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How to decide about number 4

(9 Posts)
penguinplease Mon 16-Nov-15 19:22:40

Just looking to get some views really.
Split from long term partner a few years ago and have 3dc who are all lovely now they eat, sleep , walk and talk!

Forward to now, have a partner who I would like a future with but he has no children. He has taken on the ups and downs of mine but would dearly love his own.
He'd be happy to have one, knowing that 4 children will be hard work but I'm a bit worried.
Firstly am I too old (38) , secondly how will my 3 dc feel, youngest is 6, eldest is 13.
Lastly can we afford it? We would have to rent a house for a few years and I'm not sure if I have it in me to leave what was my 'family' home for the uncertainty of renting. There is no way my exh would allow me to stay put with another man and his child.

I love him and dearly want my life with him but is money being tight and going back to the baby stage at my age a good idea and is love enough to conquer all that.
I don't want to waste his time if it's not going to happen, he deserves to be happy and will be a great father.

Not sure what I'm asking really, does it all sound a bit mad?

MazyCrummy Mon 16-Nov-15 20:19:06

I was in a similar position though I had 4 with exH. I'm now 34w pregnant with my 5th DC and my new DH's 1st. I'm 38 too, youngest will be 5.5 when baby arrives, oldest 13.

I'm not sure what you were asking other than is it madness? Honestly, I'm loving it. Good luck whichever way you decide

penguinplease Mon 16-Nov-15 20:21:35

I think my main worry is housing. I will have to leave my home and we will have to rent as we live in a very expensive area and new partner earns very little in comparison to house prices.

I just can't work out if my worries are silly as they are financial and practical but I love him and can see we would be happy and have a great future.

penguinplease Mon 16-Nov-15 20:22:00

Congratulations by the way!
How are your older children about it?

shutupanddance Mon 16-Nov-15 20:23:09

It doesn't sound madness to me. Cab ex really get you out of the family home?

penguinplease Mon 16-Nov-15 20:24:51

Yes as its his house and he has only agreed to let me stay here with the children until the time comes that I want to live with someone else.
Not unreasonable of him at all and equally new partner wouldn't want to live here.

shutupanddance Mon 16-Nov-15 21:16:54

I'd agrue with that penguin, but if your ok with that.

penguinplease Mon 16-Nov-15 21:53:42

I have no choice, it's not my house, he wanted to have it and me move but I wanted to stay so the children had consistency when everything else changed.
He is very generously paying mortgage and maintenance.

LetGoOrBeDragged Mon 16-Nov-15 22:00:57

You might have rights to stay in the home irrespective of the fact that your exh owns it. If it was the family home and you were married then I believe you do have some rights.

Don't think your exh is being generous in paying the mortgage either - it is an asset so of course he will pay the mortgage in order to retain this asset. Also a decent man would want their dc to be housed.

Personally, I wouldn't have a 4th in your position - you don't even live with your new dp and have no idea if things would work out. I think I would like to live together first and see how the relationship panned out.

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