Phantom Pregnancy

[CrazylazyJane]

So, have been TTC for years. Now in mid 30s. Got pregnant in early 20s but miscarried at 10 weeks. Then got pregnant on first round of IVF but miscarried again at 10 weeks. FET number 2 and 3 failed. Miraculous natural pregnancy 2 years ago, ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks and ERCP.

Since then we've had a break from IVF and bouyed on by our natural success 2 years ago, we've been back to trying naturally since.

I seem to have expereinced a phantom pregnancy and now feel so deeply embassassed. I had a cycle that lasted 43 days, which is very unusual for me. POS tests were negative but was feeling exhuasted, sick, mild cramping. So much so that I went to the doctors and she agreeded to do a blood test for hcg levels. That too has come back negative. Weirdly, between going to the doctors for a blood test and getting the result, I have started to bleed like I was miscarrying - pain, clots, bright red blood.

So my question is, has anyone else expereinced this?
I feel like I want to concieve so badly that my body is tricking me. How the f**k do I stop this? My GP said not to worry about wasting her time, when she gave me the negative result but I'm scared for my mental health that my mind can fabricate all this.
I think my DH and my mum think I'm absolutely nuts. They were sympathetic when they thought I was having an actual miscarriage but now they probably think that I made it all up, which I genuinely didn't. I fel so utterly out of control of my own body.

[Persipan]

You are not nuts. Your body - of which your mind is also a part - has been through such a huge series of events, all of them like great big bombs of hormones, that of course it's had an impact. You aren't making things up, you're being swept along on a current of events that must have felt utterly overwhelming. I'm so sorry. How very, very hard all this must be. And to have people then not believe you must be even harder.

Would some counselling be an option? It sounds as though having a space to talk things through would be really helpful for you.

Do look after yourself, and be kind to yourself. Hugs and best wishes.

[CrazylazyJane]

Thank you. Your kind words have made me cry again. I went to my GP after my last miscarriage and asked for counselling. She told me that there was a 16 week wait for NHS help. In the end I begun to get better and practised yoga, which really has helped up until this latest event.

This time around and after your advice, I have bitten the bullet and booked an appointment with a private counsellor. I'm going to meet with her tomorrow afternoon.
Thank you for being there for me x

[couldbeanywhere]

Bless you OP
No one could categorically tell you what caused this. It may just be one of those odd things that happen with terrible, coincidental timing.

I’m sorry you’ve been struggling so much with conceiving. It seems so unfair that you have been through so many losses.

Definitely don’t hide what you’re going through- talk to your husband and loved ones. They won’t think your mad, they’ll be worried about you! Counselling sounds like a good thing for you. Anyone else would need it too.