Secondary infertility/stopping trying for another

[UnaOfStormhold]

After 2 years of unexplained primary infertility we were lucky enough to have a natural bfp resulting in a gorgeous 3yo. We started trying again a year later - earlier than we would have done without fertility/age worries as still exhausted from lack of sleep. 2.5 years after that, I'm 41, we're still pretty exhausted and we need to decide whether to try IVF or not.

Right now I feel very pessimistic about chances of IVF success - feels like it would be an expensive and uncomfortable way of setting ourselves up for more heartbreak. So maybe we should just be happy to have one wonderful child. But can we live with not having given ourselves every chance of having another child?

Would love to hear from others who are and have been in this position. I'm struggling to know what to do.

[CountryCob]

Hello, we tried for about 5 years before naturally getting pregnant with a little girl who is now 2.5, I am 37 and 38 in a few months, we never stopped trying for another and nothing happening so have gone for ivf. Also my father died suddenly over a year ago and so we have some money, it is really expensive. I was also worried about the heartache, we have a deal for a couple of rounds of treatment which many clinics offer. If you get pregnant the first time you pay a bit more but would be happy anyway. If this doesn't work not sure would go for lots of rounds. Know what you mean about being tired and I would add just getting a bit of life and own body back. I suppose we are giving it a try and hoping for the best, so far have responded well to treatment and egg collection is on Monday. If you did decide to ivf are there any ways you could make your life easier? Some time off or help round house? Know it all costs money but important to look after yourself. I can also see how a family with one is a lovely thing too, best of luck with whatever you decide

[UnaOfStormhold]

Country, sorry you're in a similar place. Know what you mean about getting my body back! I feel like we are finally starting to see the light at the end of the dependent stage (out of nappies, dressing himself etc) and I'm not sure I can face going back to the beginning again! The thought of another bad sleeper is terrifying. And yet I would love for him to have a sibling...

Good luck with your IVF - have you started the process yet?

[CountryCob]

I know what you mean it is scary, yes we are quite far along with the ivf, had most of the hormone treatment and getting eggs collected next week so are around a fortnight away from knowing if it has worked to produce a pregnancy...

[UnaOfStormhold]

Fingers crossed for you!

[rainylake]

Hi Una, your post really resonated with me. I also had 2 years of trying before a natural conception (now have a 3 yo dd). Started trying again pretty much as soon as my periods came back (about 10 months after having her), but no luck so far.

In our case, the only issue that investigations have thrown up seems to be low sperm motility (but even this isn't really clear as when we saw a consultant before I got pregnant the first time round, he said at the time that dh's density was v. good and so the reduced motility shouldn't be a big deal - whereas this time round they're saying that if we go down the assisted fertility route we should do ICSI, which suggests that this doctor thinks it is more of a problem than the last one).

I think we're going to try IVF. It's been hard getting to this stage, because if you've had a successful natural pregnancy once you keep on hoping that if you just give it one more month then it will happen. And now part of me is kicking myself for not just doing it 6 months ago and another part is still hoping that I'll get a bfp next time.

I'm hoping that trying IVF will help give me a sense of closure whatever the outcome, and that I won't then look back in 5 years time and think 'if only I'd given it a go'. What I'm worried about is that it might make it harder compared to just gradually becoming reconciled to not having another child. But I think that for us it would be good at least to have one shot. I am also trying to think of the positives of only having one child.

[UnaOfStormhold]

Rainy I know what you mean about "one more month" - part of me worries that I'm still hanging onto that hope and six months or a year down the line I'll wish we'd tried IVF now. But I just don't think I have it in me right now - perhaps I've read too many stories of stress and disappointment, perhaps it's just the sleep deprivation talking. I wish you all the best with the IVF if you decide to go ahead - there are obviously success stories too and I hope yours is one.