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Are bisexuals expected to come out?

(6 Posts)
Squidwert Wed 12-Mar-14 20:15:59

I'm 33 and in a long term relationship with a man. We have an 11 month old and our sex life is non-existent (some might say this is to be expected). I've been attracted to women since I was a teenager but I've only gone as far as kissing a woman, although I'm not sure why - perhaps because they were also 'straight'. OH knows I identify as bi, but is it expected that I 'come out' to the world? I believe sexuality is fluid but I have gay friends who say that if I want to be part of any kind of lesbian/bi community I need to make some kind of statement, which seems both unnecessary and melodramatic to me.

I suppose I'm looking to join in some sort of community just to talk to others who are in similar situations, which is the only reason this is even an issue.

InOtherNews Wed 12-Mar-14 22:29:30

I'm not really sure what your friends mean, what kind of statement do they mean? I think your best bet is definitely online - there have been a few posts like yours on here, although they are from a while ago, but it shows that you're not alone and from your post it sounds like you're feeling a bit isolated?
I'm gay so not really sure about how you'd come out as bisexual per se, although I imagine it's difficult. I realise that my post has pretty much been bag all use, for which I apologise, but if I see anything online in terms of communities etc for those in similar positions, I'll post back.

TBH I don't know. I'm bi but I've been with DH since I was a teen so my actual experience is pretty similar to yours. He knows, various friends know but it's usually been in reaction to something, I've never 'come out' just for the sake of it. In fact, I'd imagine some of them wouldn't even remember, it's been so many years since it came up.

I wouldn't deny it but I guess everyone takes the default position that married to a man = straight, rather than married = monogamous regardless of gender. I do feel like I'm hiding sometimes, but can't work out what the point of bringing it up for it's on sake would be, and in some ways it would feel a bit odd, like I was putting myself out there like a single woman (but not, I don't know how to explain that properly)

So, sorry. No great words of advice but a hands up that you're not alone! smile

DramaQueenofHighCs Wed 12-Mar-14 23:02:16

I'm not much use either but I could've seriously written almost exactly what mrsDimitri said! DH and a few best friends know I'm bi, but it's not generally known. I don't hide though - I often say things like 'Cor she's hot!' When watching tv or films, or in general And my Facebook page has many references to fancying female celebs. I don't see the need to 'come out' really - people don't have to come out as straight do they!?

Squidwert Thu 13-Mar-14 05:06:03

I did find it a confusing concept, I don't really see why 'coming out' even exists, but then my view on sexuality and love is that it's not really attached to gender much at all!

Good to know I'm not the only one in a relationship with the opposite sex whilst knowing I could just as easily be in a same sex relationship. I'm aware that bisexuals are still sort of judged in certain parts of the gay community but so far that hasn't affected me.

sussexmum38 Sat 15-Mar-14 09:41:39

I am bi. You might like to look at the Shybi website which I got recommended to on mn when I needed answers and support. Lots of women of similar age and situation seeking support and the knowledge that you are not alone.

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