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Helo - advice;

(14 Posts)
Stickstickstick Thu 11-Jan-18 23:29:49


Just looking for some advice.please wise

Long story short, my ex and i seperated at the end of last year and, ehilst we have had our disagreements etc, it wad agreed he would have contact with our DC both under the age of 2 if that is relevent on set days and times with additional contact inbetween if he wanted as.i was fully be flexible, which had been working well.

Fast forward to this weekend i have recieved threats from.his new partners family and he has been threatening suicide (backed MIL messaging me to let me know she would ensure everyone new it was my fault)

At this point, i raised concerns for my childrens safety (and logged all the above with the police) and contacted him explaining that going forward i thinj it would be fair for him to see the childre via a contacf centre - which he is not happy with.

My exdp is a narccissit and previous DV incidents have been logged with the police but he feels i am deliberitly trying to stop.him having any contact with our dc which i can assure you is not the case - i note he is now in contact with a solicitor (as he thinks hr can demand contact( but im really at a loss as to what i can do as i know he will be messaging me tommorow to ask to have our DCs :/

Stickstickstick Thu 11-Jan-18 23:48:50

Please excuse my spelling mistakes 🙈

DarlingtonDarling Fri 12-Jan-18 10:35:32

I'm not a lawyer but you're clearly not trying to stop contact since you are suggesting a contact centre. Make sure that suggestion is in writing to cover yourself. Perhaps contact some local contact centres so that you can show you're being proactive.

Do you know if the police have referred your report to ss? I would expect that they would if they are aware that there are children involved. If so work with ss and ask their advice. If not I'd considering approaching ss for advice yourself. They can be very helpful.

Are the suicide threats in writing? If not email him/his partner/his mother about them so that you have a record. Insisting on supervised contact with a suicidal parent is good responsible parenting. No one would think you were being unreasonable for questioning things in light of that.

Good luck

Stickstickstick Fri 12-Jan-18 11:13:49

Thankyou - your response has reinforced my point that i feel i am doing the right thing (because everyone thinks i am.being harsh) - i have not heard from.SS as of yet but hopefully they will be in contact soon and yes i have everything documented!

Stickstickstick Sat 13-Jan-18 22:48:44

Is there anything i can do in the relation to the threats i recived from his new partners family also?

Shmithecat Sun 14-Jan-18 04:23:36

What threats have they made? And are they by text or email?

Stickstickstick Sun 14-Jan-18 09:33:00

To come.and.smash my face in with the children here. I wae onlt told about this through a conversation with FIL and subsequently exdp came.down to explain - i have my texts sent referring to the incident byt exdp has now.chaged his.story.

I have sent him all the details of the contact centre as the application needs to be made by the non resident parent initially so will.wait and see what happens now - im just getting incredibly frustratrd with him.accusing me.of playing god with our.children and saying i am.only.jealous because him.and his new dp are buying a house together (which i couldnt care less about best of.luck to.them)

Shmithecat Sun 14-Jan-18 13:55:07

If you have the threats in a text then report them to the police.

GreenTulips Sun 14-Jan-18 13:59:25

The threats are hearsay at the moment - but I would log them with the police

You need to hold firm

Do not be alone with this man - are your doors secure? Ask the police for advise on security and see if you can have your address flagged for emergency assistance -

Stickstickstick Sun 14-Jan-18 13:59:38

Its all been logged with the police but they seem reluctant to help and im finding it increasingly frustrating im having tp be the pro active one in all this now - i have provided exdp with details of the contact centre but he is adament there is another way to go about this and has declined to complete the form (he needs to fill it in then pass the code to me so i can fill my part in) and i feel guilty on behalf of our children as they have not seen their dad in almost 2 weeks now :/

GreenTulips Sun 14-Jan-18 14:04:58

Why feel guilty? He isn't in a good place to be a good father.

You have no real idea of his true state of mind.

You have done nothing wrong - your children's well being is your first priority

BubblesBuddy Sun 14-Jan-18 18:08:17

Surely you need to see a good family law solicitor? I think the Police are still poor at protecting vulnerable families and social services seem slow in responding. A decent solicitor will be able to act to protect your interests in these difficult circumstances. I wouldn’t communicate with them again until you have legal representation.

Stickstickstick Sun 14-Jan-18 20:19:03

I plan on seeing a solicitor this week - im currently work so am.not sure what, if any, help.i can get in respect of legal fees :/

BubblesBuddy Mon 15-Jan-18 13:59:51

Ask the solicitor.

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