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Anyone else bored of this?

(13 Posts)
EL8888 Mon 27-Jan-20 04:54:26

I’m bored of medical appointments, peoples well-meaning but mainly stupid comments, wasted money, wasted opportunities (nights out, holidays etc) feeling ill (Clomid and IVF), finding it hard to lose the weight the whole has made me gain (Clomid and IVF), having to think / talk about it all when l have done enough of both to last a lifetime. Oh and the people who go on about trying to conceive for 6 months but not getting anywhere.

We had planned to have stopped at the end of 2019 so l am annoyed it has spilled into this year. We have 3 embryos in the freezer and plan to use them. No that l am convinced there is any point to that but at least it is closer to being over. In more angry / frustrated moments l have said l would prefer to have them destroyed. I have told my partner that l will no way be trying after the end of this year, l am completely done.

I can’t help but think there are better ways to spend my time and receive better likelihood of a return for my efforts

Shev1996 Mon 27-Jan-20 04:59:31

As sad as it is to say, would you not enjoy life more if you just relaxed and values your relationship and life in general? If it does turn out you can’t have children ever you do need something else to live for, I’m hoping that’s your relationship with your partner.

EL8888 Mon 27-Jan-20 05:08:07

I wouldn't say l wasn't relaxed. Unfortunately the whole thing has over shadowed and put a lot of pressure on our relationship. I have plenty of things to live for but they are being over shadowed by the endless appointments, not drinking, counselling sessions etc. Plus l know people love to break out the "just relax" line but there is no proof it helps and it is rather annoying. I'm trying not to be rude but there are certain things not to say to people with fertility issues (it isn't just me who thinks this) the relax line, a random story about their best friends aunties neighbours hairdresser getting pregnant, the adoption question etc.

Shev1996 Mon 27-Jan-20 05:16:29

OP I wasn’t meaning to be condescending, after 15 years of ttc I’ve just realised maybe for some it isn’t meant to be. After a nasty miscarriage resulting in an ambulance trip. But I have had 2 amazing holidays since and my relationship with my partner has done from what I thought was alright to amazing. I guess I’ve accepted it won’t happen. Not to say it won’t for you, I really hope it does

EnglishRain Mon 27-Jan-20 05:22:14

I hear you, OP. What I found really hard about fertility treatment was the whole will it/won't it work thing. It is such a massive thing, like you are at a crossroads and your life could go either way. I totally understand why you've said no more, at least you know where you are and probably where you're headed going forwards from then. I'm terrible with uncertainty, and it's a rollercoaster with absolutely no guarantees. It becomes your life, doesn't it? As yet only one of my friends has had fertility issues, so most of them don't get it. My best friend says the 'just chill out, it'll happen' phrase. I know she means well, but no matter how many times I've explained that it doesn't work like that, she just doesn't get it.

Good luck with your frosties this year.

fireplacetyesecond Mon 27-Jan-20 05:27:20

I hear you too OP.
The depression, jealously, anxiety not to mention weight gain! I am not the same person I was, and I miss being me. I can't get back there. I worry I never will. I want to be n a place where you are and find/look for/accept an end point.
Really struggling.....

I

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Mon 27-Jan-20 07:54:23

I start medication tomorrow for my 4th egg collection and feeling a bit "over" it already - I want to book a holiday but can't until we know if I'll be pregnant this year or not, I'd love a Diet Coke and gallons of coffee but supposed to be doing everything to the letter this time! We said 2019 was the IVF year and now at least half of 2020 will be taken up with it too as in a weak moment I signed up to a 3 cycle package 🤦‍♀️

Crumpets124 Mon 27-Jan-20 08:11:25

Agreed. Two and half years in here. People keep saying well enjoy child free time while you can but it’s not child free time it’s limbo time. No takeaways, no meeting friends for drinks, making excuses to avoid work drinks or only having a 7up for a made up reason, no wine on a Saturday night with my DH. Remembering to take supplements x3 times a day every day. Feeling guilty if I cave and have the odd coffee and most definitely yes to trying to lose the weight gained. I have put on a stone and half and am teetering a few pounds below overweight for my height. Sometimes I get a shock when I see myself in the mirror having had a steady normal weight my whole life! Dealing with the anxiety that got awful during my ZFB on the oestrogen and progesterone (ended up in hospital with heart palpitations!!) It’s very very hard and I’d say this drudgery of life is a big part of why people give up.

EL8888 Mon 27-Jan-20 08:34:28

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted conversely lm thinking of the fuck it and do what l want approach. I did by the letter before and lm unwilling to expand any extra effort or self restraint. I suppose it’s easier for me as l hate coke and coffee

EL8888 Mon 27-Jan-20 08:35:13

@Crumpets124 totally. I have not had any big issues with my weight before but it just won’t shift will it!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Mon 27-Jan-20 08:41:27

@EL8888
I've actually found that despite multiple rounds of IVF now (not sure how many you've had?) the ubquinol supplements actually make me lose weight hurrah! So the two weeks in stims I look and feel like a beached whale and then after that I feel positively supermodel like (slight exaggeration! 🤣) - but I don't down reg - I'm doing natural modified IVF this time so start to finish the whole process is over in about 9 days

My protocol this times includes tamoxifen (usually used to treat breast cancer) and that makes me feel super confused - literally can't remember own name - work is going to be fun for the next couple of weeks 🤣

I've sort of cheated before and still drunk Diet Coke etc but my egg quality is really crap so felt like I needed to do something this time

Youngatheart00 Tue 28-Jan-20 17:37:32

I feel exactly the same. A couple of weeks away from starting cycle #2, a private attempt after our first NHS cycle failed last year. I’m stressed out by the costs, irritated by our clinic making admin errors, frustrated that we have to go through this at all when it all seems so effortless for everyone else. Tbh I’m ready to throw the towel in if this attempt doesn’t work. It’s highly unlikely we can afford another attempt and my AMH isn’t great anyway.

Also a full 5kg heavier than prior to our first IVF cycle 6 months ago and just cannot shift it.

Life sucks sometimes, huh. Ranting on MN helps! Remember you’re not alone flowers

ckc45d10 Wed 29-Jan-20 18:58:58

That is so great to hear about the ubiquinol supplements! For those not sure, forms that are water and fat-soluble will absorb better.

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