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What step to take next

(4 Posts)
Bev1992 Sat 19-Dec-15 15:06:59

If anyone has any legal advice regarding this matter or maybe the best action to take to protect myself.
My daughters father has regular contact with her, roughly 3 nights a week depending on what shifts he is working. He has her every Thursday after school over night to Saturday morning, and then one day after school either to take her swimming lesson and for tea or over night if he is not working.
I am very flexible to his days as his shifts often change on a weekly basis. Where he is not flexible to myself and often bully's and abuses me if I do not agree to what he wants. The abuse ranges from reasons such as where to collect my daughter, what times and also if I don't change the days or allow more contact if he's working on arranged days, by me havin plans pre arranged for this days already.
He threatens court ect regarding on my partner and if I live with him and in just fed up of the abusive messages and the bullying. If it ever went to court I have kept records(screenshots) of messages he has sent..days he has cancelled and the abuse he gives me for me sayin I have plans certain days he wants my daughter and him bein awquad to arranging times and places for collection. I'm at the end of my tether wth it all tbh. I don't want Togo to court but all the abuse and bullying I want something in writing to say he cannot change certain day and that we should meet at certain places and times for collection. I would like to have it in writing an agreement that we both stick too 100% so hopefully it reduces the bullying and abuse. If he did want I pursue court would my evidence of abusive messages be valid in court? Also I would like it in writing about birthday and holidays . He himself is havin her in his house Christmas Day, I am going to arrive 6am to be there before she wakes up and he is taking her to dinner with his family until 3pm. He has then said he's havin her early Boxing Day Evan tho I will have her for four house on xmss day before she goes to bed, I have also said my family are coming down Boxing Day as she is with him xmss day but still the abuse and times ect.i have said she can stay with him boxing night and we have half Boxing Day but he is still trying to bully me into him havin her earlier than what I think is resonable to us both..Boxing Day I have said he can have her from 2,3pm for the night but it's still not good enough.I am being flexible for this for her to see her cousins on xmss day which are of similar age and that's why I said this year he can take her for Christmas lunch.. but I said next year we alternate it. I know he will just give me abuse and bully me again next year into give him everything he wants. What shall I do? I want something that is written and that he cannot change as if when he feels like it as I feel if it's not legally done he will do so.any advice please. Btw we both share parental responsibilities but she is with me more. He doesn't really pay for her ect also but i don't care about the money side. All I want is for the abuse to stop and for him to not belittle me and push me out from havin my daughter.

Littlefish Sat 19-Dec-15 15:14:38

The only way you have a chance of stopping this is either through mediation, court, or putting your foot down and refusing to agree to his demands. Every time you give in and agree, he knows that he has the upper hand and will therefore behave in the same way next time.

Bev1992 Sat 19-Dec-15 15:55:33

Yes I know. I have put my foot down but I can't live with this uncertainty ect and the abuse as I know it will continue. If we went to mediation would he have to stick by it and if he changed this what would happen?

0Dunbar Thu 24-Dec-15 03:19:52

Well, he sounds delightful!

If you went to mediation he would not be bound by any promises he makes, however you can agree at mediation to enter a c100 court application to apply for a child arrangements order by consent, that is a court order sealing the arrangements you have agreed upon.

However, if he were to play up and not stick to the court order you have the ordeal of applying for enforcement of the order which is not exactly successful at the best of times as court expects the parties to be somewhat flexible when it comes to rearranging a few things.

I would recommend that you tell him no in future when he wants the child when you have made plans, you are the primary carer - if he doesn't like it, tough. He doesn't get to dictate to you when he doesn't have a court order, perhaps suggest that he gets one and foots the expense of it to save you the money. Also, sort out your child maintenance!

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