I am really keen to gain views of other mums about the issues I have.
My husband and I separated nearly two years ago and have up until recently had equal amounts of time with the children. I have three children girl 9 boy 7 and girl 3. My children have some health concerns namely ceoliacs disease and lactose intolerance. I have always been concerned about the time split we have and only agreed to him having the children for half the time as I felt under pressure to to do.
I have since been in lengthly email discussion with him regarding this and he is maintaining that the children should stay with him for 50% of the time and outlining a block of 5 days where I would not see my children at all. I have suggested two nights in the week Mon and Tuesday and every other weekend as being reasonable and over 14 nights would see him with 6 nights staying access and 8 nights with me.
He claims that he has equal responsibility and is also the primary care giver and that we are to call both houses their home. While I understand that this is his right as a parent and that this seems fair I can't help but feel concerned for children having to divide their time and home between two houses. I feel that the children should have a base that they call home. I think as a adult I would struugle with this.
I am always the one who takes the children to the Doctors, dentist, hospital, hair appointments, buys the school clothes, fills in forms and generally deals with most of the practical aspects of being a mum as I have always done. I am also the one who takes days off work to look after them if they are unwell. I think in two years he has taken a morning off to sit with a poorly child.
While I feel that he is a good Dad I do feel that he misses a lot about the subtle changes in the children that as a mother I notice and he certainly never picks up on the little ailments the children have. The obvious ones like coughs and sickness are cleary noticed.
I am really concerned about the impact on my childrens emotional health if they are to be forced to have 5 days separation from me. I believe that children need to have emotional and physical contact with thier mother if she is avaliable for that. I also believe that as my children grow older and particularily my girls it is important for them to be with their mum. I'm sure that they can make choices for themselves as they become teenagers.
I have asked a solicitor to support me in my conflict and I am worried that I will end up in court essentailly over one nights access for him, This is not what I want for my children as the eldest two are old enough to be asked by the courts for their opnions.
I know that he will then be in the position of have 5 nights away from the children should my access request be upheld.
My solicitor has suggested we seek mediation however I am really concerned that I will be beaten down again and feel under pressure to go with what he wants rather than what I feel is best for the children.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and please let me know your thoughts.
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reasonable access for staying contact
9 replies
Mimibellatree · 28/10/2013 17:39
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