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Moved from relationships : Can anyone help me help my friend who is being royally shafted right now?

(9 Posts)
NotSureofTheLaw Fri 07-Oct-11 11:16:52

I have a male friend who is currently in a total mess. A few years back he married a woman who has always been rather difficult and they spent tens of thousands of pounds on the wedding that they didn't have. She earns significanly more than he does - much more - and is a bit of a spend thrift. She alone in the last few years has spent about 40 thousand pounds on joint credit cards which she has secured against the house and he has been powerless to stop her. She hides debts and doesn't let him access accounts on which he is a joint partner. The house is on a 100% mortgage and is in negative equity. She has recently decided that the marriage is over and is having an open affair. Out every night til 1am if not the next morning and is leaving packets of contraceptives out in the bedroom. As he has never earned anything like what she does he didn't ever pay half the bills and she has given him a choice - either he finds another 600 pounds a month to cover his half of the bills so that he can continue to live there or he moves out and they rent out the house and he takes on £20,000 of the shared debt and walks away. Not only this as she 'bought' (purchased) everything in the house she says she owns it all and he has nothing to his name. He tried to stop her spending throughout but she would just change his passwords on accounts and tell him she dealt with the money and he basically had to leave her to it. He adores her and is heart broken. All he wants is her back and doesn't give a stuff about the financial side, just wants his wife back. I feel I have to try and deal with the practical stuff because he wont get a solicitor or anything and she is STILL spending like crazy - taking out hundreds of pounds in cash on the joint credit cards for nights out partying. There are no children. He is still running the home, feeding the vast zoo of animals and the horse that are hers and praying she will come home. I feel so desperate for him. Hes not eating or sleeping and cant go into work with stress and if it carries on might lose his job. Help me help him?

Lougle Fri 07-Oct-11 11:20:33

Who's name is the mortgage in?

QuintessentialDead Fri 07-Oct-11 11:20:39

Wow. Just wow. I dont know how you can help him suddenly grow a back bone and teach him how to take control over his life and finances.

NotSureofTheLaw Fri 07-Oct-11 11:23:29

The mortgage is in shared names. She has loads of credit cards that are in shared names that have the wedding on and shes paying minimum payment on the joint debt and spending all her salary plus more on her own credit cards - he doesnt have any idea how many of them there are. She wants his car sad

Gonzo33 Fri 07-Oct-11 11:59:09

Ok, if she is saying that she wants to get a divorce and they have joint liabilities then he can do the following:

Open an account solely in his name. Get his salary and anything else paid into that account. Then call the banks that he has joint accounts/credit cards with and tell them they have separated and that he would like the accounts frozen. I don't know if they can do this with credit cards, but they can definately do it with current accounts. This will at least stop any further spending on her behalf.

Ask all accounts/credit card companies/loan companies for statements showing up to date balances.

The bad news is that he will be liable for the balance of these cards and the mortgage and any other debt that has his name on it (as will the wife).

QuintessentialDead Fri 07-Oct-11 12:03:52

And he needs to see a solicitor.

DorisIsAPinkDragon Fri 07-Oct-11 12:45:29

Would one of the credit rating companies not show up where the debts in his name are hiding (there may be an issue of fraud if these are in joint names and he has no knowledge.) which would at least give him some insight into what he is up against.

He needs a good solicitor asap

NotSureofTheLaw Fri 07-Oct-11 13:14:53

thank you all - not sure how to get him to eat a mouthful of soup right now let alone get a solicitor but thats got to be the goal. I think he would have to accept it was truly over to close the accounts but that needs to come first.

cestlavielife Fri 07-Oct-11 14:26:22

joint credit cards usually have one first named main card holder - if he is the first name he can remove her from those accounts, by calling the card company and cancelling her card/name. but then everything still owing will be in his name only. .

but if he is second named then she will have to remove him (i think) but he could call the card companies and ask.

however as they currently married not sure what position is in terms of joint debt.

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