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Family court / legal matters

12 replies

user1472305808 · 27/08/2016 22:31

Hi All I'm new to this but my ex is taking me back to court for the 2nd time. He took me to court when daughter was 2years old suggesting I had stopped him from seeing her. Yet to be proven to have lied. Then after I drew arrangements up with court he never stuck to them. Therefore being absent for long periods of time to date.

Now he's at it again. Only my daughter is now 8 with no relationship her father- devoid of emotion. Ex has put a application in to suggest once again I am stopping him. His statements are completely contradicting. He says he has access every other weekend which has been stopped for no reason, yet never has there been any arrangement of alternate weekends.

We went to court, he got solicitor last minute which left me very under hand. Had three awful magistrates that had been presented with statements like they'd asked for. But yet never read. And the long and short of it is they have just allowed themselves to believe that he's always had access. Very far from the truth.

I have now had to get a solicitor and we go back in October. I feel massively let down by the magistrates, says this is all in child's best interests yet they have told me I have to force her... It would be like forcing her with a stranger! It's massively desires sing because you are trying to encourage your child but go against her wishes, she wants nothing to do with him. I want to support her but he's trying to make it look like I'm an obstruction. My statement has been truth and on oath and his has been complete lies. If only magistrates had read our statements it would have been clear.

My youngest daughter has a different dad, we separated a few years ago and we have a great friendship and my youngest sees him every other weekend. Does this not prove I'm not a controlling mother. The father of my youngest did a statement on behalf of me as he knows the ex is a complete liar. Also knows how my eldest feels about her biological dad. Yet no statements have been read.

Do I get a solicitor or do I get a barrister? Because I'm constantly in tears for how unfair and unjust this all is for my daughter. Both my girls live a very privileged lifestyle which I alone provide. How do you force a 8year old mature girl to go to somewhere she cries about going. She doesn't trust him at all. Any advice would be great guys. This is the hardest emotionally draining thing I've ever had to witness.

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NNChangeAgain · 27/08/2016 22:59

The court will expect you to support your DD having a relationship with her dad - so you will be expected to reassure your DD that she can trust him, that she has no reason to be upset and that overcoming the anxiety she currently has about spending time with him is the best thing for her.

If you act as her champion - suggesting that she is mature enough to make this decision (and understand the impact her refusal to see him will have on her long term) - then you will lose credibility in court. 8 year olds cannot make informed judgements about these things, that is why adults are responsible for them.

However, Magistrates are, sadly, trained amateurs. It doesn't surprise me that they haven't read statements etc. But, the advantage is that they do listen to the advice of the Clerk, and the CAFCASS Officer.

Was a wishes and feelings report ordered? What did your DD say?

While the court are very unlikely to make an order for no contact, the way in which your DD presented to CAFCASS - scared/angry/conflicted - will inform the recommendations they make.

Work with the court, present yourself as someone who is keen to re-build the relationship between your DD and her Dad, and seek the advice of the professionals who work for the court as to the best way to achieve that.

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user1472305808 · 27/08/2016 23:36

Thank you for that advice. I want my DD to be happy and content. Something which is usually. But having her biological father put his head up again has really unnerved her. She's frightened of him. He used to force her to do things and when she got sad and upset and wanted to come home he wouldn't let her. He lies so badly, even to the piont where he would tell her she's lying to cover his lies. She knows what he is. So many years absent she doesn't want to be around him.

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NNChangeAgain · 28/08/2016 10:40

I don't doubt it, but in court, the expectation is that you will work to overcome that fear, and those barriers.
If you support her resistance to re-engaging with her dad, you will be considered to be hostile.

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Fourormore · 28/08/2016 10:59

Agree with NN.
I'd also ask MNHQ to remove your name from your post. Anyone can read it, your post is pretty identifiable and posting about an ongoing court case online can be considered contempt of court.

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user1472305808 · 28/08/2016 16:11

How do I delete?

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Fourormore · 28/08/2016 16:26

I've reported it so that MNHQ can delete it for you.

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user1472305808 · 28/08/2016 20:22

Thank you xx

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MovingOnUpNow · 13/01/2022 01:35

We have a child arrangement order stating that I live abroad with my daughters from first marriage. We came back to UK for few months to see family as we couldn’t travel for so long due to covid. My question is does a stay in the UK affect the court order stating that we have permission to live abroad? (Living in NZ in case that matters) grateful for any possible advice.

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Collaborate · 13/01/2022 06:11

@MovingOnUpNow

You really need to start your own thread.

This is as much of not more than a question for a NZ lawyer. A temporary UK stay of even a few months will not change habitual residence. That assumes no intention to resettle in the UKand this being temporary. If on the other hand you plan on being here for a couple of years that is not likely to be viewed as very temporary,

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Skeptadad · 13/01/2022 08:34

Same way you force a child to go to the dentist, GP, school or anything else they don't want to go to. If you don't it might help prove your ex is telling the truth. Looks like you aren't being supportive of the relationship with her dad.

My brothers daughters would love to see their estranged mother as my brother is also very considered in how he talks about mum and speaks with compassion and in a child centric way.

Why is he back on the scene now? Oftentimes from what I have picked up over the past two years is because there's a new partner.