comment on your situation.

Also why doesn't your ex pay a penny? Go to the CSA if you need to. It should be easier to get money out of him if he is PAYE, less easy if he's self employed. I do appreciate that having a couple of days off a week can be worth far more han money though, is that why you haven't persude it till now?

totallymashedbrain Sun 16-Jan-11 18:05:10

Ds stays with me 4 nights and his dad 3 nights. I had asked prior to booking and he said it was fine booked to go camping in France and to take Ds to Disney, when I told him I had booked he said he had changed his mind!

elastamum Sun 16-Jan-11 18:32:02

Tell him to get lost. You have the right to take your child on holiday to france if you want to. You dont need his permission and he doesnt have to agree. I took the kids to San Francisco and then skiing on the west coast and only told ex where we were going after we had booked it. It is none of his business.

gillybean2 Sun 16-Jan-11 18:32:59

OP you don't say whether he has PR or not. Were you married? Is his name on ds's birth certificate? If either of those is a yes then he has PR and you would need his permission to take him abroad.

If you have previously been to court to obatin a contact order or similar you may have had residency defined at the same time (ie which of you your ds 'officially' lives with. If you have not been to court and had this defined neither of you is officially resident. Residency isn't specified unless you ask a court to define it.

So if does NOT have PR you can take your ds abroad regardless.
If he DOES have PR you need his permission to take him abroad EXCEPT where there is a residency order in your favour in which case you can take him abroad for up to 28 days without his permission.
If he won't give permission you can take your ds abroad, but he may cause issues and you wouldn't want to turn up at the airport/ferry/tunnel and have them say sorry this child is not allowed to travel/
So you could go to court and ask them to grant you permission to take him abroad if your ex won't agree. He would have to give very good reasons to stop you though, which is doesn't sound like he has. w/ParentalResponsibility/CanItakemychildabroad

chakalaka Sun 16-Jan-11 21:21:44

OP, take your child on holiday and let him to take you to court (do you really think he would?). He is abusing you. Take a stand. Go to the CSA. You are not being unreasonable, you simply want to take your child on holiday. Unless there is a reasonable explanation for him not wanting you to go on holiday and you know in your heart you're not doing it to spite him (which I'm sure you're not), then bloody take him on holiday. The guy is an arse hole. Take control or he will (for next god knows how many years).

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