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contact order help please

(6 Posts)
courthelpneeded Thu 22-Sep-11 10:18:43


I was looking for some suggestions/ advice please

Long story short is my partner has 2 children with his ex, always arguing he was forever moving back to his mums whilst he was at his mums which was very regular his ex would bring his daughter round to his mums so he could continue to see her, and she would collect her later that day. He would also on occasions go to his Ex’s flat to see his daughter. After his son was born (they had split up just before she found out she was pg) she also took both children to his mums and collected the baby later that day and he had his daughter overnight. Accused him twice of assaulting her during their many arguments which he was found not guilty in court for. She stopped contact after his son was born as she finally realized that my dp was certain that they would not get back together. Since then he has gone through solicitors she has made up lots of lies and he now needs to apply to court, which he has been saving to do and will be applying next month. When he gets to court he has proof she is lying, she says he is a drug user he has drug test results all clear, she continued to allow contact until she realized they wouldn’t get back together so stopped contact we have proof of this too, so although court could be lengthy we are confident he will get a contact order, she thinks she will be able to lie her way through court so he gets no contact at all. So far she has been good at manipulating the system!!

My question is what sort of contact does he request??

The reason I ask is originally he was going to request an interim order to start seeing the children right away prob at supported contact centre due to it being nearly a year he hasn’t seen them. Then he was going to request a couple of hours in afternoon a couple times a week slowly increasing to alternate weekends then over night. He works nights which is why he was asking for a few hours in afternoons to begin with, the children are only nearly 1 and just turned 2 so contact will have to be taken slowly.

However now my dp is unsure what to do, his ex has been yet again arrested for assault and affray charged and at court given a 12 month conditional discharge. The thing dp is extremely concerned about is his children were with her when she was fighting, the police arrived arrested everyone involved and had to follow her to her mums so she could drop the kids off and then she was taken to police station and there for 17 hours. My dp isnt happy that his children are being exposed to this sort of thing but isnt sure what he can or cant do about it. There are other issues like her dumping the kids with anyone so she can always go out etc but if he was seeing them on a regular basis these things wouldn’t be so bad.
He would love to have them full time as he doesn’t believe she is doing the best by the children, he doesn’t think they are mistreated in the sense they are fed and bathed etc but they are left to play so she can go online, or she dumps them with whoever to go out, dp is realistic though that the courts would only move children from their mum and their home for serious reasons were guessing like neglect etc and whilst her fighting and being arrested especially in front of the children is serious were aware it probably wouldn’t be enough for him to be able to have them live with him full time.

My dp has only ever had involvement with the police whilst he was with her, nothing before or since splitting from her, his ex on the other hand had been arrested for assault before she was with my dp and obviously since they have split too. This was a big reason my dp ended things because of the violence and police, he didn’t want his children around that sort of thing.

So what I am really asking is, does he continue to just apply for the contact as mentioned or is there something more he can do in court to ensure these children aren’t subjected to these things anymore

His solicitor is on holiday for another week so we were just looking for a bit of advice now if someone can help??? smile


countydurhamlass Thu 22-Sep-11 19:54:43

why is social services not involved? surely her lifestyle is a worry?

i would be looking at residence and interim residence in the meantime

courthelpneeded Thu 22-Sep-11 21:27:58

my dp called social services after he found out she was arrested again and she was kept in police cell for 17 hours and he was worried about where his kids were. The guy at social services wasn't interested and said it wasn't child welfare it was just a legal battle I get the impression they just thought he was point scoring or something. not really sure what else we can do with regards to social services.

We had talked about him applying for residency but we were under the impression that the courts wouldn't think this was bad, obv dp does as there his children and as a mother I couldn't imagine doing the things that she does but thought maybe it was just different parenting and the court wouldn't even entertain dp having them full time (I say we talked about it cos we live together)

any advice would be good

cestlavielife Fri 23-Sep-11 14:00:07

if he hasnt seen them for a year
"it being nearly a year he hasn’t seen them"

what has happened during that time?
Why has it been a eyar without contct?
he needs s to start building contact with them slowly and then after some time when they comfortable with him he can ask about shared residence of them.

courthelpneeded Fri 23-Sep-11 16:04:08

its been a year without contact because his ex wont let him see them, she basically told him when they split that if he leaves her then he is leaving them, if he doesnt love her he doesnt love them and she will do everything she can to never let him see them, which is exactly what she has done.

His solicitor has been trying to arrange contact since beginning of the year. his ex basically has told numerous lies via her solicitor (she said he was a drug abuser, so he got tested cos he doesnt touch them and got all clear) but she said dp could only see the children at a contact centre, by this point it was May so he agreed just so he could start seeing the children, it was a supported one and SS confirmed they had no concerns whatsoever about dp seeing them. went on waiting list, the day before contact was due to start his ex pulled out sad that was middle of Aug and he's been saving to apply to court since then

countydurhamlass Fri 23-Sep-11 18:46:46

i am presuming that you are over the limit for public funding (legal aid) if he is saving up for court. have you got the money for the court fee? the court fee is only about £200 and you can get the forms from the court website. the form he would need is a C100.

could you issue the proceedings yourselves and have an arrangement with the solicitor where you pay £100 a month or something on account during the court case or perhaps she could just offer you advice throughout without attending court to reprsent you? do you think your dh could represent himself?

once court proceedings are issued the likelihood is that a welfare report will be ordered by the judge to be prepared by either cafcass or social services. they will also do an initial report for the first hearing.

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