Totally miserable

[Celerysam]

I just need a hand hold today. We have just had a second failed ICSI. 4 years trying and an Ectopic pregnancy along the way. I've had two pregnancy announcements this week and I've got my nephews first birthday to attend. I feel like I've been carrying on just about surviving and I'm about to crash and burn with the pain of it.

I'm doing all the healthy eating, yoga, accupuncture, holidays, playing a flipping tree and every other bit if cram people tell you will make you feel better but the truth is I'm scared I will eventually collapse under the weight of my grief.

Tried counselling. Wanted to poke her eyes out.

[mouse1234567]

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like you have had a really tough journey. Do you have to attend the bday party? I think I would struggle to go to that in your position. Thinking of you.

[Marmite83]

So sorry you're having such a tough time. It's so hard when you feel surrounded by pregnancy and babies. All you can do is keep trying. I hope you're feeling more positive soon x

[NRW39]

@Celerysam I feel your pain. Its f-ing awful isn't it!.

I've had 3 rounds of ICSI- 1 pregnancy, which ended in Mc, and 2 failed cycles. I felt like I would die from the weight of my loss, but I didnt!

The 3rd cycle failed recently and I'm just dejected, sad, in shock (we really thought it had worked) exhausted and fed up, not to mention angry.

I need a break. We're self funded, but we're still looking at holidays. I think we could both do with letting loose; me in particular- I've been eating clean for a year, and I've been teetotal for the same amount of time and ive cooled friendships because this is so all consuming. Im gonna undo all of the above and live a little, then crack on with cycle 4.

Me and my bf are in couples ivf counselling and we are finding it really beneficial. Maybe revisit the counselling, maybe ask for someone different...?!

You have to allow yourself to hurt and crash. There's no point in trying to be strong. Your body and mind wont let you.

I tried being strong and went back to work after the mc quite soon. I really pushed myself, against advise (I'm a stubborn cow) and I crashed spectacularly.

If you don't feel like going to the party, don't, but wait until the day to decide: you never know how you may feel...

Your nephew won't remember your absence and I'm sure his parents understand the situaton you're going through?

Us women are strong though. If we can get through one cycle, we can get through anything.

Don't be hard on yourself. It's normal you're only human.

You are stronger than you think. I think us ivf ladies all are.

I wish I had some magic words or advise that I could give you.

All I will say is; look after yourself and allow yourself to be sad for a while. Also talk to someone anyone. It can help massively to talk to someone who isn't emotionally invested.

Lastly, Try again.

Best of luck with everything x

[LillyLeaf]

I totally understand the crash and burn bit. I'm absolutely on the edge right now and waiting for the magnitude of the last 6 months to really hit me. 2 IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, 2 miscarriages in 6 months, I've had no time off work and think it's going to hit me anytime soon. I'm totally wiped out. I'm currently waiting for test results which could make all this 10 times more difficult, I'm not sure how I'll cope. This is incredibly hard, be kind to yourself.