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Do next of kin HAVE to follow your funeral wishes if you set it out in your will?

(35 Posts)
UselessOneThatIAm Sun 29-Jan-17 22:19:19

My will does not have anything about my funeral in it. However, I was discussing this with my mum last week and she said if I had any wishes she would ignore them and I wouldn't know because I would be dead (true).

It got me thinking that it could take ages for my folks to track down my will, even though I have stated where it is. My executors are not family members, and my will only deals with money/children.

If I did put this in my will, would they be in any way obliged to follow my wishes? I know in my parents wills they have stuff about being buried not cremated but that is just to save money as they have a plot.

OutToGetYou Sun 29-Jan-17 22:21:31

No, they don't And there is no legal definition of 'next of kin' in this context anyway.

I put in mine that I would rather be cremated. In reality I don't care, but apparently it's better to put some kind of guide, and cremation is cheaper. But no, it';s only a preference. You cannot make them do it.

UselessOneThatIAm Sun 29-Jan-17 22:24:25

I don't have any wishes and I don't actually care as I will be dead but it was just the glee with which she told me she would ignore my wishes that made me wonder. Who can make funeral arrangements then? Would it have to be my family?

nancy75 Sun 29-Jan-17 22:27:02

You can book and pay for your own funeral if you are that way inclined, at least that way you get what you want!

Crispsheets Sun 29-Jan-17 22:27:58

Why would she do that???

Hellothereitsme Sun 29-Jan-17 22:29:59

The executors have to ensure the wishes of the will are carried out. It is a legal document.

UselessOneThatIAm Sun 29-Jan-17 22:32:55

I don't really fancy pre-booking as I will probably emigrate, and like I say I don't care about my funeral.

It is a weird thing to say to someone, isn't it? The tone of the conversation was very unpleasant.

LittleCandle Sun 29-Jan-17 22:33:27

My DF wanted his name added to the family gravestone and expressed that wish in his will, but the logistics of that were beyond his understanding. It would have taken a lot of time and money and deeds to the layer, which I didn't have (and possibly don't exist anymore) and likely permission from other members of the family, which might or might not have been forthcoming. It wasn't as if his ashes were going to be buried there, for the above reasons, so I decided in the end not to do so. But as another pp said, buy yourself a funeral plan so you get what you want. Tell everyone which funeral director it is held with.

AtSea1979 Sun 29-Jan-17 22:37:24

I had a grim thought early after a near miss on the motorway. I wondered if anything happened to DC would I be obliged to tell their feckless DF? Hopefully I won't need to test the law on that one!

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sun 29-Jan-17 22:41:47

Write in a letter to your DM the opposite of your true intentions so you can have the last laugh at them from beyond the grave. Change it when someone more sane is likely to be making the arrangements.

annandale Sun 29-Jan-17 22:42:15

I can certainly see why you want to emigrate...

PossumInAPearTree Sun 29-Jan-17 22:44:41

Hope not.

My mum has written in her will she wants to lie in state overnight in the local cathedral. I'm not joking. Apparently she's going to or possibly has discussed it with them. She's leaving all her money to them so maybe they'll let her. I won't be going.

Lorelei76 Sun 29-Jan-17 22:47:55

Yes that's a horrible thing to say
I am not religious but will do the stuff my parents want doing, I know the priest they like etc etc. The funeral should be what the deceased wanted.

FuckOffDailyMailQuitQuotingMN Sun 29-Jan-17 22:52:18

possum What? That's brilliant - who does get the right to lie in state? Only royalty? What grand plans.

PossumInAPearTree Sun 29-Jan-17 22:54:20

Oh it's yet another example of many of her total superiority complex. grin

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sun 29-Jan-17 22:58:41

Being in the church the night before is a Catholic thing. DMil did before her funeral and it seemed quite normal. Wouldn't fancy it myself.

PossumInAPearTree Sun 29-Jan-17 22:59:27

She's not catholic.

PossumInAPearTree Sun 29-Jan-17 23:00:02

And it's one of the biggest cathedrals in the country. Hundreds of tourists every day.

tribpot Sun 29-Jan-17 23:00:28

Your mum's not exactly playing the odds, is she? It's not very likely she'll still be alive when your funeral comes around. I'd point this out next time - she hardly deserves any courtesy.

Ferrisday Sun 29-Jan-17 23:03:47

To deal with your affairs someone would have to apply for probate, and your will should be uncovered during that process.
Your wishes should be carried out by the executors but I don't think any funeral director is obliged to see the will.
The person organising the funeral isn't always the person who has obtained probate

Davros Sun 29-Jan-17 23:57:30

My (not dear) mother yapped on about her wishes for her funeral and left notes. We ignored them

prh47bridge Mon 30-Jan-17 08:27:37

The executors have to ensure the wishes of the will are carried out. It is a legal document

The executors have to ensure that the estate is distributed in accordance with the instructions in the will except where those instructions conflict with the law. However, instructions in the will as to funeral and burial arrangements are NOT legally binding. Whilst they are normally followed, whoever arranges the funeral is free to ignore them if they wish.

OutToGetYou Mon 30-Jan-17 11:51:09


Thank you.

For back-up:

"The executor has the right to determine how to dispose of the deceased's body. Any funeral wishes expressed by the deceased are not legally binding, although in practical terms personal wishes are usually respected. "

Poshsausage Mon 30-Jan-17 11:54:24

Just remind her she's likely to go first and say hers will be a mad hatters tea party grin

sobeyondthehills Mon 30-Jan-17 11:56:03

My DF wants a New Orleans type funeral. Procession down the local high street with a jazz band.

I can only hope he is joking. However he is the type of person to pay for what he wants, so if he has paid for it, I will just suck it up

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