How long does it take to feel normal?

[Figures]

Almost 6 months in and it somehow feels more difficult than when we began despite looking better from the outside - DH and I both have jobs, have a car and are settled in a nice place. And yet it still feels like an uphill battle with dealing with bureaucracy and visa issues, trying to settle into and succeed at a stressful job while a million other things are on my mind, we haven't made friends and I'm starting to wonder when it's going to start feeling semi-normal again.

When did it start to get better for you? How long did it take for you to properly feel like yourself?

[OlennasWimple]

About a year I think

At least, after 12 months you start to do things for a second time round, so there's some veneer of familiarity to what you are doing. After two years I start to feel properly settled

Be kind to yourself - even if you hadn't made an international move, if you and DH both started a new job at the same time, as well as bought a new house as well as changed bank accounts etc etc... you would feel pretty ragged at times too

[IamAporcupine]

I guess it depends on how different the new place/culture is. I think I read that it usually takes 2-3 years to feel properly settled.

It is difficult

[Gotakeahike]

I agree, somewhere between years one and two things started to feel normal. It's like kids growing though, you don't see it happen til one day you realize their trousers don't fit anymore, you don't realize you're starting to feel normal til one day you realize you're not overwhelmed amymore. I think about 6 months is one of the hardest times though because you're not past that one year mark when the cycle starts again and there is some familiarity with that, but the novelty and adrenaline has long worn off. The timeline of course can depend on how different the culture is, language, etc.

[Catinthecorner]

I’d say it took a year to feel comfortable. We’ve been here three and there’s still stuff that throws me.

We’re moving back to the uk for a bit and that scares me even more.

[Flamingoose]

I'm coming up to a year and I still hate it most days. At the start there were loads of problems I could solve - where to live, get the kids sorted, find a job etc etc. Now there's just the massive, unsolvable problem of being a foreigner in a city where I have no friends or family.

I'm giving it one more year and if it hasn't got better I'm off.

[IamAporcupine]

unsolvable problem of being a foreigner in a city where I have no friends or family. I'm giving it one more year and if it hasn't got better I'm off

As someone who left her home country far too many years ago, I'd say: be careful - time will give you friends etc, but you will always be a foreigner. You can feel settle and adjusted but I do not think one ever belongs 100%.
At least my experience.