Thinking about a Baby

[CoraHarrison]

My partner and I are thinking of starting a family.

We have been talking about it for around 8 - 12 months now, and I am finally starting to look at the possibilities.

I suppose I have a few questions, and I have been looking for the past week or so now, and I just cant seem to find the answers.

My partner will be carrying the baby, she is the much more fem one out of us, being straight until she met me & I we both think that her carrying the child makes so much more sense.

I just wondered what my rights would be when the baby is born, what will I be stated as on the birth certificate.

In regards to my working rights I wondered if I would get paternity leave so to speak...

Also my partner had a twisted ovary around the age of 15, would the NHS provide tests to see if the ovary's are working as they should as I know some private companies provide an 'MOT' so to speak...

And then there is the worry of cost... I know that when having a baby you need a good income (which I believe we have) as well as savings, and a lot of love, all of this we have but the thought of £3,000+ to conceive is scary.

We will want a sperm donar, we have thought about one of our friends being the sperm donar but I think we would both feel so much better if it was someone we didnt know, with a background history similar to mine feeling as though the child is as much mine as it is my partners. We both said we would like to do the incemination ourself at home.

Can anyone recommend some sites to read through & look at.

Thanks,
Cora.

[SlmHlb]

Hi Cora,

My partner and I are in exactly the same situation right now. We also want an unknown donor, and have found it really difficult to find information. The costs of going through fertility clinics have been quite scary! At the moment we're leaning towards buying our sperm from a Danish clinic. The donors there can be totally anonymous (forever) or the child can get in touch once 18. They ship directly to your house and the costs are quite reasonable (sperm is between 160 - 280 euros per 5ml straw, depending on quality and profile information, and shipping in dry ice is about 160 euros). The profiles of the donors is quite extensive, with personal statements, voice recordings, family history, baby photos and more.

In terms of legal status, it depends. If you are civil partners and use a sperm donor (known or unknown) then you are automatically the second parent and can be named on the birth certificate. If you are not civil partners I'm less certain. You can still definitely be named, but I'm not sure (yet) of the process. I'm in the same position as you - my partner will be the bio mum and we are not civil partners. So I'm trying to find out now.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more - perhaps we can pool our limited resources and help each other out in these scary but exciting times!

Stacey

[wrighty2010]

Hi, wow, you have a lot to think about! I think stacey is right about the legal side of things. I would also agree that ffertility clinincs are expensive and if the ovary problems are ok there is nothing to say that you could not conceive naturally via AI, this way avoidig fertility clininc costs and also taking unnecessary drugs. However, having been down this road myself I can also tell you that it can take a while to find a donor you like and can trust! I used a site called Pride Angel, they are a connection site for donors and recepients and also have lots of information on the whole thing so may well be worth you taking a look! Hope this helps, let us know how you get on, best wishes xxx

[piglet72]

Hi Cora,
My partner and I went down the IVF route. I went to my doc and told him I was in a SS relationship and that I wanted to find out about funded IVF. on paper I met the criteria. We went to the hospital for test and found that I would not be able to conceive naturally so the hospital but me forward for funding, which we got. I am not sure how that would have turned out is I did not have any problems.
We live in beds, so our pct would fund up to 6 attempts, 3 fresh eggs 3 frozen. Luckily we fell on out first attempt!
Our local hospital does not have e facility to use doner sperm so we had to use a private clinic.
Legally. If you are civil partnered before treatment starts you go on e birth cert as parent. If you are not I don't think you can (but check that)
As far as paternity leave, again if you are CP you are entitled to the same as a 'father' which is two weeks officially unpaid, but some employers pay you.
Not sure of your rights if you are not CP.

I would defiantly Go to your GP and ask for tests and see if you can get funding. We said we would give it a go, and now we have a beautiful 9 month old boy.

Also if I remember rightly, since we had our boy the body that regulates IVF treatment has recommended that SS couples should have access to funded treatment.

Hope that helps. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat some more..

All I can tell you is having a family is the best thing in world, tiring but OMG we are always smiling.

[zowie2]

Hi me and my partner went down the unknown donor route and are not civil partnered.We are both on the birth certificate but are getting civil partnered in 3weeks.We wasn't really bothered about getting civil partnered but we got advice from a solicitor not sure if he quite new really,but he said if something happened to the bio mum there parently right to my partner could be questioned.We are getting civil partnered as this prevents any legal issues in the future.I haven't got a very supportive family on my side so we.ve had to cover all possibiltys.Hope this helps goodluck having children its the best thing in the world:-)

[DoulaPlus]

Hi, Firstly good luck to you all, becoming a parent is such a big deal and it's great that you are putting a lot of thought into it, I hope you all get things sorted. I'm kind of bumping onto your thread as I've been looking at Pride Angel to advertise my services as a Doula. Is it a well used site? A doula is a person that supports families during pregnancy, birth and the early weeks of being a parent. If I can help with any questions please feel free to ask. Good luck x