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Have they broken the law?

(18 Posts)
Turkeyandcranberrysauce Mon 21-Dec-20 22:53:38

I sent some nudes to someone I do not know online, and spent months talking to them.

I then found out it was someone I know in real life! My exes relative.

Had I have known it was this person, I would never have sent them these pictures. I also wouldn't not have talked to them. They would know this, because we do not get on - this was done out of spite.

Legally, have they broken any laws?

I understand catfishing is not against the law in the UK, but they knew full well I would never have participated in this had I have known their true identity. They would know this.

I am 100% sure it is them, I have evidence.

They've not threatened me or blackmailed, but they have sent awful messages to my own family.

OP’s posts: |
Worriedandabitscared Mon 21-Dec-20 22:57:58

Sorry OP, I don't think they have. I think it would only be considered illegal if they shared the photos as revenge porn online (they may have shared them among family members but you won't know that and no way of proving it).

I don't know if the nasty messages can be classed as harassment but I would suggest asking family members to block them.

Sadly I think this is a lesson learnt situation, maybe don't send nudes to people you don't know online until you are 100% sure of who they are or at least know they aren't someone you know personally which I know can be difficult, I'm sorry you've been stung like this.

Changethetoner Mon 21-Dec-20 23:07:23

I would not have sent photos to someone I hadn't met.

SquirtleSquad Mon 21-Dec-20 23:11:54


I would not have sent photos to someone I hadn't met.

Well that's really fucking helpful isn't it hmmbiscuit

OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you, hindsight is a wonderful thing but people make errors in judgement all the time.
I guess they have misrepresented themselves but they didn't force you to send them so I don't think you have a leg to stand on I'm afraid.
depending on what these awful messages have said you could perhaps discuss harassment with the police but you'd been an awful lot of proof.

Try and stay safe online, it's a scary place.

SausagePourHomme Mon 21-Dec-20 23:20:31

Sending awful messages to your family could constitute harassment, to echo what other posters have said. That's what I'd be reporting to the police if I was you.

PolPotNoodle Wed 23-Dec-20 01:28:50

I suppose very tenuously there may be a consent issue at hand (like rape by deception but on a much lesser scale) but I can't find anything to support that, I'm just speculating. You might wish to have a chat with the police about it.

Sunflowergirl1 Wed 23-Dec-20 07:56:50

No offence committed unless used as revenge porn and posted etc

nowlook Wed 23-Dec-20 10:40:49

That sounds very distressing. Is it the case that you just want them to stop? If so (and you have the funds to do it), you might consider instructing a civil litigation solicitor, who would be able (depending on the facts) to advise of possible causes of action under the Misrepresentation Act 1967, the tort of deceit or even breach of confidence. Although it would be a slog to get damages for the distress you've suffered, a letter telling them to pack the fucker in (non-legal expression) might help.

Turkeyandcranberrysauce Wed 23-Dec-20 11:34:53

Thanks for replies. I am disappointed if I'm honest, I feel absolutely disgusted in myself and in them. I can't believe I did it I have never done anything like this before.

They persisted, kept asking that I send the images. They say I would be rewarded for it. They took the conversation to a sexual place not me.

My friend and sibling has read the full chat they feel I have almost been groomed. It was clear the profile was a fake but I was so stupid I didn't even notice.

I would never have done this if I knew who it was, both sides of the family know I wouldn't have. We despised each other before this.

I was an idiot, but I have been struggling a lot this year and someone close to me has been diagnosed with cancer. I just lost the plot a bit.

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Turkeyandcranberrysauce Wed 23-Dec-20 11:42:34

@nowlook sorry I didn't see you message then how weird.

I want some assurance that the images won't go any further or be shared online.

I want them to delete any images that have. And the chatlog.

I have a child with my ex. This particular person has said awful things Infront of my child before, and will again for sure. I am scared this will get back to them.

The things this person told me to do on reflection was sick. At the time I just backed off but they reeled me back in. I think this person needs help. And so do I.

There is a LOT more to this, but I can't share because it's very outing.

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Turkeyandcranberrysauce Wed 23-Dec-20 11:45:27

Could I apply for something to keep them away from me?

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slipperywhensparticus Wed 23-Dec-20 11:49:05

Just send a simple link to the relevant legislation on revenge porn and block him

nowlook Wed 23-Dec-20 12:01:37

Well that's the kind of assurance (or undertaking) a civil litigation solicitor might be able procure for you in exchange for the matter not being taken any further (of course, depending always on the facts).

You should budget about £500 for the letter, depending on the seniority of the fee-earner and your location. Of course, the recipient of the letter is not bound to respond to it, so you could be left in the position where he just ignores it/calls your bluff about further action.

A tip if you do go down that route: be as concise as you can. Lawyers are not therapists wink

Although it's very hard in reality, you might want to think about how you remove this person's power. If you tell everyone who matters, that power is extinguished. If the person then goes on to blackmail you/posts images online, then it becomes a criminal matter.

Noidea2114 Wed 23-Dec-20 12:09:25

Why don't you phone the police on a non emergency number and ask them instead of asking strangers on the internet.

Turkeyandcranberrysauce Wed 23-Dec-20 12:49:06

Because the police have enough to deal with without me asking questions that could be pointless. Plus, I'm scared. This person is in my child's daily life and I don't want them to hurt my child. This person scares me, I'm scared of the repercussions, I know this person they have severe mental health issues and personality disorders. I don't know what to do for the best.

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Turkeyandcranberrysauce Wed 23-Dec-20 12:55:49

@nowlook I have told their family what they have done. I had no response to this matter. I suggested they contact some kind of crisis intervention because this person has an extensive mental health history. No response on that either.
Actually, my ex said "I don't see what this has to do with me". Nothing besides that

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ILoveYoga Wed 23-Dec-20 12:59:52

Considering your subsequent post with more information that they enticed you repeatedly over time to send these images, I do think you should report to the police. You don’t know if you’re not the only one having this done to them. It’s illustrating very bizarre/concerning behaviour by this person. If it goes no where, as least there will be a record that this person was looked at.

20questions Wed 23-Dec-20 21:19:34

@Turkeyandcranberrysauce What you did was done in a moment of vulnerability. On occasions like this we can behave in ways that we would not normally do when in a good place.
It sounds like you may be catastrophising and your mind is running riot, imagining all sorts of terrible scenarios. What's done is done. It truly isn't the end of the world though I'm sure it feels like it now.
You have not committed a haven't murdered just sent a few momentarily embarrassing pictures.
As time passes I think any shock/embarrassment/fear of repercussions you may be feeling, will gradually fade.
Unless this person goes all out in spreading these pictures, I would try to accept that it happened, what's done is done, don't beat yourself up or carastrophise and in time it will no longer seem important in the greater scheme of things.

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