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Thinking about a 3rd... But sometimes feel guilty does this change?

(9 Posts)
Hulaballoo Thu 03-Aug-17 00:14:40

Thinking about a third ... Had a mmc in Dec and still want to try but some days I feel guilty looking at my 2nd and think she won't be the baby anymore... Will it affect her badly? (Large ish age gap dd2 is 6, 7 later this year, dd1 is 9) ... Did anyone else feel this before a third or more? Feel so guilty sometimes and not sure if it's something that will pass once baby is born. Dd2 and I have a strong bond and worried it will mess it up?confused

Lulioli Thu 03-Aug-17 00:21:09

I have three. One DS and 2DD s. They all get along well but I do think 3 can be a difficult number. I wanted 4 but sadly things did not work out that way. Only you can know what works for you and your family.

Hulaballoo Thu 03-Aug-17 07:34:55

Before you had 3 did you ever wonder how your youngest would no longer be the youngest and if that seemed ok? Maybe it's just me. 🙂

EverythingNow Thu 03-Aug-17 08:50:54

I feel a bit like that too. I have 3 and just started ttc #4
My youngest is 6 and I have a 7year old and 16year old. They would be at least 7,8,17 before (hopefully) #4 arrives.

I always wanted more, within weeks of dd3s birth I wanted to try for another when she was 2ish, its taken a lot longer to agree to that though. When she started school I'd kind of resolved myself to sticking with our lovely 3. i then had a surprise bfp last spring which ended days later, very very early but left me really upset. We weren't trying but it made me realise my feelings hadn't changed.

I do worry about how the older two will feel, the youngest is actually very nurturing so I think she'll be ok.

EnthusiasticEdna Thu 03-Aug-17 08:58:46

I have a dd 11, a dd 8 and a ds 2. Ds was unplanned and I did fear for dd2 but I needn't have done. Both my dd frequently Thank me for having a baby. They delight in him. I think the first 6 years of feeling very secure as our baby set dd2 up very well. By the way dd1 also has ASD. She absolutely dotes on ds. We are all so glad we're unexpectedly a large family. I do resist calls from dd1 for a fourth though!

Annabelle4 Thu 03-Aug-17 19:25:52

I think that's just another worry we all have when we decide to have 2nd, 3rd, 4th+babies. You'd be a bad mother if you didn't take your older kids into consideration, but don't worry, it won't affect the bond between you.
I have 3 and it really doesn't affect my relationship with any of them as individuals.
Have you brought up the idea of another just to see what their reaction is? I think they're the perfect age to get involved in a pregnancy and excited about a baby smile

Hulaballoo Thu 03-Aug-17 22:16:05

Thank you for Your replies. smileboth my girls would love a younger sibling. My eldest is baby mad... She stops to say hello to babies in the park! My youngest likes them too and has wanted a younger sibling... I think it's just me wondering if I'm going to rock their boat. Enthusiastic Edna you've given me lots of hope and I think it can work, obviously financially things will be right, they always are and it means we can't move to a bigger place but then we'll focus on making where we are our home... I think we'll go for it just need to remember that we'll all have a little bundle to love and grow as a bigger family....

Loopytiles Thu 03-Aug-17 22:19:50

Wanting a younger sibling and liking small DC in general doesn't guarantee they will enjoy it! They will adapt and get on with it and love their sibling, of course, but may find it hard too, especially if the baby curtails their activities, eg after school clubs.

With a 5 year + age gap it's reportedly more like being an only child. My cousin had two older siblings (boys) and she was often lonely.

Hulaballoo Fri 04-Aug-17 00:24:41

I see what you mean, I have a 10 year age gap between me and my sister. I'm the youngest and it did feel lonely at times but my parents were never home..I'm really close to my sister despite the age gap though... Hoping 3rd will be part of everything... Will come to after school activities etc and be involved as much as possible.

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