I need some help re contact arrangements please

[redcardi]

Have name changed.

Basic story, 4 DC. 3 to my ex husband (divorced for 5 years), 1 DD to ex DP. This is about DD (17 months old). When we split up I put DD on the same contact arrangements as my other DC, ex DP was happy with this, he knew the arrangements as he had been living with us for 2 years.

Arrangments are: every Tuesday night after school overnight take to school the next morning. Alternate Friday/Saturday 6pm until 6pm the next day. I also added in a thursday night dinner/bath and bring home for DD as she is so young and i felt she needed frequent contact.

Relations have now completely broken down as ex kept cancelling weekends as he had other plans.

He has now gone to a solicitor because he wants DD on his own schedule. Every other weekend and a midweek night. He also wants to change the xmas arrangements which are christmas eve until christmas day 10am and then the next year christmas day 10am to boxing day 10am.

This is nothing to do with what is best for DD and all about him wanting a clear weekend without her. It isn't in her best interest to be seeing him less frequently. I also can't see how it will be in her best interest to be on different schedules to her siblings, they will end up with two weekend days together a month.

Will this hold any weight in court? Can he just demand to change the schedule even though its not the best thing for her? Does anyone have any advice at all please?

[TeaBelle]

You can't force him to have more contact than he wants though. Surely it would be better for dd to have regular contact that he actually signs up for rather than her not knowing whether she will see him or not. Stability is more.important than the frequency. Although I don't disagree that this should also fit in with siblings so your dd gets family time

[redcardi]

Thank you for replying. Yes i agree but its pretty much the same amount of time just spread over different days. Except for christmas when he wants her all eve/christmas day until boxing day. So effectively the kids will only see her once every two years at christmas.

[MumOfTwoMasterOfNone]

I would suggest mediation in this instance and hopefully someone can help you come to an agreement that is highly skilled and trained in these matters.
That is still pretty regular contact and surely it's better that he does this than sticks to what you have decided and lets your DD down when he is busy? You are no longer together and he is going to move on and forge a new life for himself. Yes, he still has an obligation to your DD, but it can't all be on your terms, it's clearly not working for him.

[redcardi]

Such a shame it's come to this and I suppose he can get his own way. The only benefit is to him and the only people who lose out are the kids.

[MumOfTwoMasterOfNone]

It's not about getting his own way, it's about finding a workable solution for you all. I'm sorry but I don't think it's reasonable that you expect him to stick to the arrangement you had with your exH as that's what suits you. Your ex still sounds like he still wants regular contact with your DD so hopefully she shouldn't lose out too much. The other DC still have regular contact with your DD. Be careful about pushing him away.

[BlackeyedSusan]

which is most important to you? Christmas or weekends?

have you sounded out the other kids dad to see if he still wants to do his current schedule?

one would have thought that the children would benefit from the same Christmas arrangements. Can the youngests dad have her more either before or after Christmas day with the same swap over time as the others?