My DH just hit me with the info that he wants to have another go at ICSI. I'm soooo over TTC.
For background. 9 years TTC. 6 MC (that includes 2 x ectopic- one of which ruptured my Fallopian tube) have done ICSI, got pregnant miscarried, then had another go with FET got pregnant... saw heartbeat on 3 scans before miscarrying that one.
I'm now 40. I'm in a place where I've accepted that kids aren't in our future. I'm now even in a place where I'm thinking I don't want to start a family in my 40s . I can see our financially secure , able to retire early, future without kids in a positive way. It's taken a loooong time for me to get to this stage mentally. I've spent nearly 9 years in living life in the soul destroying 2 week cycle of waiting for ovulation and the praying for a BFP. The last few months of not trying has felt like a weight lifted.
We've had looong talks and I thought we were on the same page. Apparently not. The thought of going through it again feels like I've got bricks in my stomach. Plus a lot of emotional eating means that I also now need to lose 4 stone before we could do ICSI again. I'd need to lose that within the next 6 months for us to be able to do it (it's can't just be straight forward ICSI due to genetic issues so there's a age and weight limit on the treatment we need).
But I feel I need to do this for him. But it fills me with dread.
I don't even know why I'm posting. I don't know what I want to hear. I just feel like I need to talk about it. I've got good friends but they've all got kids so can't understand. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I say no I'm a totally selfish cow. To be clear he is putting NO pressure on me. He just wanted to know if how I feel is absolute.
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Not on the same page re giving up TTC
7 replies
elasticfantastic · 05/04/2019 18:59
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