Leaving a big gap and having another in late 30s (no. 5)

[MrsZebra]

Hi
I've got 4DC - Ds1 (5), DTs (4) and DS2 (2). I've had them all close together and have a lot of help from family so although there are bad days, we're happy and love having lots of children.
We would live to have another but not yet. Right now we want to enjoy the ones we have - holidays etc
I'm 35 and thought I'd like to start trying again when my youngest starts school. So if all went to plan I'd be 38/39 when I have no.5.
I just wondered if any of you have left a gap and had another in your late 30s. Is it a crazy idea? How is it going back to the baby days? I know it sounds like forward planning but I'd love to hear anyone else's experiences.
Thanks

[Skygirls]

Wow, you are very brave to go for 5!
I have 3DCs, aged 5, 4 and 5 months.

Going back to nappies wasn't a problem and everything was easier than expected. This is probably because both DS are in school all day.
I did need to make the baby areas safe again and remove any small toys and buy all new weaning spoons/bowls etc.

The hardest thing though is the sleepless nights with bfeeding, and then having to get the others up, breakfasted and ready for school in the morning!

The main thing about having a gap is that your life is getting back to normal and you have some freedom, which totally goes when baby arrives, so adjustment needed, but they're only small for such a short space of time, that for me it is not an issue.

If you have lots of help and support, then that's great and it will make things easier for you. Not sure I would go for it if there wasn't any help though. Good luck.

[Skygirls]

P.S. I had DC3 at 40

[NAR4]

I have 3 older DCs and then after an 11 yr gap had 2 more DCs. I agree with skygirls that the hardest thing is doing night feeds, potty training a toddler and doing the school run. It all comes back really quickly and I never felt it a massive jump back, even after so many years.

Like me though, you might find that 1 more would seem lonely and then want to go for another, giving you a total of 6, although your age gap won't be a big as mine.

It also depends how you find pregnancy. You might find 4 DCs and a horrible pregnancy leave you exhausted or you might sail through pregnancy with no problems. Either way I'm sure you would find a way to manage.

[MrsZebra]

Thanks for your comments. Really appreciate it. Did either of you find that having a baby impacted negatively on your other DCs eg days out, your time etc

[NAR4]

Not at all. My older DCs (all boys) adore the little ones. It does mean that some things such as the cinema or paintballing (a favourite with my DCs) have to be done with just daddy, as the younger ones are too young. My older DCs are 13,15 &17 though so don't often need my DH or me to take them anywhere for the day, more often just drop them off and pick them up. They often choose to come swimming, to soft play or the park with the little ones, as well, which is lovely.

[tallulah]

We had 4 DCs 5.5 years apart. We then had DC5 when our youngest was 15.5.

With hindsight it wasn't a very clever idea. The first 2-3 years were great (and flew by), although we did have to fit in University visits pregnant and with a toddler (not recommended). Finding the money for childcare when you've been living to 2 x FT salaries is not easy, and of course you can't "downsize" when you need a house big enough for a number of adults.

Bit of a shock too when you are used to just going out when you want, and teens getting food ready, and suddenly you are reliant on babysitters again.

Also with such a big gap everything has changed. Weaning/ sleeping positions, you name it everything is different. We thought we knew what we were doing . No wonder grandparents find it hard!

The thing I find hardest though is other parents. For a start most of them are the same age as my children. The other thing is being stuck with them doing "family" stuff.. (and here I'm thinking of the gymnastic class where mummy and daddy have to take younger screaming siblings as well/ 6ft tall daddy stands in front of the CCTV screen/ another mummy sits on the floor with her tea next to her while children are running about)