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What Can I Do Now?

(7 Posts)
xstitchsparkler Tue 16-Nov-10 17:19:15

Hope I can explain this properly. XH took me to court for full custody of dd to stop me moving to find work (within UK), stop me moving in with new dp and asked for his family to have rights (control).

The ruling was yesterday. She has ruled that I cannot move, that I should ‘comply with the wishes of <insert his familyname>. She has said I am an irresponsible mother for wanting to move in with someone I have been in her words ‘a very shory time’. She has called me lazy in her judgement for not finding a job closer.

XH was a control freak who raped me and the thought of having to always do as I am told fills me with dread and in fact makes me feel sick. My solicitor had advised me to keep quiet about the rape to avoid looking bad.

My solicitor has said that there is no right of appeal and I am unlikely to get another case. Because I have lost out on the job I have no money and will most likely be bankrupt by the summer. I cannot even afford my current legal aid contributions. He is going to make my life hell because of this, it has been his previous stated aim to make sure I ‘hurry up and kill myself’. I feel he has now been given legal backing to do this. What can I do now?

cestlavielife Wed 17-Nov-10 13:01:27

not sure solicitor was correct....

i can see that you bringing up rape in a custody case might look "bad" (ie that you might have "invented" it for the case)

but if it happened then it happneed - did you ever report it pvsly? was there any assault you reported him for?

have you evidence of his threats? eg emails or stored text messages? that werent put forward by your solicitor?

babybarrister Wed 17-Nov-10 14:40:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

xstitchbitch Wed 17-Nov-10 17:00:13

Solicitor said it would look like I was just trying to be nasty to XH.

Xh and his family giving evidence said that I was the worst mum ever, incapable of meeting dd's basic hygiene and nutritional needs. Said I obviously didn't want dd because I wasn't first to hold her. The reason I didn't hold her first was because I had an emergency section and they were having problems stopping me bleeding. I now really regret being as nice as possible.

I never reported the rape as I knew people would tell me he was my husband at the time and had the right to do what he wanted. I have a log of all the vile things dd has come home saying which solicitor refused to use. Never reported anything as his mum works for SS and they have had me living in fear for years of dd being taken away if I cross the line.

In her judgement she has stated all my earnings and working hours which are compltely incorrect and she has based part of her judgement on these 'facts'

I am now even more annoyed at being called irresponsible for wanting to move in with and marry dp. Found out that XH is about to marry his girlfriend of 6months. Annoyed that it appears to be ok in the eyes of the court for him to do it but not me after much longer. I don't understand that bit.

babybarrister Wed 17-Nov-10 18:27:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xales Wed 17-Nov-10 18:47:30

You still have your DD you husband did not get her?

So although you may be a little tied right now as to what you can do, think longer term.

You don't have to do everything your ex says. If it is unreasonable email/text saying no and keep a record. If he gets violent/abusive/aggressive contact the police.

You need to start compiling evidence/saving texts/keeping a diary so that when some time has moved on then you can make plans again.

Do not respond to calls it leaves no evidence. Make sure all your correspondence with him is in writing - some how.

Keep looking for other jobs. You will get a better one eventually.

In a year if you are still with your partner then well it is no longer such a short term relationship to move on with.

Maybe then look to moving not so far away but a compromise distance that will not be seen as so far away by a court.

Report him for the rape now. Maybe nothing can/will ever be done as it is your word against his but if he has done something to someone else (or does again) then is is all back up for the future.

Now is not the time to despair and give up. It is the time to lull them into thinking they have won and build your case for the future.

You have to play sneaky and devious and compile the proof you need that they are b"$%$£%.

Judge sounds like a lot of the stupid dickhead judges you read about unfortunately.

xstitchbitch Wed 17-Nov-10 20:40:15

Thing is I have already been with dp for 2 years so a year is only 50% longer. (been apart from XH for 3yrs divorced for 18mon) Are they going to see that as that much better?

Because the judgement states that I have been lazy I have started recording every job advert I have considered and recorded every stage of the application process. Is this a good idea?

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