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Coping with Christmas

(6 Posts)
drudgewithagrudge Sun 07-Dec-14 14:29:39

How are you all dealing with the festivities?I would like to shut DH and I away and pretend that It isn't happening but I have a daughter with young children so that won't be possible.

I hate everything about Christmas this year because it will be DH's last one. I don't want to put up decorations or anything. This afternoon I am writing our cards and he wants me to tell people we don't see very often how ill he is and the prlobable outlook. Writing that over and over again fills me with dread.

My daughter would like us to spend the day with them but I know he is not up to it, very weak and people exhaust him. I know she will understand if I turn down her kind offer but spending the day with just the telly trying to make us jolly sounds awful.

I know you ladies will understand that although I love DH to bits and would do anything to make him feel more comfortable, sometimes I feel like a character in a black and white film sitting in a prison cell playing dominoes with the condemned man and trying to keep his spirits up.

WaitingForMe Sun 07-Dec-14 14:49:29

What would your DH like? We lost my stepdad the day after Boxing Day a few years ago and we knew that we'd be leaving his house with funeral plans when we all arrived on Christmas Eve.

He was bed bound but liked knowing we were all around. One of us was with him most of the time and it meant we all got to have some last chats but also some fun with each other.

No matter what happens it'll be really tough but things needn't be hard work. When my stepbrother brought the turkey back it was a bit bloody so he put it in an empty Amazon box. My brother walked in and said "wow, they deliver everything don't they." We all cracked up and stepdad sent DM down to find out what we were laughing about. It became a trend and it forced us to be funny/have fun because we had an audience who needed it.

I have such happy memories of that Christmas even if I am weeping as I write this.

If being alone is the right thing for you both then do that but don't underestimate how sweet a bittersweet Christmas can be.

I hope you can have some positive memories x

LuluJakey1 Tue 09-Dec-14 22:30:53

My mum was very frail last Christmas and we had been told 8 months the previous January so I knew it would be our last Christmas. We drove up and collected her on Christmas morning and had a quiet, happy day here with her, not doing much- chatting, laughing, eating. She was full of fun and enjoyed every minute. She had a snooze after her lunch. DH carried her up to the loo over his shoulder wich made her laugh no end. We drove her home about 9pm and made her some tea and helped her to bed. I cried all the way back to our house.

She died a month later. I would say just do what your DH can and wants to do and can cope with doing and try to enjoy it. It honestly isn't impossible although it probably seems like it is.


bensam Wed 17-Dec-14 22:42:25

Thoughts are with you op. flowers
It is likely to be my dad's last christmas (pancreatic cancer with mets to the liver - all happened very quickly) I don't know how we're going to get through but somehow we'll have to put on a happy face for the young DC's. It's good to hear the positive stories and advice from others who have gone through it.
I hope you find some strength op at this difficult time x

whatisforteamum Thu 18-Dec-14 19:44:20

my thoughts are with you all.This would more than likely be dads last christmas (although i thought it was both parents last 2012) as his cancer is back and has spread.I feel lucky they are both still here honestly but a bit emotional about how Dad has been treated.I think we are keeping it "normal" with no grand gestures as he wouldnt like it.We all have our own xmas day then pop in at some point for a drink.Lulujakey1 that is a very poignant story of your Mums last christmas x

HearMyRoar Thu 18-Dec-14 21:45:22

I am so sorry you are going through this with your dh. My mum is in the final stages of cancer and I have been told she has weeks to live. I think she will be alive for Christmas but don't know what state she will be in.

she is currently in a hospice and it is unlikely the care will be in place for her to come home before Christmas so we will be spending it there I think. To be honest it is a bit of a relief that we won't have to think about what to do. We can just go along and have a nice afternoon eating cake.

We don't generally make a big deal of Christmas but I am still finding it really hard to deal with. everyone at work is talking about it all the time and I dread anyone asking about what we will be doing. I can't lie to them but at the same time I hate feeling like I'm rather putting a downer on things by telling then I'm not sure what I'll be doing as it depends on whether my mother had died yet.

Sometimes life can just be shit can't it.

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