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Did you always plan to have a big family?

(18 Posts)
ShabbyAbby Sat 06-Apr-19 13:36:26

I'm due to have my third, but if you'd asked me 10 years ago I'd have said I would never have children, which softened to one (but then I'd be done), then I was sure I would be done after two, and now at 3. Did you always plan to have and want a big family? Or did you change your mind?

Tia x

ShabbyAbby Sat 06-Apr-19 16:01:08

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imip Sat 06-Apr-19 22:53:41

Kinda... I always thought 4 would be great since I was in my early 20s but I thought that was pretty crazy and imagined I’d have 3 (though I had no plans for kids then at all and was actively avoiding pregnancy,). When I was 34 and after infertility for 2 years, as fell pregnant and very sadly my first dd was stillborn. I just thought damnit, I will have 4 and I did. I was very single-minded about it, and lucky that in my late 30s I was able to.

MakeMineADouble81 Sat 06-Apr-19 23:46:38

Nope! I wanted none but had one to keep hubby happy and suddenly wanted all the babies. I have four now but would love more if I was younger and had more money.

ShabbyAbby Sun 07-Apr-19 08:53:11

I'm from a big family myself and never thought I'd have a big brood. I thought I'd appreciate the peace and quiet once I left home but I actually found life quite boring/quiet/empty/meaningless before I had DC1. I feel sad now thinking this may well be the last one for me. I know that, realistically, I've had a terrible pregnancy health wise, Moneys tight, and I'm now an unplanned single parent to boot. I wonder if things were different if I would have had or wanted more though. I know this has to be it for me. Seems crazy how sad that makes me when I said I was done after no1! And before that that I wasn't even sure I would have kids! I wasn't ready for what being a Mum would do to me. They drive me mad sometimes, I'm always stressed and tired, but they literally bring me the most overwhelming joy.

Tsotofamily Sun 07-Apr-19 10:40:43

I always knew I wanted children but never planned on how many, and I did say when I found out I was pregnant with dc2 if it was a boy I would be happy to stop. (Dc1 daughter and dc2 son) but I went on to have 2 more and would have another if given the chance. I love the craziness, the noise and always having someone around.

JumpingFrogs Sun 07-Apr-19 10:57:30

Felt ambivalent about having any children. Had dc1 relatively late and adored her. Had dc2 because I didn't want dc1 to be an only child. Couldn't imagine loving another child as much as my firstborn and felt very anxious about that throughout pregnancy. Needless to say the minute I held dc2 I fell hopelessly in love and was instantly overcome with a wave of broodiness for a third. I literally spent a night in hospital wanting to be pregnant again! Third one was twins!

ShabbyAbby Sun 07-Apr-19 11:43:46

@Tsotofamily

I have literally never heard quiet like it when they are both out. I'm meant to have a rest, or do some housework, get some work done, take a shower in peace or whatever when I get time on my own, but the silence is deafening. I feel like I am suffering empty nest. I must be crazy. I never felt maternal until I was pregnant with DC1, and I never felt broody until now. But I guess it's not bloodiness when you're pregnant? Just excitement?

I'm not convinced though... I've turned into a soppy cooing mess blush

Tsotofamily Mon 08-Apr-19 13:48:10

@ShabbyAbby

I know what you mean about the quietness, the first day my youngest started playgroup i came home and just stared at the blank tv screen. I love the holidays and having them all home

Happyspud Tue 09-Apr-19 13:40:45

I LOVE the quiet! I always wanted 4 and have had 4 but my god, peace and quiet is bliss.

AloneLonelyLoner Tue 09-Apr-19 17:32:25

I have 5. Never planned it that way and if I had my life over I would stop at 1 or 2.

DeadDoorpost Tue 09-Apr-19 17:38:26

I find that anyone who has 4 and thinks that's a lot are a bit mad... but then I'm one of 8 and DH is one of 9... 🙈🙈😂😂

MiL says she didn't plan to have lots. She was diagnosed with PCOS and was told she'd likely never have children. So she's a pretty cool scientific phenomenon according to her Dr. She loved being pregnant as well which I'm sure helped her have 9. And FiL is one of 7 so he's used to being in a large family.

My DM always wanted 6 but didn't in the end. Ended up with 4. DF remarried and so there's the other 4.

ShabbyAbby Wed 10-Apr-19 18:10:08

@DeadDoorpost yes my family is about that big (siblings) and about the same with aunts and uncles (parents siblings). I grew up thinking 3-4 was "normal" but now people say "your having number 3, that's a big brood." 1-2 seems to be much more common now. I know some 3's but only a few 4's one 4+

ShabbyAbby Wed 10-Apr-19 18:10:50

@AloneLonelyLoner

Do you mind me asking why you'd have stopped at 1-2?

AloneLonelyLoner Fri 12-Apr-19 22:52:54

@ShabbyAbby sorry I only just saw this.

I love my kids, but there are so many things I would do differently, not least not having them. I adore them, but I'm exhausted. I had more kids because I was incredibly broody. Logic wasn't even a factor. I have two older sons (young adults, 23 and 19) and they cost us so much money when they were teens. Still do.
I have an excellent job, I earn well over average salary yet I still have no money. I'm poor and that is ok, but I don't spend enough time with my kids because of my work. I feel like I let them down always. Yes, your love is what they need, but they also need parents to be present. They need to be fed and clothed and educated and that stuff is expensive when you have 5. So much to say, but I don't want to sound like an asshole. I love them but I'm not good enough for them. If I'd stuck at two, two would have more. 5 get very little. It makes me sad.

AloneLonelyLoner Fri 12-Apr-19 22:54:23

Just to add, I'm one of six so this also meant my normal was different from many other people's normal.

Namenic Fri 12-Apr-19 23:09:11

DM didn’t want kids but was persuaded to by DF. She became broody after the 1st and went on to have 4 more.

It is fun being in a big family, but stuff is really expensive now so I would probably like 3 (currently have 2).

ShabbyAbby Fri 12-Apr-19 23:56:11

@AloneLonelyLoner

Yes I'm from a big family and I know DM feels spread thinly
Day or night though, thick or thin, she is there. We all know this.
Sometimes I wonder how I will ever be as good a Mum to my kids as she has been and is to my siblings and I

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