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(7 Posts)
bailey2u Wed 24-Oct-12 16:39:58

Hi all,

Wondered if any of you could advise me?

I divorced last year and was awarded custody because my ex is self employed, travels alot and couldn't commit to regular and equal access (this was sorted through mediation).

As a result of this, I work part time to fit in with the kids, I never know from week to week when He is able to have the boys so basically whistle to his tune, ie when He can have them (2 nights a week average). My whole life and any plans for me revolve around him. He rarely (if ever) has them for a w/e because he's always working and during holidays its me that has to angst and struggle around childcare - around when he can/can't have them - but with the exception of 1 week he has never had them continuosly over a holiday period. So basically I am the childminder but expected to just 'fit in' with him.

I get approx £200 a month for 2 kids which he convinced the lawyers was correct, I've since talked to CSA and found out he should be paying £120 a month based on his tax return declaration. But they are handling that potato for me.

My problem is that because he only has them after school 2 nights a week, the cost to him is minimal - and as I have them weekends and holidays - far greater to me.

So I decided I wanted to job hunt and picked the area we both originally came from because there is far more scope there and better salaries. I have found a job where I can work from home (be out when the kids are at school) I am now at 2nd stage interview and told my ex..... he's gone ballistic and seeking legal advice to try and stop me.

My question is.... can he stop me? He could relocate as he's a freelance but wont. My kids don't want to move and are 10 but do they really know whats best for them? I'm trying to make a career but not at their expense. I just want to offer us a nicer life, nearer amenities (very in the sticks at the moment) and better opportunities.

I am an older Mum and have worked out that in 8 years when tax credits and maintenance stop, I will be fairly unemployable (due to age) but stuck with a financial shortfall and no prospects... whilst my ex will have had his cake and eat it!!

Does this plan sound so wrong? I'm not saying he can't see them, I never have. He's just p'd off cos I won't be whistling to his tune anymore. I divorced on grounds of unreasonable behaviour and its taken 18 months of rebuilding my life to get this far....

Anyone got any ideas? Thanks for reading x

Collaborate Wed 24-Oct-12 16:53:33

Doesn't sound wrong. Provided you remail in the UK he'd have to get a court order to stop you from moving, and from what others have posted that seems to be harder to get in some parts of the country than others.

babybarrister Thu 25-Oct-12 19:04:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NatashaBee Thu 25-Oct-12 19:12:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bailey2u Thu 25-Oct-12 21:48:26

Thank you for your responses - I'm new, wasn't sure if I'd get any!!
I'd be about 1.5 hrs away. I would make access as easy and often as possible - I have no problem with that at all.... but he rarely has them weekends so their stays with him are generally after school events (fb for example), tv, computer, dinner bed anyway. He rarely takes them anywhere (other than to pizzahut!). Much of his work would be closer and his parents live quite close by...which I also happen to think is important as I only have my Father and he lives abroad. I just don't understand him :-(

On a lighter note, he has announced he's gone from self employed to a Ltd company and his net income is now £7900 - to ensure maintenance is limited when the csa get in touch! So on that basis I have to get a better job now!!!

Onwards and upwards!

Collaborate Thu 25-Oct-12 22:18:42

That won't help him with the CSA. After they've done their initial calculation you need to ask them to do a variation. Initially this is to take into account dividend income, but you can also ask them to add to that income he has deliberately deprived himself of. This covers turnover he's kept in the company and any income he's diverted to a third party who hasn't earned it (eg he puts company in to name of a girlfriend).

bailey2u Sat 27-Oct-12 18:42:21

Thank you. That's really useful advice and much appreciated x

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