Hi all, was all pysched up to start IVF in a few weeks (it's taken a lot of looking after my mental health to feel ready!) Had our consultation today and l need a hysteroscopy (think that is the right name!) as l have a fibroid protruding into my womb. I can begin IVF this month but they would freeze any embryos and wait until after the op to put them back in a natural cycle.
This means a wait of at least 2-3 months on the NHS for the procedure. I burst into tears at the fertility clinic as l just cant believe there's more waiting to do. I so wanted to get on with IVF properly right away.
It has struck me along this journey that l cope badly with unexpected setbacks and the waiting takes such a toll on my mental health. I feel like I'm wishing my life away all the time. I can't be the only one and l wondered how you deal with it? We have just been on holiday so that's not an option to fill in time 
Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.
Infertility
Setbacks and waiting...how do you cope?
ohbigdaddio · 05/09/2017 17:24
Sorry you're now having to wait 
you are definitely not alone in feeling like you're wishing your life away. My DH and I tend to use events as markers, e.g. In January we were invited to a wedding in a November. We were saying at the time that I'd definitely be pregnant by then. We'll do another IVF cycle in the new year so now I'm just wishing away the rest of 2017.
I genuinely don't know how we 'cope', it just kind of happens, doesn't it? I have wondered this myself. I think ultimately I find it easier to just try to forget about setbacks and failures. Easier said than done but I find that burying my head in the sand is the only thing that works for me.
Every year which passes is worse, obviously. We're all very aware of time in this situation, aren't we? One thing I do now (and I really stick to this rule) is that I don't spend time with people who don't make me feel good or don't "get it". Of course that means that I don't see a lot of people but the people I do see bring me my only happiness in life and really lighten the load for DH and I. Hang on in there, I hope time passes quickly for you.
Sorry for lengthy post .
I'm trying to be flexible with my definition of coping... Some days I think I'm coping because I was productive at work, maybe laughed with colleagues. Some days coping is just the fact that I managed to get out of bed, dress myself and get to work. Sometimes coping is keeping myself fed and watered between crying spells in bed.
Every day you're coping, and you'll carry on coping even when you're sick of it and worry you can't do it anymore. It might look different each day but you will cope. My colleague who is going through something similar though not IVF says the key is to keep going forward. Keep plodding.
When I have the energy to try to be positive we also try to chunk the time, big events like pp have said or something smaller eg. GOT starting or now Strictly.
But there's a lot of just 'existing' if I'm honest and I find myself wishing life away too. Another shitty shitty side effect of this horrible bloody situation.
As for setbacks, I don't handle those 'well' either. My first cycle was cancelled at baseline and I sobbed for days. But I'm currently stimming and nervously taking it scan by scan. I can't bear to imagine having to deal with another set back now... but, if it happens, I'll wake up each day, eat, drink and hug my dog and sometimes that is enough.
I'm so sorry you're suffering too
In a similar situation here. Was all set to go ahead with FET later this month, but they found a polyp on the scan today which means putting everything back till that can be sorted. I know it's not a major issue in the grand scheme of things, but this is our 5th go (1st & only frozen) and I was feeling so positive this morning, but now I just fell like no matter what we do there is always an issue and was on the pint of abandoning the whole cycle when they told me (I'm blaming the drugs for my drama llama tendencies at the moment 
)
Sorry you've had to wait, OP If I'm honest, sometimes I don't cope and just feel sad, others I feel more optimistic. I've also shifted from the first months of romanticising the TTC process to feeling completely distraught to now feeling a bit more neutral.
I suppose I've also sort of accepted that not having a biological child is a possibility. A terrible, painful, awful one that I certainly haven't "embraced" but I'm at least acknowledging it. I try not to give that idea too much weight as it feels too pessimistic, but the possibility of embracing hope and imagining a baby is also too frightening for me at this point. I've also found that chatting here is helpful in not feeling so alone, and chatting with a couple of friends IRL who are great support.
As NoImBridgetJones said, this process happens one day at at time and there are loads of setbacks and humps along the way. (That seems more the norm in fact!) It's bloody awful to have the goalposts moving all the time, as it feels we're putting life on hold but the ultimate goal of having a baby is so, so worth it to me. I've tried picking up a hobby or two but ultimately my brain is too distracted with thoughts of IVF, fertility, etc.
Ohbigdaddio thank you
Meadowlark, I just want to say that you've captured this experience so well and have said everything that I feel. One of the biggest challenges for me is wanting people to understand how deeply painful this is. I'm very much someone who is 'half full' and 'happy go lucky' (sounds big headed written down, I know) and I never feel able to be truly honest because I can't actually find the words to convey how I really feel. You have done that in your post. Genuinely had a little cry reading that and I am as hard as nails these days. for you all,
OP I was told I had to have a hysterscopy before IVF. As soon as I was referred for IVF, I was put down for a hysterscopy while I waited for IVF which was approx 3 months. Got my hysterscopy within 2 month and it was all clear for when my top of the waiting list appointment came.
Couldn't your clinic have done that? Seems like they've wasted time.
Sorry you've had to wait, It's a killer
@TipsNotHacks: Doesn't sound big headed at all (at least for me as I think I might be a similar sort of person) so glad I could share some thoughts and feelings that resonate with you. Infertility is absolute shite but I do feel fortunate to have such kind ladies here for support
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.