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Reporting sexual abuse after 18 years

(14 Posts)
dolphin789 Sun 30-Aug-15 04:01:38

Just after some advice, I was abused by a family member (older brother) between ages 11-15. I didnt tell any one at the time, told my parents aged 21, B denied anything had happened eventually admitted it to them but that it 'wasn't as bad as I was saying'. Anyway I now live abroad so I have a physical distance and am in therapy to work through all my issues, my main reason for telling the police is that he now is married (I dont know how) and has a baby girl. This concerns me big time. So mainly I want to report it and hope the the child stays under the radar of social services. Does anyone know would social services do this solely based on my accusation without a guilty verdict from the court? I do also want to report it for my own closure and so my parents can appreciate the extent of what I went through.

wickedlazy Sun 30-Aug-15 04:45:05

I have no idea op but flowers I hope you get closure, and he gets a conviction. Contact social services as a starting point? I think they will offer you some counselling and support too, if you want it.

wickedlazy Sun 30-Aug-15 04:47:51

Have you been on this thread?

Tons of support, and advice.

cdtaylornats Sun 30-Aug-15 08:33:28

You have to consider your actions here. Are your parents still alive? How will they react to you destroying your brothers family and possibly removing their grandchild from their lives?

I sympathise with your need for vengeance (or closure) and your desire to protect his child, but you have no proof the child is in danger.

Duggee Sun 30-Aug-15 08:42:46

Cdtaylornats- that is such an insensitive post. You should really think twice before posting in a thread like this.

OP please report this to the police. If he ever does something like this again, your evidence will help back up new evidence
He could even be convicted on your evidence alone, especially if you had confideded in a friend, wrote a diary etc. If your parents would support you, his confession to them will be evidence.

dolphin789 Sun 30-Aug-15 20:40:15

Thanks wicked for you response and support I read through that thread it was useful.

CD I'm sure you meant to be helpful but I didn't find your post particularly supportive.

Duggee I don't think I kept anything from that time but I have friends who know and my DH, plus I am in therapy now who I presume could write a statement? I live in the U.S. now but he is still in UK, do you know would it be the police force where I grew up I would contact?

Thanks for the support

cdtaylornats Mon 31-Aug-15 08:32:11

Dolphin I am sorry had you asked for support rather than advice I wouldn't have commented, but I thought an alternative view might help. When it comes down to it, your decision is the one that matters but there will be repercussions from your actions regardless of your decision. If you really think the child is in danger then of course you must act, if you don't think that then you have to consider the damage your revelations will do to the child.

wowfudge Mon 31-Aug-15 08:50:20

cdtaylornats - you have just made it worse by your second post! Any repercussions from the OP reporting her older brother would ultimately be down to his behaviour. If my partner had abused someone I would sure as hell want to know, even more so should we have a child together.

VerityWaves Mon 31-Aug-15 08:54:50

Cd you don't mention once the brothers actions and behaviour! He was the one that has done wrong here not the OP.

Lweji Mon 31-Aug-15 08:56:59

Why shouldn't anyone report a crime that was committed against them? <the mind boggles>

He should have been the one considering repercussions.

Apart from the baby, he may well have been abusive towards other females, even young girls.

As for repercussions, if he were to abuse his daughter, that would surely cause a bigger impact on her than any conviction.
And op's parents already know. They just ignored it. sad

I'd be talking to the police and social services about it.

dolphin789 Mon 31-Aug-15 14:21:23

Lw do you know how I might get in touch with police or ss? I've no idea where they live now so I don't know where I would even start! My concern is for the child now and in the future and for other people he could come into contact with, doesn't work with children so unlikely but you never know.

It's still very traumatic to think about and talk about in rl so to report it to will be a big deal for me, whether or not I can actually explained what happened without having a breakdown is another matter.

Just need to know where to start with reporting now, which police force or ss? Or to context nspcc or victims support in the first instance?

Lweji Mon 31-Aug-15 14:43:59

You could contact rape crisis, but I'm not sure they would know much about the child protection aspect. For that I might go the NSPCC route.

I would contact both the police and the ss enquiring about how best to proceed without giving details for now. Then decide how, on your own time.

If you report it, they should be able to track him down (it's the police's job). I'd go first to the force of the area where the crime took place and take it from there. Hopefully they will have a dedicated unit, or specialised personnel.

Duggee Mon 31-Aug-15 20:42:29

I would phone 101 (uk) and ask. That's the police non emergency number.

tb Sat 12-Sep-15 19:06:49

I reported historic abuse some 30-odd years after the event. The police were brilliant. Unfortunately, one of the defendants spun the police a line that they believed.....the other gave a 'no comment' interview.

You have every right to report it, and will be treated with compassion if my experience is anything to go by.

Good luck, OP.

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