When I was growing up I was a lonley child. Never allowed to have people for tea/sleep over and our home was like a show house. I remember thinking if I have a family I don't want this life for my children. My husband and I both wanted a big family and were lucky enough to have 4 children. We have an open door policy, sleepovers every weekend and there is always extra food for friends for tea any night. We have a second hand sofa so its not the end of the world if one of the little ones spills something and we don't have expensive furniture and decore as we agreed there was time for that when the children were older. Just now we want the children to feel very comfortable in their own home. We still have rules about respect, tidying toys aways, bedrooms tidy as possible. So thats our life.
A couple of days ago our eldest son had a friend round who brought a friend of his, they stayed for the afternoon. When they were leaving one of my other ds were coming home and our guest who were leaving did not see him. He came in and told me my ds friend said isn't their house messy, oh yes ds friend said its always like that.
Maybe I am over reacting but I feel really upset. I try really hard to stay on top of the house but working full time and all the visitors I suppose does take its toll on the condition of the house. I actually felt like crying, infact tears came into my eyes. My children's friends spend so much time in our home. We don't have a limit on friends round although the numbers normally work out as reasonable but have I got this all wrong??
I prob am over reacting but would really like a virtual hug from Mum's of larger families
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Very upset by young persons comment - need a hug!
slipperandpjsmum · 03/01/2011 09:39
Big hugs. People who live in clean freak houses always think that a welcoming house is messy. Carry on keeping an open house as you do, your kids will love you for it, and they'll be grateful that you give them a chance to be themselves in their own home without worrying about every speck of dust. I came from a dreadfully filthy house, but my friends were always welcome and no-one ever minded that my parents never ever cleaned 
.
I was reading a child from a super tidy house a story the other day, and the only thing she noticed about the picture in the book was the mess in the room 
, not the lovely baby and singing man, she totally missed the point of the picture.
Good for you, your house sounds like great fun x
messy is fine, he obviously enjoys spending time at your house and the children are comfortable having their friends over which is the atmosphere you are trying to create isn't it?
ps I love houses and families like yours
I'm one of three children so not really a large family but as a child, our house was "lived in" as my mum doesn't believe that a sterile house that you could operate in is the be all and end all. She would rather be gardening or doing something that she enjoys, and as long as the house is a bit messy rather than dirty it's not the end of the world.
That didn't stop some of my friends who did live in sterile houses making comments like you heard as it was just so different from what they knew as normal, but I know which of the two options I would feel more comfortable with. 
I always know when my MIL has been round to my freakishly tidy SILs house before she calls here. She will always comment on how my house is a home and she admires how I just go with the flow (I'm not sure its meant as a compliment!)
On Christmas Day she asked me if I had grown up in a tidy house? When I said my Mum was beyond obsessive with housework she asked if thats what had made me the complete opposite! It probably is.
My house is a home - I love having my DCs painting stuck up in the hallway, having my DC's homemade decorations on the Xmas Tree rather than the churned out shop ones that everyone has. My house is clean and welcoming and like your home OP I love to have the DCs friends over often.
My MIL also always comments how DN (SILs son) never has friends over, never gets invited anywhere and the only sleepover he has it at their house.
So my motto is messy floor, dirty dishes, happy kids!
Have huge virtual hugs.
Houses like yours are wonderful. They are welcoming, warm, friendly and fun.
Try not to pay attention to a flippant comment. Maybe your house is a bit messy in comparison to theirs but yours is the house that the friends want to come to, to stay in, eat at and be part of.
Remember that and be proud of what you have achieved - 4 fab DCs whose friends want to be part of your household.
Messy is subjective anyway. My sf used to say I'd made a mess if I left my book and glasses on the coffee table.
Agree with everyone else, yours is the house I aspire to as a Mum :)
As my DC grow up I really want them to feel able to bring friends round whenever - though my lack of cooking skills may impact on that, lol!
I already have started some of this i think by having DS1's friends round here lots, other Mums may tut to themselves (i don't know if they do or not btw) but then they can't bear us all coming round as it involves hours of tidying & cleaning beforehand
I never get it when they say, oh not mine, my house is a mess... well we are talking a bunch of 3/4year olds who are only going to make...a mess! 
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