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someone please tell me having no 4 will be ok because I've just found out I'm pregnant

(24 Posts)
sheepgomeep Sun 06-Sep-09 09:28:36

I'm about 6 weeks, its a total shock. Although this will be my fourth, there will six children plus dp and myself sharing a 3 bed. Because dsd stay at weekends and it's a tight squeeze as it is.

I only work pt and dp doesn't work. How will I cope? feeling very panicky at the thought.

Please no one slate me, my mum wasn't at all pleased, I'm feeling very sensitive at the mo.

Hassled Sun 06-Sep-09 09:34:57

Well firstly, congratulations . Secondly - is there a damn good reason why your DP doesn't work? Is he job-hunting? Is there anything else he could do to help with the job-hunting?

Is there any chance of being re-housed? Might be worth talking to the Housing Office (assuming you don't own). Otherwise - get looking for (lots of) bunkbeds on Freecycle. Like all of these things - in theory they're a nightmare, in reality you just cope. It will be fine.

In terms of practicalities - my fourth was a doddle. I knew what I was doing, I had much more confidence, and while DC4 was a nightmare toddler he was a very easy, placid baby, I think because I was calm. And I've had a lot of help from the older DCs.

posieparker Sun 06-Sep-09 09:37:29

I have 4, 4th was the most difficult babysadshock but now he's 10 months life is very very sweet.

6 dcs to care for and be responsible for does mean one of you needs a full time job.

posieparker Sun 06-Sep-09 09:37:54

PS Congratulations!!!

Prosecco Sun 06-Sep-09 09:57:37

Congrats. I was one of four in a 3 bed house and it was totally fine, even with the odd guest. ( I do realise yours are more frequent visitors).How old are your dc?

Agree you need to look at the work situation as this will alleviate some of the financial stress of a fourth.

Re. the shock, there are 7-8 months for you to get your head around the idea, get prepared and even get excited grin

Re. your mother, my mum would probably be the same initially. She is only worried about you. Could she offer any practical help when she gets used to the idea?

sheepgomeep Sun 06-Sep-09 10:06:34

Hi all thanks for replying. Dp is job hunting, but there is very little for an uneducated unskilled person who is only used to factory and shop work. He has applied for the jobs that have been available but as there have been hundreds of applicants fighting for the same jobs he got knocked back. All to often he has signed on and the job centre has said sorry, no jobs to apply today. Even our local paper has nothing, 2 teaching posts and a housing officer application was all there was. Seriously.

He was laid of last year, he had a great job working nights before xmas (temporary, with a view to permanent but he was laid of 2 days before xmas because the firm were making cut backs)

But please don't think because he doesn't work, he sits on his arse and does nothing because he helps loads, does housework, and cares for the kids.

We do have a largish 3 bed council house and 4 girls share 1 bedroom and ds has a tiny box room. If it's a girl then fine, the bedroom will be big enough to accomodates another girl but ds is 10 soon and has adhd and needs his own space if its a boy. We will try the council but we have been turned down before because we are not overcrowded enough, I heard you had to have at least 8 kids before they will rehouse.

We are not on income support and he recieves no money from jobseekers although he signs on because my part time earnings send us over the amount we need to live on. We just get some housing benefit and some council tax ben, my maintenance from my ex and my ds disability allowance.

Life is going into unknown territory.smile

sheepgomeep Sun 06-Sep-09 10:09:02

my dc are 9, 7 and 2. My dsd are 7 and 6

LongStory Mon 21-Sep-09 20:50:59

Hi sheep, I was in such shock with 4, then I found out it was 5 as well. I'm the main earner. Whenever people said congratulations I just felt despair. I know what you mean about unknown territory, I had always been such a control freak and it still feels a bit out of control.

But it's ok, we are coping, having unexpected fun times although I am nervous about going back to work next week (3 long days). The kids are all lovely and good together.

Big hugs, you need them at the moment.

Danthe4th Fri 25-Sep-09 23:27:56

Nows the time to get xmas work, most advertise in the shop, I saw argos were after staff the other day. I think your dh needs to do more than look in the job centre along with everyone else. Get him looking smart and go to all the shops asking if there is work, get in before everyone else. Congrats on number 4, I also have 4 in a tiny 3 bed and am considering number 5 but am nearly too old, so enjoy it while you can.

sheepgomeep Mon 28-Sep-09 15:54:45

We are waiting to hear from one job, he had an interview last week for a shop job but has heard nothing yet. We have done all the going round smart to look for local jobs.. no go but he has put a form in to argos 3 weeks ago but had nothing back.

I am very very down at the moment and morning sickness is causing a lot of how I'm feeling.

morethan2point4 Wed 07-Oct-09 18:22:58

We got that whole 'oh you're not are you?/What were you thinking thing' when we announced number four was on the way...not sure why everyone thinks they can comment on this, but don't let it get to you. We have four boys in a three bed Housing Assoc property. We have moved ourselves in to the box room, which meant re hanging the door so it opens outwards, and theres little space for anything other than the bed and wardrobe, but thats all we need. The boys (10, 6, 5, 3) share two and two, and everything is highly organised into boxes, onto shelves, and on pegs on the back on every door!! Money wise, we 'manage'..couldn't tell you how but we do. Just as every one worried about how we'd cope with four boys under 6, and living in a three bed, and with only one wage, and shift work etc etc. It will work because you will make it work, just like you did when number three came along!Keep us posted..

NorthernNell Fri 09-Oct-09 18:18:26

Don't think of it as unknown territory - life has just got a lot more interesting! I have 4 with very similar age gaps to your DCs, is the girls room big enough to accomodate a cot? Even if new baby is a boy, bedrooms won't be too much ofan issue for a few years and anything could happen in the mean time.

Congratulations, enjoy the ride - it's worth it grin!

sweetkitty Fri 09-Oct-09 21:58:10

How you doing sheepgomeep?

I am 10 weeks with no4, have DDs age 5, 3 1/2 and 15 months.

We have a 3 bed well 2 1/2 bed house right now but am hoping to build and extension next year (with 3 DDs and a new baby eek).

Am sharing your fear

lockets Fri 09-Oct-09 22:01:50

Message withdrawn

KEAWYED Fri 09-Oct-09 22:03:30

I hope to join this thread one day but for now I shall keep being nosey grin

sweetkitty Fri 09-Oct-09 22:05:57

lockets - your age gaps are even smaller than mine, I am going to be calling on you are my personal guru in the next few years grin

BettyTurnip Fri 09-Oct-09 22:14:09

shock sweetkitty

You don't really "know" me but we were posting on threads about finding out the sex of babies when we were both pregnant with our 3rd (I think I had a different name then). You stuck in my mind because you have 3dds all the same ages as my 3 dds. Now you're pg again! Congrats and good luck (my DH has been snipped so no more pregnancy discussions for me).

Good luck to OP as well, nothing further to add but reiterate what other posters have said, you will manage somehow. Maybe when you're in your second trimester and blooming you'll feel a bit more positive smile.

franklymydear Fri 09-Oct-09 22:16:51

2 to 3 is hard

3 to 4 is a breeze you get the buddy system

lockets Fri 09-Oct-09 22:25:18

Message withdrawn

sweetkitty Fri 09-Oct-09 22:26:37

bettyturnip - I am intrigued now 2 DDs are great aren't they grin? we just knew we could squueze one more in

franklymydear - here's hoping

BettyTurnip Fri 09-Oct-09 22:34:43

Yes, dds are great! DH was sneakily hopeful that dd3 would be a boy, for a bit of male solidarity I think, but now we have the three girls it just feels completely right.

I'll be stalking you watching with interest to see what you have this time wink

(Sorry for hijack OP).

sweetkitty Fri 09-Oct-09 22:35:50

betty - DD4 for definite grin

BettyTurnip Fri 09-Oct-09 22:45:12

grin Just think of all the use you'll be getting out of their clothes!

GoppingOtter Fri 09-Oct-09 22:48:28

lovely lovely sheepgomeep it will be good

6 is good!

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