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Coping with pregnancy envy

(24 Posts)
Elmtree53 Mon 12-Nov-18 17:37:56

How do you cope with fertility envy.
I don’t know for sure whether I’m infertile or not but between endometriosis and no regular ovulation and a niggling feel that I just know I am I’m currently really struggling everytime I so much as see a bump. This is now made worse as my sister is pregnant for a second time...because the “pull out method had never failed for her before” angry she already has my niece who is 3 but takes no interest in her whatsoever and does no parenting just shoved her in front of the tv and makes the father give her ready meals every night as well as not having the space for a new baby and being up to her eyeballs in debt.
I shouldn’t be judgemental but she has had 7 abortions before this one because she doesn’t want to use contraception as it makes her “gain weight” all I want is a baby and it makes me so sad to see people who don’t even care being able to have them.
Just to add I have nothing against abortion but don’t think it should be used as birth control

Bananacloud Mon 12-Nov-18 19:33:40

Your sister sounds horribly selfish and stupid. Unfortunately, these people can reproduce as well.

Bananacloud Mon 12-Nov-18 19:34:40

Basically, what I’m saying is, life’s a bitch! And I hope you get your bfp soon xx

Elmtree53 Mon 12-Nov-18 23:32:47

Unfortunately my sister is horrible and selfish and the only reason I’m still involved is to see that niece learns the things she needs and any emotional support she may need later on. Life is a bitch and it always seems that the worst of people fall on their feet, I think I just needed a rant. thanks I hope so too got everything crossed

ClaryFray Tue 13-Nov-18 19:07:12

It awful.

The people who would be genuinely good parents, struggle. While those who don't appeiacte what they have keep poping them out. wine

Maybe2019 Mon 03-Dec-18 01:41:07

Hi all,

Know the feeling too well. In the 5 years we've been TTC I've seen 9 babies being born of close friends and family. Currently an additional 2 are due soon, 1 in a few weeks and the other in couple months. It's soul crushing, especially as most had a straight forward conception, some didn't even plan for it and a couple were annoyed they fell pregnant soon after the birth of their first child...! The only person I feel empathy for is my friend who has struggled with infertility suffering 4 mc and recently gave birth to her little boy.

It's hard to deal with and being the only one that is childless in your circle... sad

squirrelnutkins1 Mon 03-Dec-18 19:18:04

Same 😢

Fizzy13 Tue 04-Dec-18 11:52:26

Completely understand. 18 months of seeing everyone get pregnant and dealing with the constant "so when are you having #2?"
The only one I managed not to be totally jealous of was a work colleague because I'm now doing her maternity cover!

squirrelnutkins1 Tue 04-Dec-18 12:55:43

Wow just re read first OP. Your sis sounds awful! Well done for being the bigger person and being involved with your niece. She'll appreciate you when she's older.

Cherries101 Tue 04-Dec-18 13:04:05

This is just yet more proof that having kids isn’t some kind of divine purpose. Some women are able to pop out kids (even murderers and pedophiles) while some women can’t. Just keep focussing on you. Are you going through IVF?

Ruthyroo81 Wed 05-Dec-18 20:18:58

@Elmtree53 your sister sounds awful, I imagine it's the hardest thing to watch your sister take for granted the thing you most want.
I've struggled with infertility for 7 years now and a few weeks ago my best friend who was the last of my circle and only been married 12 months announced her pregnancy. To say I was gutted was an understatement. Although she's understanding of what I've been through I know she's ecstatic at the news and trying to hide it from me.
Stay strong and focus on yourself!
We've all got each other at least xx

Maybe2019 Wed 05-Dec-18 21:31:06

@cherries101 I am currently looking into having IVF next year, hopefully overseas. I don't think I have long left. I was told my AMH is 2.7 in July and the fertility specialist said I had low ovarian reserve which I had no idea about. I can't believe my AMH dropped from 11.5 to 2.7 in 3 years! I didn't really think much about how much time we had left because our issue was male fertility factor of low motility. I am trying very hard not to stress but the prospect of not being able to conceive due to low ovarian reserve scares the hell out of me.... sad

squirrelnutkins1 Wed 05-Dec-18 22:54:47

I keep trying to remind myself that it just takes one egg... helps for about 5 seconds x

Maybe2019 Wed 05-Dec-18 23:56:28

@squirrelnutskins1 Been telling myself the same thing! We have to stay positive... Not being able to conceive has made me develop anxiety... I suffer from depression already, coupled with anxiety has been very very difficult. I still try to be optimistic and hope for the best. Not much else I can do hmm

squirrelnutkins1 Thu 06-Dec-18 08:03:15

It's so hard to cope with isn't it. I've become really snappy with OH and very emotional. It feels like it impacts every part of our life. I had to put my big girl pants on and go meet my friends 'surprise' baby (number 3) last week. I'm thrilled for her but at the same time feel so sorry for myself 💔
How come you're going overseas for ivf, if you don't mind me asking? @Maybe2019

Maybe2019 Thu 06-Dec-18 13:46:01

@squirrelnutkins1 I've done the same thing to hubby. I know deep down I felt some resentment towards him for having low motility (I know it's not his fault) especially as it kept coming up as the cause of our infertility. I've had doctors telling me "you'll never conceive naturally" which is such a horrible thing to tell someone... Obviously now with the LOR, I feel I am just as much to blame for us not having a baby sad

I noticed it would always hit me hard a day or 2 after visiting friends who have just given birth. I would literally spend the next few days crying uncontrollably and would dip into an even lower mood. Like you, I am really happy for them, I just find myself questioning why isn't it happening for me.

We chose overseas as I hated my IVF experience here in London and thought it will be less stressful being away from home. We'll get to have a holiday at the same time. Initially the plan was to go in August/September this year but I had to have a Laparoscopy which pushed things back. Another factor was cost. I may need to have more than 1 IVF treatment, it's much cheaper overseas than the UK.

squirrelnutkins1 Sat 08-Dec-18 12:16:31

All the best with it. Keep us posted 😘

Maybe2019 Sun 09-Dec-18 10:50:23

@squirrelnutkins1 We're due to see Serum in January for a consultation and a scan. I am so nervous. I don't know what to expect and so anxious what the findings will be confused

ClaryFray Mon 10-Dec-18 18:25:16

Which countries do people go for IVF?

Spanglyprincess1 Mon 10-Dec-18 18:30:40

I'm sorry your struggling op but people get pregnant and it would be sad if everyone had fertility issues.
My sister was horrible to me when I was pregnant, she was struggling but so was I.
I would hope that your sister would be very happy for you if you.concive and it's good for your neice for yputo being her life - so focus on that.
Good luck on your journey X

squirrelnutkins1 Tue 11-Dec-18 13:35:56

@Maybe2019 I meant to say as well, it's the initial announcement that hits me the hardest, I don't know why. I then have a few days of being super low and sad. Then I try and be a good friend showing interest and remembering scan dates etc etc. It's so hard 🥺😔 xx

Maybe2019 Sat 15-Dec-18 00:18:05

@squirrelnutkins1 The announcement is the most gut wreching feeling... That is the most hardest thing for me. Hearing everyone else experiencing the one thing I ever wanted and dreamed about in my life. So hard sad

Unicornandbows Sat 15-Dec-18 00:33:16

I have close family members and few friends who are having trouble conceiving and when i found out I was pregnant one part of me was in shock another was oh shit how would they take it. Its horrible being on the other side too and seeing people you love hurt and i try and hide and not talk about the pregnancy and be mindful. Its awkward and makes you feel guilty. I hope you get your BFP soon xx

2fingers22018 Thu 27-Dec-18 15:23:02

@Maybe2019 i know its hard but try and not go down the route of blame and resentment..im on the other side of the fence my OHs SA came back normal so theyr checkin to c if i have blocked tubes nxt, and let me tell u the guilt i feel is terrible i feel like im ruinin my OHs chance of happiness ur OH prob feels the same. Its soo hard not to think what ifs tho x

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