Child Maintenance - Now I'm the paying parent!

[Ladygaggia]

Background stuff... Left my exH a couple of years ago and have struggled to get any maintenance out of him for the last 18months since he found a new partner.

He had limited contact with the DCs and after threatening CMS, I decided to open a case with them. He refused to co-operate with them and pretended to be unemployed for a long time even when I knew he was working. He is currently lying about his income and hiding his wages by having them paid to his partner.

Anyway, in June, a month after the CMS withdrew some money from his bank to provide me with support, he and my DS decide that my DS would be happier living with him. My DD refuses to see her father as she can see how manipulating and controlling he is.

As we had shared responsibilities, I had no legal way to stop my DS leaving. It was awful, but we have agreed that my DS can stay with me every other weekend and once during the week.

My exH has now applied for CMS against me for DS.
As I work and have a permanent position, unlike his self employed secretive stuff - I have to pay him more than he pays me.
He has racked up almost £2K of arrears in payments with the CMS.

Stupidly, I assumed that since we have one child each and I see my son approx 126 days a year - we would cancel each other out.

I was wrong.

CMS advise me that I have to pay £56 a week for my son, whereas I would only receive £39 a week for my daughter.
However, as exH has no interest in paying me - I won't see that money.
I asked couldn't one cancel out the other and then they take from the arrears to cover the shortfall - but was told no, they can't do that. The system is not built for that.

So I have struggled without financial help from my exH for the last 2 years to now have to start handing money over to him.
I don't want to get in trouble with the CMS, but the system seems so unfair and I don't know what to do.

Can anyone give me some advice?

[PersianCatLady]

I don't know what to say other than this is absolutely disgusting.

If the CMS have never been able to make your SO pay then why do you feel that they will take any action against you if you don't pay?

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Ugh. How ridiculous. CMS are spineless in my experience, sorry

[MrsSquiggler]

That doesn't sound fair at all! I think it would be worth getting some more advice and challenging this as I think they should be able to offset. See p.39 of this official guide hidden on their website (though don't know if it's up to date)
www.cmoptions.org/stakeholdertoolkit/docs/about-the-child-maintenance-service.pdf

Also the Citizens Advice website - scroll to the bottom of the page:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-2012-scheme/child-maintenance-administration/child-maintenance-how-repayments-are-negotiated-when-you-re-owed-maintenance/

I would also suggest calling Gingerbread, they are good for questions like this and should hopefully be able to give you an answer. Freephone number 0808 802 0925. gingerbread.org.uk/content/425/Helpline
Or if they are not helpful, your local Citizens Advice?

They might also be able to check the CMS calculation for you and see if there is anything else you can do.

More info on how to complain or challenge a CMS decision (but worth getting advice first) www.gov.uk/government/publications/what-to-do-if-you-re-unhappy-with-the-child-maintenance-service

Good luck

[Collaborate]

Refer the case to a tribunal so they can direct how CMS trade one off against the other.

[Ladygaggia]

Oh thank you!

I'll look at the links

I think the main problem I have is that I am paye and he is self employed.

It would be easier for CMS to get a deduction of earnings from me than it was for him.
I can't hide my earnings!

I'm definitely going to fight this

[Ladygaggia]

God, it gets worse. He is now refusing to pay for my son's school trip to France. I paid a £100 deposit and then my son moved to stay with him. He paid the next £100 instalment and now refuses to pay anymore since it was something I committed to. I said that he hasn't paid anything to the kids for the last two years so he could now pay for this.
He says he won't consider it until I start paying maintenance.

Arghhh.
I've texted him to say I will give him permission to take my half from the CMS arrears! He won't agree. I know it.

Currently on hold with Gingerbread!

[Chillyegg]

No advice but he sounds like a giant shit

[Shalalalalala]

So sorry you're going through this. What an absolute controlling shit. I haven't had a great experience with the CMS either. Hope you get good advice.

[MrsSquiggler]

Were Gingerbread any good?

[Josieannathe2nd]

This might be too harsh on your son but does he realise the implication financially of him living with his Dad? I'd be inclined to tell him the main facts and that you then cannot afford additional costs of school trips. If he's grown up enough to make decisions about where he lives then he should have all the facts and live with the consequences.
I do think the system is massively unfair and you should argue your case as well!

[Ladygaggia]

Gingerbread were great. They gave me good advice and told me to write to the CMS and request that they offset one claim against the other, and then offset the excess that I have to pay against the arrears.
Apparently the CMS don't have to do this, but I can appeal and put in an official complaint if they don't.

I'm feeling better.

My son will go to the school trip. My DP said that he'd find the money if DS's dad won't.
Haven't heard from exH re my suggestion.

[Ttbb]

I would report him for tax fraud. If he is hiding money from CMS then the HMRC are also being short changed most likely. But I am a bit of a vindictive person.