How do you manage the older ones *parenting* the younger ones?

[liahgen]

We have

dd almost 15
ds almost 12
ds 6
dd 4
dd 2

The oldest 2, particularly ds (almost 12) drives me nuts telling the littlies what to do, even when I am there, he's always,

"no, ds2 you can't, shouldn't do xyz"

Yes I appreciate them looking out if I am out of the room/having a sneaky wee etc but when I am there, it really pisses me off.

If we tell a littlie off, or point out, they're straight in there reiterating minutes later.

Aaaggghhhh

How do you all deal with that? Or indeed, do you even have this problem

Is it really a problem, am IBU perhaps?

TIA

[andiem]

I have this problem and I only have 2 children ds1 9 and ds2 2
ds1 is exactly the same I call him the toddler police and I have told him millions of time not to do it as well
I thnk they can't help themselves

[liahgen]

I know but doesn't it drive you bananas?

Guess it's better than them not being interested I suppose.

If it's possible, I think it drives my dh even more nuts.

[ChasingSquirrels]

My ds1 (6y) does it to ds2 (3y). It is about exercising control isn't it.

[allaboutme]

my ds (3y) does it to ds (1y)
it drives me CRAZY but i cant get him to stop

[juuule]

Depends.

It's fine as long as it's done in a reminding, helpful way and not in a superior, bossy way.

[andiem]

liahgen it drives me nuts too I feel so sorry for ds2 he is continually being told what to do

[liahgen]

juuule

It is being done in a superior bossy way

What do I do?

[bumpybecky]

dd1 (11) seems to think she's the Mum and while she can be very very helpful, it does occasionally often drive me nuts! Also dd3 (4) is particular gets naughtier when being ordered around by too many people at once!

I try to use...

'This is not your problem'

'Leave it please'

'Can you sort yourself out first please?'
dd1 has a habit of trying to get shoes and coats onto smaller siblings while she's there barefoot...

or just plain distraction, suggesting that dd1 gets herself a drink now, sorts out cutlery etc (meal times also prime time for bossing about smaller people!)

but often end up yelling

[juuule]

They're 15 and 12, explain to them what you find unreasonable about what they are saying and how they are saying it. If they don't 'get' what your problem with it is, just explain that it is a problem and if they think a younger child is behaving inappropriately then, for the time being, to speak to you about it and you will deal with it (at the same time showing the older child your way of doing things). Eventually it should sink in how to guide a younger child rather than come over all superior with them (at least within your hearing )
I've found that my older children can be really helpful with reminding the younger children what they should or shouldn't be doing.

P.S. When is the oracle turning up?

[lljkk]

I asked DS-9 to take DS-5 to the toilets at adventure playground yesterday. All DS-9 had to do was escort and try to make sure DS-5 wasn't interfered with.

DS-9 had a major strop because DS-5 refused to flush the toilet (it was only a wee). No matter what I told DS-9 ("Yes you may inform me, but is it really worth getting furious about?") DS-9 wouldn't calm down or back down. He was ranting that we had to leave the park, etc.

No solutions, only commiserations. As usual, I find they are more rational / less bossy if well-watered and recently fed.

DS-5 also tries to boss everyone else around, that is even more of a hassle in our family!