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was not a risk but now i am - help please :)

(19 Posts)
chr1582 Tue 12-May-15 23:20:16

Hi all can I please say I have nothing to hide what to ever.

I have over done it with my ex partner.

With a ex ex unfortunately 4 kids have been adopted due to a number of reasons

My ex partner knows all of this as I was honest

With my ex we have liked each other on/off for quite a few years until what has happened recently ):

Ok,the story I find things like that hard to write ):

Because we got together fully we was friends, close friends even though she fully know what happens to my kids. She also has a 10 year old daughters.

We both want to know what would happen if we lived together as we I started to like each other alot.

After many phone calls with ss 3 three record, Ss said I am no risk. She told her family too and there was ok as Ss give me the ok

Everything was ok until middle ish February when my ex ex turned up and wanted to talk to me. I refused as to much as happened. 2or 3 night later she and partner came back and smashed a window. I was straight on the phone to the police and I give a statement. They also made multiple malicious phone call to out of hours Ss. When the police they rises NO concerns. It was a police welfare check
A few days later we had a letter saying thery want to do a home visit to see us then they said I was a risk however I got told I was not a risk calls records.

My exparter is apx 28/29 Weeks pregnancy. If Ss said I was a risk then we would NEVER be in tho postion.

We now live separately because of all of this trouble as its much easier as my ex ex lives a few mins away):

My ex ex has course a lot of problems in the last 2 weeks from making malicious phone call's to Ss to making up fake facebook accounts in her daughters name. Each and every time we have reports this and its like the police are doing nothing.

Last time Ss went round to my ex partners place Ss said any more malicious complains will not be investigated if it comes from the ex ex or and new partner + her mum.

I would love to try again but not move back in for oiv reasons how since I have been told the ex never loved me (ouch)
I loved her very much and her daughter.and we now have a daughter on the way. She is apx 28/29,weeks pregnant.

While I have done nothing wrong Ss are takeing action about me. I am on stage 1,complaint with the council as Ss and say we never Sai you are ok with kids. Ss have now heard the calls.

I would love to show my love to our daughter. Its not much harder when everybody has turned there back to me.
I have signed up to do a parenting course and I work 40+hrs a week

chr1582 Thu 14-May-15 15:36:03

Bump please

emotionsecho Thu 14-May-15 15:50:10

This is difficult to understand.

You had 4 children with your ex ex and they were all adopted, by whom your ex ex and her new partner, or completely new unrelated people?

What do you mean by wanting to show your daughter love?

What are you actually asking? What aspect are you looking for advice on?

chairmeoh Thu 14-May-15 15:53:34

Do you mean that you want legal advice over the situation where SS advised that you were not a risk and then changed their mind?
Or over how you can prevent ex ex from causing more trouble?
Or over how you can be close to your soon-to-be born baby?

Collaborate Thu 14-May-15 18:03:34

I too find it difficult to follow your original post. Is there any way in which you can rephrase it to make it more comprehensible?

chr1582 Thu 14-May-15 20:55:18

The kids have all been adopted unrelated people?

Chairmeoh,,on all 3 counts you are right

chairmeoh Fri 15-May-15 07:50:21

Well, to be honest, I'd avoid legal fights with Social Services if you want their support in having contact with your new child.
Let the police deal with your ex ex. Keep a log of incidents and report every one.
Give your ex some distance, but make sure to text her when you know she's got an ante natal or midwife appt, just saying something like 'hope all is well with you and the baby, let me know how you got on x'. Keep things calm, let her know you're there when she needs you and that you love her (if you do) and the baby. She's had an awful time, she probably needs to get her feelings straight and concentrate on stabilising her daughters life.

Jasmineskye Fri 15-May-15 07:54:44

I think I follow. You had four children with your ex partner; these children were sadly adopted due to a variety of reasons. Following on from this, you met a new partner and she became pregnant. She is now 29 weeks and SS have raised concerns due to the number of malicious complaints being made about you - is that right?

SS have also lied claiming they did not say you were not a risk to children.

It sounds as if you are doing everything you can and I wish you well. I'm sure other wiser posters will be along but (forgive me) if finances are an option I'd definitely look into getting the best solicitor I could.

chr1582 Fri 15-May-15 08:12:54

You are both right. I am currently at stage one complaint.

If I got told at the time I was a risk then we would never be in this position

chr1582 Fri 15-May-15 08:14:36

I have always said i am here if you ever need me.

I will not turn my back on baby

chr1582 Fri 15-May-15 20:28:33


chairmeoh Sat 16-May-15 00:39:28

Have you had any legal advice?

chr1582 Sat 16-May-15 00:57:36

No not as yet as I am waiting for a letter to come from Ss to confirm that the ex ex and co have been given me hasserment and this will be used for a divorce to

chr1582 Wed 20-May-15 10:53:23

Sorry bump please smile

goddessofsmallthings Thu 21-May-15 05:49:51

As I understand it:

1. Four of the children you fathered with an ex-partner were taken into care because of serious concerns for their welfare and were put up for adoption.

2. You subsequently entered into a relationship with another woman who has a 10yo dd.

3. Prior to living with this woman and her dd, you telephoned Social Services who informed you that you were not deemed a risk to children.

Presumably your new partner was sufficiently reassured by the conversation(s) you had with Social Services (which, as I understand it, you recorded) to become pregnant by you and this child is due to be born in 10 or so weeks' time.

4. In February of this year your ex came to the home you were sharing with your new partner and her dd. After you refused to enter into any debate with her, she returned a few nights later with her new partner and she or he broke a window which resulted in you calling the police and making a statement of complaint.

In addition, since that date your ex has made false/malicious allegations against you to Social Services and has allegedly committed other acts which could be construed as harassment.

5. Although, as you claim, the police did not raise any concerns about the welfare of your new partner's dd, Social Services made a home visit at which time they deemed you to be a risk to children.

However, Social Services have also stated that they will not investigate any further complaints which are made to them by your ex, her partner, or her mother.

Given the above, am I correct in assuming that it was determined you should live apart from your new partner because of the potential implications for her dd and the child she is expecting if she continues to share a home with you, but that at the present time she has to all intents and purposes ended her relationship with you?

Am I also correct in assuming that the 'stage 1 complaint' you refer to is one you have instigated against Social Services because of the allegedly conflicting assessments of your risk to children, and that you have submitted recording(s) you made of those conversations in which were told you posed no risk to substantiate your complaint?

If so, you are best advised to wait for the outcome of your complaint and return to this board if it is necessary for you to escalate it to stage 2.

Reading between the lines, it seems probable that you and your ex parted on acrimonious terms and she may have taken umbrage at the fact that you have gone on to father another child, while she may have been told that any further children she has will be removed at birth.

If this is the case, while her behaviour is undesirable, it would be understandable if she feels aggrieved and your refusal to speak with her may have caused her to act out.

Without knowing why/when your children were put up for adoption or when you commenced living with your new partner, it could be that your ex feels you moved on too quickly into the type of family unit that may be denied her.

I note that you mention 'divorce'. Are you in fact married to your ex? If so, and given that you have stated that you known your new partner for a number of years, it could be that your ex perceives her as being 'the other woman'.

Given the loss of what may be the children of the marriage, it would be politic to negotiate a divorce by mutual consent after 2 or more years' separation rather than use recent events as grounds for divorce because of your spouse's unreasonable behaviour.

In any event, it seems to me that you have little alternative but to wait for the dust to settle before you attempt to mend bridges with either your ex or the mother of your forthcoming fifth? child.

chr1582 Thu 21-May-15 08:12:23

Hi goddessofsmallthings thanks for you message,

Myself and my to be are talking but its on/off alot, I have told Ss and mum to be my back with never be turned on our daughter.

The divorce is going to happen as today going to the court with all paperwork.

The 3 kids was given up for adoption as my family and I was not getting and support from Ss and mum to the kids was making malicious calls to ss/police.

The 4th was taken at birth and that's when mum though its was more important to have a relationship with another man who has had a daughter in law taken away and being with her mum.

Ss could see a big difference in me and mum

goddessofsmallthings Fri 22-May-15 05:01:41

Have you instructed a solicitor who specialises in family law to draft your petition for divorce?

If so, they will be able to advise you should the outcome of stage 1 of the complaint procedure you have instigated against Social Sevices not be to your satisfaction.

With regard to what you allege to be a 'big difference' between yourself and wife it seems to me that, as the pair of you failed to properly parent the four children you chose bring into this world to the extent that Social Services had no option but to put them up for adoption, there is little to choose between you.

Given that your wife took up with another man shortly after your 4th child was removed at birth and you took up with another woman and proceeded to father yet another child, in my opinion neither of you can be said to occupy the moral high ground.

On the basis of what you've said here, if the mother-to-be of your 5th child were to post on the Relationships board she would be told in no uncertain terms to have nothing further to do with you which, I suspect, is along the lines of whatever advice she has sought or been given by her friends and family.

If it transpires that you are as unable to play any meaningful part in the life of your 5th offpsring as you are in the lives of your first 4 children, it's to be hoped that you will at least make whatever child maintenance payments are required of you in law.

chr1582 Tue 26-May-15 21:03:29

Hi all it appears now that Ss are going to be dropping the case now they know its all been malicious via my ex ex partner. My current ex partner and I are now talking more more its going to take some still but at least is a big step in the right direction.

Will photo the letter when it come smile

chr1582 Fri 29-May-15 21:01:58

Its all now starting to look extremely positive. now its partly in writing, that the case closing

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