How can I pursuade him I will be ok

[GrenadierWife]

Ladies
First can I say I envy you for having these wonderful large families.

Let me tell you about my situation. When my wondeful husband and I got married we always said we wanted four children, but in 2007/2008 we had a whirlwind 13 months where I had two babies, 2 house moves and my husband was away, mainly fighting in Afgahnistan for 10 out of the 12 months.

Sadly once it all settled down I suffered a mental breakdown and it has taken me two years of hard work to get myself off medication and to sort my head out.

I am now in a place where I am truly loving being a mum and feel so fufiled and happy.

I am so ready to have a third but my husband is going back to Afgahnistan in 2012 and is terrified of me being ill again. When he returns from Afgahn he will be working away for another year.

I know he wants more children but I think he feels huge guilt about what happened to me, but I am of the belief that two children 13 months apart on your own will be harder than a 5yr and 4yr old and a new baby on your own as the older ones help and the eldest will be at school.

Am I looking at this through rose tinted glasses?

Thanks for your help and advice

[Haribojoe]

After having DS1 I suffered with awful PND and it took me about 2 years to really feel myself again.

Around the time I was feeling myself again I fell pregnant with DS2 and although he was planned and I was thrilled I was also worried about getting ill again.

The reality was I took each day as it came, made sure I was selfish in terms of looking after myself properly and my family were really vigilant in watching out for signs that I was becoming ill again as well as being really supportive.

I had normal teary days in the first couple of weeks but no PND, and DH went away when DS2 was about 3 weeks old and wasn't back for several months.

I have since gone to have DS3 (now 8 months old) and again was fine.

Your situation sounds like it was much more challenging than mine but wanted to post to let you know that it is possible for it to be different next time around.

For me the most important things were putting my needs and those of our family unit first (especially not being swayed by peoples expectations of how we should do things) and promising myself and my husband that I would talk about how I was feeling and seek help if I needed it.

HTH x

[GrenadierWife]

Hi Haribojoe
Thanks so much for your response. I am in a much better place, probably better than even before I had the children and I so want to be able to enjoy the new baby in a way that I was unable to with my first two. I enjoy them so much now I want to experience that with a baby and I just feel that I have so much love to give I want to expand my family

I agree with you about trying to be everything and please everyone, I was guilty of that and both I and my family are very aware of what happened to me and I try and head off any low feelings.

I think I will spend the rest of this year proving to him and me that I am k and I will cope.

A