Im sorry if I do this all wrong and post in the wrong place and don't use the correct shorthand text. Please can someone help. I am slipping. After 5 years of ttc I was finally put forward for my first and only cycle of ivf on the NHS. Miraculously I became pregnant only to lose the baby through a silent miscarriage. This led to surgery followed by complications and then emergency surgery. I took this very badly both physically and emotionally. That was over a year ago and I have had counselling since but nothing can take away the emptyness of losing my baby and fear I feel of trying again. Some people don't even acknowledge that I did lose my child, seeing a miscarriage as something not that bad and measured in weeks-some weeks worse than others. Medically there is no certain reason for our inability although we have been told that our chances of getting pregnant naturally are like winning the lottery. I find the whole ivf process horrendous and (not including the horrible medications and injections) all about money and business. Before starting ivf I left a career where I was doing well and was in a senior position but was very stressful. I thought if I had a less stressful job maybe that would help with a pregnancy. So I completely left my profession to retrain. Now I am at the bottom of the work ladder in a new career where my boss /team are not that nice to me or each other. Since the ivf my hormones have never got back to normal. I have multiple false pregnancies due to late periods and crazy hormone changes, only to each month break my heart that this was not the one even though I knew it was not anyway. Family want me to try again but don't understand my fear of what happened as well as how do I arrange this with work when they are so unpleasant. I don't want to say where I am going but can't just book days off due to the nature of the job. I feel so sad and lost. All of the people I love and know have their own children and i spent my life working with children because this is my passion but I can't become a parent. I have thought about adoption but my husband is not keen. Please help me
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