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One year on....massive wobble. Please help, advice needed.

(28 Posts)
Helloall1 Fri 13-Mar-15 15:38:33

Hi everyone.

Hoping there is someone who can offer some advice.

Moved to Cumbria nearly a year ago now, but not sure we made the right decision. Don't feel settled or like fit in anywhere!

Has anyone else experienced this? Not sure if it's normal to still feel this way or if we should move somewhere else and try again in fresh surroundings? If we do move, we need to do it ASAP before September for school etc.

I had hoped to be completely settled and feeling like we've made a great decision by now.

We still like the area, but I'm feeling so lonely...I hadn't realised how scary moving somewhere you don't know a soul could be.

Has anyone else moved anywhere new and had huge doubts?!?


mattybensbridge Sat 14-Mar-15 23:36:50

Hello! Sorry you're feeling so unsettled, I've been there and it's horrid.where did you move from? Have you moved to a more rural area? It can take a while to feel you belong-what have you tried already to meet folk?

Helloall1 Sun 15-Mar-15 09:23:42

Hi. Thank you for replying.

We've only moved from an hour or so away, we do love it here. There is lots to do but I may have been naive in thinking we would have made some close friends by now.

I've never had any problems making connections with people, but seem to be struggling here.

I've met some lovely people through work, but I'm the only person doing my specific role and I'm based across 3/4 different sites so I don't live near most colleagues and they are mostly quite a lot older than me.

We are still considering options, but I think I probably need to stop pressuring myself.

I haven't really put myself out there much, as our good friends are only an hour away, it's just a shock to the system not having people I can spend time with locally.

I'm just having a moan!


Wetoopere Tue 17-Mar-15 14:06:13

I've never done a big move but I moved about 20 mins away to here and it's taken 6 years to get more settled. Possibly that's just me as I'm not good at meeting people.i also struggled with anything beyond daily chat with colleagues.

Helloall1 Tue 17-Mar-15 21:49:32

I hear what you're saying, I know other new people have settled well and made groups it might just be me, haaa!

I'm trying out some new classes with DS soon so might meet people through there, hopefully.

Bit worried about job market here too, I've spoken to you before about the lack of well paid jobs in my field.

Hope you're well smile

annatha Sun 22-Mar-15 22:29:20

Hi, may I ask whereabouts in Cumbria you moved to? My husband and I are originally from South Yorkshire but moved up here two years ago. At first we lived in a little village about half an hour away from Penrith, and although it was picturesque I too felt quite isolated. I was used to being able to nip to the nearby shopping centre or city whenever I wanted, yet here everything was a drive away and everyone was either related or knew each other for years. What really helped me was being out and about in my village- it was easier when the weather improved as I would meet neighbours while walking the dog or gardening. I'm in Appleby now and if you're nearby I'd happily meet for a coffee? Since my DD was born I've found it easier to meet new people at baby groups so hopefully classes with your DS might help you too smile

Helloall1 Mon 23-Mar-15 17:59:18

Hey, we are in South lakes area, around Kendal.

Glad to hear you are feeling more settled and there is hope for us, haaa grin

Send me a message and we can try and organise a meet. How old is your DS?

holmessweetholmes Wed 08-Apr-15 21:43:18

Hi Helloall1 - I remember you from previous threads! Really sorry to hear that you haven't settled in so well. We moved here 6 months ago and I'm loving it! I haven't made any good friends yet, but to be honest I'm not somebody who has lots of close friends anyway <saddo>. I'd like to meet more people but I guess that will happen in time. I just love it here for the scenery, walks etc.

Anyway... did you make it to that meet - up in Kendal ages ago? I can't remember, because people were using their real names not their real ones obvs! If you fancy meeting up for coffee some time I'd definitely be up for that- I'm near Kendal! smile

dilladoll Thu 16-Apr-15 19:59:05

Hi there, im so sorry to hear you are feeling lonely after 1yr! We are moving up to Cumbria next month and my biggest fear is loneliness! I was hoping to make some friends on here before we go!
I'd be happy to meet up when we get there if you would like to pm me? My boys are 5, 3.5 and 17 months xxx

holmessweetholmes Thu 16-Apr-15 20:45:31

Hi dilladoll! Whereabouts are you moving to?

NKfell Fri 17-Apr-15 17:29:25

If you have any colleagues you would like to be more friendly with, it might be worth mentioning you feel like you haven't made many friends...I know that sounds mad but I'm in Keswick and a customer(!) came into my workplace and after a little chat...she steered from the weather, to moving here, to not being outdoors-y and that being a problem when making friends (which I think was well played) so I asked her to go for a coffee- she's one of my friends now!

Helloall1 Mon 20-Apr-15 16:18:54

Hi dilla, oh don't let me put you off! I'm just having a moan. I'm sure you will settle well and your children are a good range of ages so you will be busy meeting new people.

There is a lovely big park in Barrow, but I've only been to the area once so I don't know much about it. What made you decide on Barrow?

I'm a good hour away from where you will be, but I work in Ulverston one day a week usually so give me a shout when you're settled if fancy a meet smile good luck with your move x

Nkfell, colleagues are all very lovely but are spread throughout Cumbria, no one really lives near me. So trying to organise staff do's is a logistical nightmare, Haa! Plus I work in 3 or 4 different sites with people who only do 1 / 2 days a week so it's quite difficult having the time to get to know people as it is pretty hectic.
But I could definitely put more effort into spending time with some colleagues.

I suppose I meant I had thought I would have local friends by now but I guess we are always out and about so much we don't actually spend much time trying to get to know the neighbours etc.
I consider myself fairly shy too.

I think I'm mainly over my huge wobble now. Our DC has been accepted in our first choice school and I hope it will be easier to meet new people via this from September.

Hope everyone else is good and thank you for your advice x

sitandthink Mon 20-Jul-15 00:12:20

Hope you got over your wobble hello
I know what you mean except ive lived here for nearly 8 years! Moved up v young and had lots of friends in temp hotel work. They all moved on but i met my dp so didnt mind. Were quite similar in that were not massively outgoing (both from outside cumbria originally so no old school friends) and got too comfortable in just each others company and never felt i needed friends :S
It was only when i was on mat leave that i realised i know so few people and this doesnt even feel like home to me. I hoped to make changes at baby groups etc but it takes me a while to not be awkward around people and everyone already knew each other so i wasnt able to talk long enough to get beyond the awkwardness! Anyway i fell back into my old ways again until recently so have ended up here looking for an easy meet up grin

Helloall1 Wed 22-Jul-15 18:55:49

Hi sitandthink! We tried a local playgroup when first arrived but I felt really awkward too, it's difficult to break groups that are already formed.

Our friends are only an hour or so away but we miss them dearly. Im hopefull things will improve in September when our little one starts school.

I'm thinking of joining a class too. And looking for other jobs.
Someone suggested a night out or meet a while ago, but no takers yet.

Send me a message if you want to chat on here.

Hope you're enjoying mat leave.


sitandthink Thu 23-Jul-15 13:19:36

I think what you said about breaking groups that are already formed is so true and not isolated to baby groups. People generally have friendships that they have formed over years from school & work. Once you have reached a certain age people make less of an effort to make new friends and so you and I have to be the forward ones to try to make friends with people. I find this a bit embarrassing to be honest and worry about appearing overly keen so in a way make hardly any effort.

My advice to you is to take advantage of the short time you've lived in the area and be honest with arranging things with people when you do happen to meet someone you gel with - you can always just say it would be really nice to meet up as you don't know many people in the area.

It sounds really hard at your work, do you mind if I ask what you do? I'm quite lucky to be in an office and talking to people of a day who I get on ok with. I think it's what stopped me from seeing it as such an issue for so long. I 'socialised' 9-5, went to college of an evening and on weekends I was just happy to spend my time with my DP. When I went on Mat Leave and I was on my own so much that's when I was like WTF and it knocked my confidence a lot. I don't feel I could become proper friends with my work colleagues as the attitude of so many is that once they clock out that's it they go back to their own family and friends and don't socialise with one another!

I'm back at work now which is why I said I slipped into my old ways as although I'm part time, my DD keeps me busy.

I think the class is a good idea, I'd make sure it is a 'fun' one rather than for a proper qualification. The Brewery have some courses going if you're into anything arty.

Southtonorth Fri 02-Oct-15 12:22:35

Not sure if I am too late to join the discussion. We are going to be moving up to Barrow or nearby in summer due to my husband job and am a big nervous as I don't know a sole up there. Is it hard to make friends? Are people friendly?

I am coming up for a visit in October half term to try and get a feel for the area as I have never been north of Liverpool beforehmm

I have a 1,2 and 4 year old who will be in school and will be doing baby groups etc with the younger 2 but won't be working.

Southtonorth Fri 02-Oct-15 12:32:08

Sorry just noticed my typos above - I am a "bit" nervous and don't know a single "soul"!! 2 teething children and no sleep has obviously affected my spellinggrin

Excelsa Mon 09-Nov-15 22:50:36

Helloall1 - you sound lovely so I am sure it will all work out in the end. Hope things have improved with your little one at school.

Southtonorth - I moved to the Furness area from London, and have met lots of other people up here who moved to the area with work (BAE or glaxo mostly). I moved up here when my eldest was 3 weeks old and I've found it very friendly - but I think it's easiest to make friends with your first born than with the others. I've got a 1 and 3 year old, but have mostly stopped going to playgroups for the time-being (not enough time with work/nursery/preschool/swimming etc), although I do go to a music class every week (Rhythm Time), which I'd recommend. How did your half term visit go? Have you decided whereabouts you are going to live?

Givemeabone Fri 19-Aug-16 15:39:32

Hi, hello how are you getting on another year later?
I know I've not replied to this thread before but I've had a read and I'm currently in a similar sittuation.
We've been in Cumbria for 2yrs now and although we love it I think we have moved to the wrong part maybe. We're about half an hr away from Kendal and would like to move closer to it I think. Or even up to Keswick.

Eolian Fri 19-Aug-16 17:31:19

Hi Hello and Givemeabone! Just saw this thread pop up on Active again. I was Holmessweetholmes but have name changed. Hope you're doing ok.

I'm about 15 mins from Kendal, Givemeabone - we really like it here. Sorry to hear you're not so keen! Is there anything in particular you're not liking about the area?

Givemeabone Fri 19-Aug-16 17:50:32

Hi eolian thanks for replying.
We're in a small village and although lovely I think I need to be closer to more things going on.

PrestontoLA13 Thu 29-Sep-16 10:52:04

Hi, Just read this thread and it rings true for me too. I've been in the south lakes area for 2 yrs now and struggle to meet people. I moved here to be with my fiance, he has a life long group of friends and I feel quite isolated at times.
I work out of the area too so my social aspect of work isn't an option either.
Feeling a bit fed-up :-/

Willsmum16 Fri 03-Feb-17 16:31:01

I've just been reading these posts & didn't realise there were so many people in similar situations as myself. I moved to the area 3 years ago & apart from work colleagues I've really struggling with meeting new friends. I've become a first time mum to a wee girl & thought I might meet people through pregnancy but to my disappointment I didn't. Thought maybe going to some baby groups might help but my self confidence has taken a knock & find it really easy not to go & just stay at home. Hoping things will change for the better & trying to stay positive.

Helloall1 Fri 10-Feb-17 16:06:56

Hi all!

It's been a while smile

We have been here nearly three years now, wow it's flown! So much more settled, met lots of new people and have recently had a baby so I have been forcing myself to attend new groups/activities and make connections.

I've changed jobs and we've moved house. DS loves his school.

I was definitely pressuring myself. It takes time to feel settled. Thank you to everyone for your advice and support. Really appreciate it.

Hope everyone is ok x

Willsmum, are you in Kendal? There are loads of local baby related activities, I really struggle in new groups but have really surprised myself

Willsmum16 Fri 10-Feb-17 16:29:01

Yes, I'm in Kendal. I really struggle with going to groups but I've been to a mother & toddler group & I'm pushing myself to go again next week. It's quite daunting when it seems everyone else knows other mums there & I don't. Hoping after I we attend a few more sessions I'll have mum's to strike up conversations with.

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