Fed up and emotional

[bridgetjones1]

Anyone else in between cycles and just feel fed up with the world? I am soooooooooo fed up and just not feeling any motivation for life - I'm definitely NOT suicidal, what I mean is not feeling any motivation for a meaningful, active, fulfilled life outside of infertility.

We're saving hard for our fourth (and final) IVF in the new year. I'm drinking too much gin but don't really care at the moment. My diet doesn't reflect the ideal "It Starts With The Egg" regime but again I don't really care at the moment.

I feel quite emotional at the moment, my boss snapped at me today, very unlike him and I went away and had a little cry lol. To be honest anything could set me off crying at the moment. I feel fed up most of the time. I feel angry quite a lot too. Angry that most people don't have to weigh up the cost of IVF with the cost of a new kitchen (one that's falling to pieces). Or be faced with £15k worth of debt that we'll be paying off for a long time to come with maybe nothing to show for it.

I know that things could be much worse, physically myself and DH are fit and healthy therefore infertility is not the worst thing but everything is relative I suppose. Just having a bad day.

xx

[Weedance]

Sorry to hear you are having a rubbish time and feeling shite. Infertility is a complete drain on all resources - financial, emotional, physical, you name it. Certainly in an emotional sense, it has to be one of the most difficult things a person can face. Be kind to yourself.

I wish I could say something that could magically make all of this seem much easier but sadly I can’t. All I can say is that I know where you are coming from, you are doing the best you can in really difficult circumstances and are a legend for getting through it. I’m facing my 5th medicated cycle and it’s going to be my last. I’m done after this, can’t put my body through it anymore. I’m not even sure why I’m doing this round, so convinced am I that it’s not going to work! Argh. I know I should be positive but it’s so bloody hard! My acupuncturist told me that you don’t have to feel positive for ivf to work. I hope that’s true!

Anyroad. You are not alone. We can do this. for you and have a gin for me . I’m cycling this week so can’t, but trust me, I’d be joining you if I could! X

[WhatWot]

You are not alone. We just had a BFN, 3rd cycle, only 1 embryo, no frozen one at all. I want to cry and scream as well so you are not alone. We are also saving for the 4th cycle in the new year and it is stressful. I don't know what else to say because I don't know the answer myself, but I wish you the best. PM me if you want someone to talk to.

[meadowlark3]

Hi Bridget, sorry you're feeling this way, it's absolute rubbish.

I find I'm sometimes up and sometimes down, lately been feeling alright with where we are (waiting for next cycle, feels a relief to have a break from stims and dildocams and worries) but the next day I'm gutted. It's a rollercoaster. I can't imagine that the It Starts With the Egg diet and other recommendations are all that important or reliable. Whilst it's lovely to feel somewhat proactive during cycles, I also reckon that clinics would tell us to follow the recommendations more closely if there were more proof they worked. I reckon it's good to let go for a bit, have some gin, cry and scream all you want. Infertility is absolutely horrendous and I'm sorry anyone has to go through it.

Holding your hand and sending you for such a shite day.

[Daisy1980a]

Hello BridgetJones1.
Sorry to hear you are having such a rubbish time. Infertility is really all-consuming. It's only just been over a year of TTC for me but I am at the stage now of being barely able to concentrating on work, bursting into tears in the street and wanting to avoid friends who are pregnant or with babies. As well as the emotional and financial toll, I have found the strain it has taken on my relationship hard to take. Look after yourself, have the odd gin. We are too hard on ourselves. Thinking of you xx

[Graceflorrick]

OP, failed IVF is such an awful experience. It’s the loss of hope and dreams. I only had one round (which was unsuccessful), and I’ve given up. I can’t do that again. Sending you lots of positive thoughts for your next try

[bridgetjones1]

Hello everyone

Thank you for taking the time to respond it really does mean a lot.

I'm so sorry to those of you who are also going through this horrendous time, just know that you are not alone, not really helpful in the grand scheme of things I know xxx

Infertility really does suck, I find that sometimes I'm a slave to it. Every decision we make, somehow IVF comes into the equation. We look at booking a holiday, but then realise that's a month after our next round of IVF is due to begin, should we still book it? Should we change the date? There's always that hope that you'll get a BFP.

I went to see my chiropractor yesterday and she was super enthusiastic and said YES! This fourth round is going to work I just know it When I said that I wasn't quite as positive she berated me. I have to say I kind of wiped the floor with her and just said when you're looking at your 4th, 5th + attempt, being sure its going to work is like being a sado masochist! You can't keep that up. I feel that we'll do everything we can to make our 4th round work but I also feel that the odds are stacked against us due to my very poor egg quality (I'm only 37 but have been advised to consider Egg Donor).

I've just listened to a lovely couple of the Jeremy Vine show who have had 6 rounds of IVF and have had to admit defeat that they will ever had biological children, then that bloody idiot Jeremy Vine says well you could always have that miracle baby, that happens doesn't it!

Is there really anything more annoying that someone with oodles of children just telling you to relax, it will happen, or my friends, dogs owners auntie drank these smelly herbs and she got pregnant straight away. Its so tiring.....

My Sister In Law said to me after our 2nd failed IVF that her friend had struggled to get pregnant for 4 months, then gave up smoking and eating kebabs and it just happened, just like that I just smiled and nodded lol

[WhatWot]

giving up smoking and kebab!

Everything you wrote I can relate. And it is annoying indeed when people mention there is still hope, all well intention but they have no clue. Another annoying one is you can always adopt! It is a noble thing but can't people understand its not for everybody and its a very personal choice?

[Isthismummy]

I've never smoked and I'm a vegetarian. Guess what? My ovaries STILL don't work properly. Shocker!

The don't lose hope brigade always make me want to lose all hope I have one friend who is simply positive Ill get that miracle sticky bean if I just keep trying. All this despite me explaining to her I have POF and my only ever pregnancy ended in mc at five weeks.

I just have to tell myself that people do mean well whilst mentally punching them in the face. It's the only way through sometimes.