Visits from UK - do people offer to bring things or do you ask?

[bigtalksmalltalk]

Hello

Having just had a visit from parents in law to us in Belgium I am interested to know whether you ask people to bring stuff out for you or they offer. I need to have gluten free bread as I am Coeliac and whilst I can get it here it is twice the price of the UK. So I asked MIL if she would bring me 2 or 3 small loaves of bread. She did not sound keen when I asked - not a lot of space on the eurostar, can't really fit things in etc so I said not to worry about it. So whilst here we ended up going to Ikea (several times but that is another story) and she bought cushions, covers etc and ended up with double the luggage on the way back having borrowed 2 bags from us. I am a bit ticked off with her and want to let off some steam.

They have never offered to bring things out -they know the diet I have and the problems getting nice stuff here the range is far better in the UK. They can bring out hideous clothes for the children but not a few loaves of bread for me. Thank you - whinge over!

[isw]

I ask! esp if I pick them up from airport etc. The going rate is a min. of a couple of jars of marmite and some decent instant coffee :) Which I think is more than reasonable

[Portofino]

lol at hideous clothes. Rant away!

Most people always offer in my experience. Well at least my friends and family do. I usually ask for things like paracetamol and benylin as it costs a fortune in Belgium. If someone is coming with the car, then I ask and offer to pay for foodstuffs/or occasionally things from Argos .

Have you been to StoneManor yet? They might have some gluten free products - I know there is a specialist food section.

[TrillianAstra]

No space on eurostar? It's not as if they are flying with only hand luggage.

I think normally people offer. If they are the kind of lovely people who you want to come visit you...

[bigtalksmalltalk]

Thanks - yes I make frequent trips to Stonemanor! This bread comes from Sainsburys and there is an online grocery shop that does it here (they drive over to the UK and get stuff and deliver to your home) but it is much more expensive than here. I am peed off with MIL as I think it was a really selfish attitude to take. When I have asked in the past FIL has virtually thrown the things at me the minute they have come through the door so one is made to feel they really resent it. I could say a great deal about both of them but I won't!

[bigtalksmalltalk]

MIL claimed there is no space on the national rail from Sheffield and that is the problem - however they have double the luggage home and they are getting home the way they came here...........

[bigtalksmalltalk]

I will ask a related question - when we go back to the UK we stay with them a lot of the time (I have no family) and in the past I have ordered things and had them delivered to their house - sometimes a lot of things (like before we had our 2nd baby) and fair enough they had the hassle of things being delivered and putting in the spare room (5 bed house so plenty of space) and again I felt this was seen as an imposition and I stopped doing it and got stuff sent to sister in law when I could. I guess I just don't have very nice in laws!

[Portofino]

They don't sound very helpful! . I am planning to go back to Kent maybe half term or Armistice weekend. Let me know if you have any special requests! I will take the car and can surely squeeze some loaves of bread in amongst the tonne of sausages, baked beans, washing powder etc. I am so craving some fish and chips!

[scaryteacher]

I am going back to UK for half term, so again, if you need any gluten free bread I can see what Sainsbury's can provide for you.

[BaggedandTagged]

i ask. mum arriving tomorrow with homemade marmalade, baby meds and a load of baby stuff which i cant get here. will unload and no doubt buy a load of pottery and tea for the backhaul!

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

I always ask before we go. ( DB lives in japan ) but I also know what treats they miss. We always take loads!

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

Actually we always end up taking calpol ( nothing like it available over the counter in japan ) marmite, chocolate, Yorkshire tea bags, Yorkshire pudding mix or plain flour, breakfast cereals, HP sauce. If it's anywhere near Christmas - the Christmas puddings etc!!

[admylin]

Sounds like your PIL are wrapped up in their own little world and don't think much further than that. What does your dh say? Especially when they managed to carry double the amount back to UK but couldn't manage an extra bag on the way out?

[WomanAtTheWell]

Most people ask us what they can bring but if they don't they still get a list . Or we order stuff online to go to whoever is our next visitor. No-one needs the full 20kg weight limit for clothes for a week or two!

[marcopront]

I think there is a difference between dry goods and clothes etc and something that has a shelf life and would need to be bought just before they left.

Could you buy a bread machine and make your own gluten free bread?

[bigtalksmalltalk]

On the last point I have a bread machine and not sure if you have tasted it but most GF bread is awful and the sainsburys stuff is way above anything else I have eaten. I am struggling to keep weight on and need the most appetising food i can get.The bread keeps for 5 days and they shop at sainsburys every week - I don't think it is a huge hassle or imposition but I accept that is my point of view and my MIL obviously saw it differently.

I guess I just take it personally and feel that if i were a nicer person someone would be happy to do me a favour - in reality i think my parents in law would complain whoever asked. i wish i had been assertive at the time and said "please don't go to any trouble, if it is a problem I can get it elsewhere"

but part of me just thinks jeez is it so much to ask and it just gets me down that someone isn't happy to help.

[bigtalksmalltalk]

BTW I would have thought nothing of it had they not gone back with double the luggage - ok there is the "hassle" of going to the supermarket to get it but MIL sited the space on the train as the problem.

[bigtalksmalltalk]

Can I please add thank you very much for your kind offers - I can buy the bread here though it is very expensive compared to the UK. I feel I would be imposing on one of you but I did not think it was an imposition on my MIL. Sometimes strangers are kinder than family.

[thumbwitch]

Your MIL is a right old meanie. That's all there is to it.

I ask - but people don't visit often cos we are in Australia. My Dad has posted stuff to me (vastly expensive) and I have had stuff delivered to him that I have then collected when I've been over there. He still has boxes of my crap stuff that I keep not managing to sort out when I visit - but I guess the difference is that he is MY dad so he puts up with it. :)

My best friend is coming out with her family in December - and she offered to bring stuff as they will be travelling light over so that they have space to take back the inevitable Christmas presents. With 69kg of weight allowance between 3 of them then I can get quite a lot of stuff (oatibix, primarily) brought over :).

That's the difference between nice people who like you and your mean ol' MIL.

[kiwidreamer]

Yep sorry going to agree your MIL is a bit of a meanie!!!

My In Laws in NZ send a massive box of goodies about twice a year, costs them a FORTUNE but they love giving us a thrill. Everytime they plan a visit they ask weeks and weeks in advace what we'd like them to bring. I always have stuff delivered to them (great end of season clothing bargains in NZ$ for DS) and MIL will post it over for me. Every end of season sale she is at the Pumpkin Patch factory shop down the road from her buying up goodies for DS and posts them over.

We are due there for a holiday in 7 weeks and MIL has already asked for a list of DS's favourite / normal foods so she can have the pantry ready. Oh and they have brought us a car to use while we are there (3mths) and have already on sold it when we leave to another family member LOL

My In Laws are in their late 50's so maybe if yours are older they dont cope as well with such requests... oldies can be a bit odd at times!!!

[kiwidreamer]

To add I know they are very generous and obviously can afford to be (which doesnt always go hand in hand) so I am very lucky but your In Laws sound a little wrapped up in their own world like a previous poster said.

[esselle]

Wow kiwidreamer what fabulous inlaws you have!!

We are in Aust and we get regular visitors from the UK who all seem to be more than happy to bring us goodies.

Always on top of the list is Cadbury's Dairy Milk chocolate, DH is still not impressed with the Aussie version. I aslo get calpol because all kids paracetamol here tastes disgusting and bisto because I am a lazy gravy making slut!!

We usually get a couple of recent newspapers or magazines too which is always fun to catch up on.

We never have to ask people to bring things as they always offer but if they didn't I would happily provide a list.

I think your inlaws are being a bit mean! I tried to go GF a few years a go and totally understand just how yuck some GF bread can be. I ended up only ever eating it toasted which was okish.

[TheBossofMe]

What mean in-laws. Anyone who comes to visit here gets various orders for things, including but not limited to:

Marmite
Branston pickle
Spaghetti hoops (for DD, not me)
Baked beans (ditto)
Calpol
Aveeno cream

I also order stuff and get it delivered to anyone staying (albeit would probably not do so for anyone staying just for a day or two en route to the beach).

[bigtalksmalltalk]

thank you for your posts - I have got to the stage of feeling I am unreasonable for asking them to do anything for me and to be fair the bread would have been an additional trip to the supermarket and as they are 8m from the nearest one - 16m round trip. However in the 3 days prior to the visit they may have gone out (MIL plays bridge further away every week) and done other things - but I appreciate it took them out of their way. the company who do deliver here have not done so this week so I am without GF bread until next week.

Things have been strained with both PILs in recent times (since birth of our eldest DD 2.5 yrs ago) but things were a lot better this visit. Annoyance compounded by MIL mentioning how useful it would be for FIL to have a mobile phone so I find an old phone, find charger, charge it up & show them how to use it and FIL sends a text message to son thanking him for the phone (MIL has my mobile number)

MIL also gave eldest DD's toy dog a new name and gave youngest DD's dog the old name - turns out the new name was MIL's dogs name as a child and the other name had been DH's aunts dogs name - MIL does not like her SIL much!

all does my head in!