explain divorce to a legal numpty

[houmousandcarrotsandwich]

I've been directed this way from the relationship board.

basically, H has had emotional affairs, joined dating websites and kissed 2 other women, since being married to me. There could be a lot more but this is all I have proof of! We have 2 young dcs.

h currently refuses to leave our home (owned, in both our names). It has been suggested that I can get him out by filling a decree nisi.
I have been given some gumf from solicitors, but finding it all confusing.

can anyone explain the process in a language I can understand?

[iheartdusty]

In a nutshell -three separate but parallel parts.

Part 1 - ending the marriage - ie divorce. One person (eg you) fills out a Petition and states one of the prescribed grounds for divorce - eg the other person has behaved unreasonably. the other person may or may not attempt to dispute it; usually not. The court makes a provisional order (= decree nisi) and subsequently a final order (= decree absolute). Then you are no longer married. Sometimes there is a costs order. Sometimes the decree absolute is stopped by the court until the parties have their financial matters sorted out.

Part 2: the money. Now called 'financial remedy' or 'financial order'. Used to be called ancillary relief. This is where the parties try to agree what will happen to house, money, pension etc, and if they can't agree, the court imposes an order. You cannot do Part 2 without Part 1.

Part 3; the children. Mostly people manage to agree some sort of arrangements about how the children divide their time between the parents. If they can't agree, one or the other can make an application to court. Part 3 is completely independent from and separate from Parts 1 and 2.

If you want the other person to leave a shared or jointly owned home you can try to obtain that through part 2 - financial order proceedings. If there has been violence or threats, it is also possible to get an "occupation order" but this is not permanent, and it is for extreme situations. It is not available just where people do not get on any more and are rather mean and grumpy to each other as a result. 'Emotional abuse' may not be sufficient, because it may be very difficult to tell it apart from the kind of unreasonable and awkward behaviour and general horridness that people do unfortunately display when their relationship has broken down. Occupation orders are for short term situations and are only granted where a person needs protection.

hope that helps.

[houmousandcarrotsandwich]

Thank you iheartdusty much more English!

So a decree nisi alone will not mean he has to leave?

Also am I right that to file for divorce I need to pay £410?

[Noregrets78]

Not a legal bod, but from my own experience...
Decree nisi will not make a difference as he still jointly owns the house. The only way forward is to get the occupation order (sounds as though you may not have enough for that) or to sort the finances so the house is in your name (as mentioned above you can only do this upon divorce anyway).

The other option of course is to appeal to his sensible side,which you've presumably already tried), or to move out yourself (be careful - pros and cons...)

[houmousandcarrotsandwich]

So if he's not amicable, and I haven't enough for occupation order, he doesn't have to leave until we decree absolute?

[NewJobNewLife]

He doesn't have to leave until you have agreed the finances and decided who, if anyone, will stay in the house. The finances are normally agreed before the court will issue a decree absolute.

[iheartdusty]

As the other posters have said, decree nisi and decree absolute do not have any effect at all on who stays or who goes, or what happens to the house.

You could get a decree absolute; you would no longer be married; and if the house continued to be jointly owned, you would both still be fully entitled to live there.

if the house is only owned by one person, the other person has a right to live there for as long as the marriage lasts. So in that situation only, a decree absolute would end the occupation rights of the non-owner. That is one of the reasons why the finances usually have to be sorted before decree absolute will be allowed.

[houmousandcarrotsandwich]

Thank you all, think its gonna be a bumpy road ahead