Recent relocation - 4.5 yr old V unsettled, any advice?

[MumOfStan]

Hi all

I've posted on here before discussing our move to the UAE. Well we arrived 6 days ago and all is going as ok as can be expected i think. The thing I (naively) hadn't expected is my little lad's reaction. He's behaving in an out of character way - with screaming fits, tantrums, blanking me, refusing to come and do activities with fun things included in them, and seems very very sleepy at times too. Now I suspect this is in part due to the fact that he caught some really horrible virus the day we left, which has made him feel rotten - but as his health has slowly improved, the tantrums etc have not gone away. I realise it's the behaviour that's a problem, not him, and I am sure it is down to everything being different and not being amongst familiar surrounds - but given we are here to stay for at least a while, are there any other parents here who have experienced similar, and have some helpful, constructive suggestions as to how to tackle the behaviour and at the same time be sympathetic to what he's going through? He's starting school next sunday which I think will help - but, in the meantime....?

[MABS]

no experience as yet, so sotty no advice, but will be doing this myself in Aug so hope you get some positive help on here, does sound like his illness is affecting everything tho :( poor you.

[spamm]

We moved from UK to USA with Ds at this age and it was not easy. He also started playing up and being uncharacteristically cheeky.

These things seemed to work for us.

We stuck to the same routine as in the uk, so he felt at home as soon as possible. Maybe the fun activities are too much for your ds, he just needs "normal"?

We made his room as similar as possible to that at home and surrounded him with familiar things and photos.

We talked about home in the uk as much as he wanted,

We made sure we sent him to bed on time and he got plenty of sleep, which really helped. I used to take him swimming a lot, so he would be nicely tired.

We definitely did not indulge any tantrums and made sure he knew the boundaries had not changed.

We let him chose things like new furniture, food, etc...which I think gave him some feeling of power, so he felt some involvement in our new life, and not that it was just forced on him.

It has worked well, and he has settled down well, he is now nearly six and still our gorgeous wonderful little boy.

Good luck - and you can always come here for support.

[SafariJunkie]

Hi, We've moved countries with the DC a few times. I've never had that reaction off them, but I've certainly had fallout.

I'd say first that 6 days is nothing - 6 days is illness, jet lag, and a desire to 'go home'. But if he's acting really out of character and very tired, I'd get him to the doctor, and make sure he is not ill.

Are you in your permanent accomodation yet? Keep reassuring him that he IS home, and let him help you decorate his room and make it his own. A little nesting helps everyone!

Starting school so soon after you arrive might be tough on the little guy, too. (That depends - some kids love it and it's the perfect solution. It sorted my eldest out!) Is that the start of the school year or is he starting mid-term? Can you delay it a bit if he doesn't seem keen?

Some children react best if you show the new place off like a holiday camp, but some just want to establish home first. Do you think he might just want to sit around playing games and unpacking and watching some tv?

[spamm]

By the way, my ds used to say thing like "I want to go home to England" any time he was told off. I listened carefully and tried not to dismiss it, but it was no different to saying " I want Daddy" when I used to tell him off in the UK.

It is hard not to let this get to you, as you are probably homesick as well. I used to go and have a cry in the toilet! But I used to say things like: ok, but first let's stay here for a while and see how things go, ok. It's a big adventure for us as a family, all together, and then distract him with some other activity.

Be gentle on yourself, the first year is the hardest, so just take things slowly.

[MumOfStan]

Thanks everyone so much for the advice. It's our first time living overseas so we're all finding our way. We're in a small serviced apartment currently - which I guess doesn't help as it is very business like and not at all set up for a kid. I think the idea of normal as opposed to fun is great, and I've also been in two minds about school - although - my new job starts soon, and I had really wanted to take him and drop him and be there with him in his first week, which if I left it any longer - might not have been possible - he's also only just started reception (jan intake) in the UK, so I didn;t want to leave it too long before getting him back into school - as they've been a bit concerned here about his staggered intake - but reading back - these are all my worries and my perceptions - and perhaps I could do with thinking through things from his side a bit more. Oh well we'll get there in the end! But it's great to have so much advice and support. Thanks.

[SafariJunkie]

Good luck with it. The first year is the hardest, as spamm said, but it's certainly not ALL a slog. It's wonderful too, as everything is new and interesting and no one expects you to have a clue what's going on.

[MABS]

very best of lock, we shall have to have a coffee when i move out :)

[MumOfStan]

Thanks Safari and MABS and everyone. MABS - when are you coming over? Absolutely, a coffee would be great, and, of course, if there's any help or support I can give...just ask.

Had a MUCH better day today. Went to the Mall, hired out one of those push a long car things, found Hamley's, played lego, chilled out at home, read books and now he's slumped on sofa, watching a sneaky bit of TV.

[MABS]

so glad you a bit brighter, I actualy going to be in Abu Dhabi from Aug, so just up the road from you :)

[MumOfStan]

absolutely just up the road - well if you fancy some time in Dubai - get in touch.

Today we've done 'mummy school' - an off the cuff invention by me of various themed activities revolving around a few of his major loves (Egyptians, Romans, pirates) and integrating drawing, and wow - even some spontaneous writing!

We've made a pirate map and an entire fleet of pirate ships out of paper and a biro! Oh, and I think we've found a flat. yippeee.

[MABS]

great re the flat and well done you for the rest!!