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My Brother and sister in law had baby

(12 Posts)
heresHalloweenagain18 Sun 17-Feb-19 02:27:57

They had the baby yesterday. Obviously i am happy for them. My own brother and sis in law who i love dearly are also due their baby in a couple of weeks.

The end of the month marks the transfer day of my failed ivf last year. Closly followed by my birthday. Then the date i found it treafment failed. Just feeling sad about it all really. But keeping it under wraps.

Not really sure what the point of my post is. Just wanted to get it out there.
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CrazyOldBagLady Sun 17-Feb-19 02:31:45

I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you can still enjoy the excitement of a new member of the family. Are you going to keep trying? At least you know your baby would have a cousin to befriend

Blahdeblahbahhhhh Sun 17-Feb-19 02:41:43

I'm sorry OP. That's really crap timing and situation. Do they know? I met up with my friend and her baby shortly after suffering a(another) miscarriage. I cried continuously and we also laughed too... she and baby were utterly lovely. I will always remember it.

Others did and said things that weren't helpful but I was always glad about being open.

I hope you are met with kindness. xxx

heresHalloweenagain18 Sun 17-Feb-19 15:51:10

Hi Crazyoldbaglady
Thanks for your reply.

Its a tricky one as probably wont get to see the baby really due to breakdown in family relationships. So it will more likly be just seeing pictures or hearing about her. Possibly seeing her at another family members if we happen to visit when they envitably babysit.

We have been ttc nearly 5 years since my only pregnancy ended in miscarriage in 2014. We Got the refferal for ivf a month and a bit after the cuts were made from 3 to 1 cycle in my ccg. Tried the ivf last year which failed and DH has since been adament we are not doing anymore fertility treatment. So are currently ttc naturally again.

The baby i lost was 3 months behind my best friends little girl and a year ahead my
neice on DH side. So would of had a little cousin to befriend and probably in the same school year as best friends girl. We are very close more like sisters and the kids treat us as Aunt and Uncle so it would be more akin to a cousin.

When i found out about both the pregnancys i tried thinking of it in the way we could potentially all be close in age together with babys when i fell pregant keeping positive that i would hopefuly fall soon after.. a year on and its looking less likly now .

Thabks again for talking the time to respond. X

heresHalloweenagain18 Sun 17-Feb-19 16:02:52

Just to be clear the breakdown is due to argument between another family member and brother in law so means they avoid family events and dont come to the familys home they meet somewhere neautral with other family . Its Not due to us and infertility problems
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heresHalloweenagain18 Sun 17-Feb-19 16:50:01

Hi Blahdeblahbahhhhh

Im so sorry to hear of your losses 💐 im glad your friend was lovely and hope meeting the baby was not too hard.

Yes both sets of partys are aware of ivf.

Brother and sis in law on DH side got another family member to phone to tell me about the pregnancy as wanted to be sensitive about it and thought they would deliver the news better. I was touched and did appriciate the gesture but also felt quite awkward and a bit saddend. They would not of done that pre ivf.

My brother and sis in law went through a couple of rounds of ivf to get pregnant and i could not be more happy for them. They have been very sensitive and kind.

Once the baby is born i will officially be the last person in the family and group of friends to not have a child. I cant help but feel a bit by it and left behind.

I am keeping my feelings to myself as they have both been kind in there own ways and i feel guilty expressing any negative feelings.

Thankyou again for your reply x

heresHalloweenagain18 Sun 17-Feb-19 16:53:30

#I cant help feeling a bit saddend by it and left behind i meant to say

PurpleDaisies Sun 17-Feb-19 18:30:18

At least you know your baby would have a cousin to befriend

This is so insensitive. The op doesn’t have a baby. That’s the whole point of her posting here. hmm

Sorry you’re in this situation op, it’s horribly difficult. You need to know it’s totally normal to feel like this and you’re not alone.

Pleaseletitbeme Sun 17-Feb-19 19:21:28

Feel your pain.
Our next door neighbours on our farm are my OH bro and missus. They had a baby at Xmas and I can’t spend any time with them.
I’m just too distressed with my own failure and misery. It causes me less pain just to go quietly about my business away from everyone.

heresHalloweenagain18 Sun 17-Feb-19 20:17:14

Hi Purple thankyou for your reply your always kind and look out for others xx

I have inboxed you as we have chatted before in inbox (admittedly quite some time ago) i was under a different user name at the time. Hope your doing ok xx

heresHalloweenagain18 Sun 17-Feb-19 20:21:12

Pleaseletitbeme
Im sorry your in this position too and so sorry your having such a difficult time. That does sound tough for you, them being so close.

I understand you wanting to do your own thing ,though i imagine it might add to feeling of isolation. then again this journey and situation does have a way of making us feel isolated regardless. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk and i hope my reply was ok 💐

EarlGreyT Sun 17-Feb-19 21:41:51

As someone very wise (I think *@bananafish*) once said, any platitude relating to infertility which starts with “at least” is unlikely to be helpful.

At least you know your baby would have a cousin to befriend
How is this in any way helpful to anyone? The problem isn’t the OPs hypothetical baby’s lack of friends. The issue is that the OP does not have a baby and that if she cannot have children she may need to reconsider and grieve for the entire future she’d hoped for. I can’t understand why anyone would post something so dismissive and glib in response to someone’s distress.

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