Non molestation order

[Slashtrophe]

Hi

I'm trying to find out if this would be appropriate, any advice much appreciated.

I split up with my ex 5.5 years ago. We have 2 dc, now 9 and 6. My ex was very resistant to the ending of the relationship and still claims to be very hurt and a victim. He refused to buy me out/sell the house, we went to mediation (but he'd only go if I agreed to everything with him first, and then said though he'd agreed to it he certainly wasn't going to do it) so eventually I started court proceedings and that part was resolved.
He found paying maintenance by standing order difficult as he would prefer that I would have to ask him several times each month before he paid it, so I have gone through the CSA.
Access has been an issue for him as he would like it to be on a flexible basis - i.e., if its a sunny day he'd like to have them, not if a football game is on - and after years of trying to be flexible I have had enough and now give him a calendar of several months to a year ahead. He has good access.
On a general level he is unreliable and untrustworthy and cannot stick to his word.
Since splitting up he is generally verbally rude, and is in contact frequently, phoning, texting and emailing often. I have counted up and its on average 15 times a week, which I think is unnecessary for the arrangements we have. Often his reason for ringing is to say how upset the children are because of something I have done/not done/to tell me they miss him so much. I have recently moved in with a partner and it has been worse since then.
Would a non molestation order be appropriate? I don't want to stop him seeing the children, I just want him to leave me alone, and though I have asked him repeatedly to stop he just gets really sarcastic and does it more. He won't do this in front of my partner but if he gets me alone he will go on and on and on at me - generally about how unreasonable I am for not spending time with him, and how this is really upsetting for the children.
Thank you!

[Flexibilityiskey]

He sounds like a pain in the backside to deal with! It certainly sounds like you need some sort of order in place. If you wanted to you could contact the police for advice, as this could be considered harassment. There is no reason for him to be verbally abusive to you, or to contact you for any reason other than to discuss contact, or genuine issues with the children.

I have heard of some people keeping a specific phone for ex partners. I don't know if that is something that could work for you? It would mean changing your phone number, then get a cheap PAYG mobile number, that you give just him, so you only need to switch it on periodically, when you are ready to deal with him, and obviously when the DC's are with him in case of problems. You then give your main number to everyone else, so he can't get hold of you on it.

Whatever you decide to do, keep a log of contact from him. Keep and texts, voicemails, emails. If he calls note down when he called and what he said, and who else heard what was said. That is all useful in case you do need it in future to back up an application for an order, or if you need to get the police involved.

[YouSayBelloISayPoppaye]

You need to contact 101, it's classed as harassment only if you don't respond.

You need to send him on email along the lines of;

Ex

I am asking you to stop contacting me unless it is an absolute emergency regarding the DC's. Anything else you send which is not an emergency will be seen as harassment by myself and will be forwarded to the police.

Slash"

I've had to do this with my DS's father and it's take over 4 years just to get a harassment warning notice in place, Make sure the police log the incident as idividually and not as a whole. My DS's father will harass for a week or so then when the police speak to him he'll go quite for a couple of months then start again. It's still classed as harassment.

You need to prove you've involved the police and not 'encouraged' (as the court would see it) conversation

[Slashtrophe]

Thank you! Sounds like I should have an initial chat with the police - would they need to be aware in order to get a court order? How come it took 4 years to get a harassment notice?
I have asked him to only email at present, I have never let him have my landline, I can change my number and get a new phone.
Thank you, I will send him an email as above

[YouSayBelloISayPoppaye]

It took so long because they would go round have a chat then he would stop for a month or so and start again, they'd log the incident as one and not a whole. However you can ask the Sargent for one soon (i didn't know about them though) They're also served on them so if he refuses to sign it doesn't matter.

I'd speak to the police initially, my solicitor say's so due to the fact the court will have more evidence then just "he said she said" and it shows that you've actively tried to stop it and not encouraged it.

[YouSayBelloISayPoppaye]

But if he is using communicating about the DC's as a way of harassing the OP then it's not helpful to have that option for him if he's going to abuse it and tell the OP how rubbish she's doing, how the DC's are upset because of her etc. He knows when he is and is not having the DC's so the only times he needs to contact the OP is in an emergency to say the DC's have hurt themselves if in his care or to say that he is not coming.