Moving schools - ex refuses to agree

[jayho]

My ex has pr, he will not agree to me moving the children 10 miles to different schools. No variation to contact.

DS1 is Y7 his school has been put in to special measures, I can get him in to an outstanding school ten miles away. He has had issues with bullying and friendships and is keen to make a fresh start plus I would be local to support him whereas I currently work 15 miles from his school meaning gaps at beginning and end of the day.

DS2 is Y3 his school is fine but only feeder school is the failing secondary DS1 currently attends. My logic is that transferring him to a feeder to the outstanding school now is in his best interests, keeps the children 'together' and facilitates care.

Flat refusal to contemplate from ex.

We have been to court, judge refused to rule said we should agree amongst ourselves and should visit schools and decide what is in the children's best interests. Ex agreed but has now renaged and flatly refuses.

What can I do?

[MrsBertBibby]

Bit hard to advise on so little info, have you got a solicitor?

[jayho]

yes, we were confident on leaving court that we had a way forwards

[jayho]

I believed i'd been reasonable, not forcing a decision but giving him an opportunity to see the pros and cons - Judge's advice, not mine

[MrsBertBibby]

Your solicitor has advised, surely? Are you due to go back or was the case dismissed?

You say he refuses. Refuses to what, look at schools?

[MrsBertBibby]

And what does your elder son want?

[Leatherboundanddown]

Do the dc reside with you? If so I was under the impression you can choose the school they attend. If it has no impact on contact then I don't understand why ex is even bothered? Just control over you?

[jayho]

he refuses to look at schools

both children want to move

he has pr so I need his consent

the judge directed that we should decide together it is a recital to the order

we have shared residence but the children reside with me more than 50%

[jayho]

he has contacted the local authority so they and any schools will not respond to my enquiries without his consent.

It is a control issue

[jayho]

he does not have contact with DC1 btw, DC1's choice following an assault

[MrsBertBibby]

Sounds like you need to get back to court.

[rosalyn44]

If he has parental responsibility then school decisions have to be made jointly with him. Have u tried mediation ?

[jayho]

i think mediation is my next option, we've been to court

[kittybiscuits]

You can't mediate with a stupid cunt.

[jayho]

kitty so true, he sat in court, smiled and waved, agreed to everything, came out and denied

[kittybiscuits]

I can see what you're dealing with. Mediation will be an expensive joke. I think the only way forward is legal, though I have no idea where you go from here. Do you have any proof of his non-cooperation with the agreed plan? Does he text or email that his agreement with the court was a sham?

[jayho]

well he emailed my solicitor to say he refused to contemplate a move which he clearly agreed to in court. He is now disputing the order. I've asked my solicitor if we can go back in front of the judge but don't know if it's possible.

[titchy]

I'd ask the judge for your sole decision to be the binding one on educational matters given his non-compliance with the order.

[Megatherium]

Are you sure you can get places in the more distant school anyway? Outstanding schools tend to be oversubscribed.

[jayho]

in year transfer is available

[jayho]

I've got a call in morning with solicitor, will update, thanks for advice so far

[jayho]

so, had call with solicitor. Judge has confirmed order as written, ie that he agreed to visit schools and take children's wishes in to account. However, this is just a recital. She has recommended mediation and if that fails to return to court and request to be sole decision maker in light of his intransigence. 'Helpfully' after agreeing to being flexible in court he sent my solicitor an email stating that he would not and would never consider or discuss a move. She has copied this to the court.

She believes I would have firm grounds for an order.

Views?

[jayho]

ps Solicitor was a recommendation from women's aid, if any of you are in North Yorks and need advice, I am more than happy to recommend, she's great.

[kittybiscuits]

Great that he was stupid enough to confirm his non-cooperation in writing to your solicitor. I hope that's sufficient to make the family court understand that he cannot be reasoned with.

[jayho]

he is the classic 'you cannot negotiate with batshit' case.....

[jacswc]

I'd argue more strongly with the Local Authority. Point out that is, he has PR, but so do you. His decision to not want them to move schools is no more important than your decision to want them to move schools. Point out that the children themselves want to move, and in the case of DS1 he is of an age where his views should have a high level of priority in making decisions about his own life. Also, there is a firm legal basis for saying that those who act as primary carers have a greater degree of day to day acting parental responsibility and that should be recognised.

The local authority's position can be flexible. It won't definitely work but it's definitely the best first port of call.