How do you cope when your friends/colleagues/other people have babies?

[Loopy01]

Last week I saw my colleague with her 2 month old baby at a social gathering. It is breaking my heart that so many couples are having babies and we have just had a misscarriage. It feels so unfair. Especially when colleagues ask "are you feeling broody yet?".

How do you cope?

[Chattycat78]

It is unfair. It's awful and it can turn you into someone you don't recognise. You're not alone. I'm not there now, but I remember it well.

You've done well just being around a baby tbh. A woman came into our office with her newborn just after I'd had a MC. I had to leave the building.

[broodynmoody]

I don't. I just smile and not say anything. If anyone asks about me being broody, I just say Oh no not yet, id rather have a dog it breaks my heart and angers me so much..but best poker face

[JoJoSM2]

I'm not too bad. I do find the questions a bit awkward and tend to answer that we might have a baby in the future/we'll see. One of my best friends announced today that she was pregnant and my immediate (honest) reaction was 'I'm so jealous!' We ended up having a laugh about it. I felt very excited for her and we ended up talking about pregnancies and babies for the next two hours. It does get me down that I can't get pregnant but I do genuinely feel happy/excited for others.

[physicskate]

My SIL gave birth yesterday and I lost it. She 'accidentally' got pregnant with her third three weeks after my first chemical. I had my second chemical about 6 weeks ago. I hate that I can't be happy for her and that I resent her baby... I hate who ttc has turned me into. Dh and I are ttc our first...

Dh recommended counselling but I have no idea how to find a good one.

And we've only been ttc for 13 months... cycle 12 (I have longish cycles which I also hugely resent right now).

I feel like a failure, even though I know I'm not. My head is rational but my heart is not...

[EmilieR91]

My best friend is about 24 weeks. I've been an awful unsupportive friend. I've seen her once and that was the day she came to tell me she was expecting. My daughter (and biggest blessing) has Spina Bifida and we had a missed mc last year. So both pregnancies so mentally difficult for us and caring for my daughter is still difficult now. I just can't be happy for people who breeze through conception, pregnancy and have healthy babies at the end without a care in the world. Life is so unfair. I wish I could find a way to stop being so bitter.

[cluelessnewmum]

Emilie you haven't been an awful unsupportive friend, you're coping with a situation that would test everyone. My friend has a beautiful ds with spina bifida and he couldn't be more loved, but it is obviously very challenging.

I agree people with no fertility issues and children with no disabilities can really take it for granted and it's difficult to tolerate sometimes when people say insensitive things. I don't take my dc's health for granted as I have a severely autistic sister, which is heritable so I fully accept we could have a child with this condition.

Don't feel bad, it's not your job to be a good friend, a good friend would understand what you're going through even if they don't know about your mc.

To answer the op question, you just have to smile and say congratulations but allow yourself to be upset after. I avoid seeing friends who constantly ask me when I'm having dc2, I tolerate being asked once but those that bring it up everytime I see them have been dropped. I have asked dh not to tell me about ppl who are pregnant unless it would be weird for me to not know.

I only have one pregnant friend at the moment who luckily does not go on about it. When I see her I ask her about her pregnancy right at the end of the meet up 'oh sorry I'd forgotten you were pregnant you look so slim blah blah' then I know it's not going to dominate the meet up.

But I'm lucky it's not a family member or someone I can't avoid.

[EllaElla]

When we were first TTC I totally felt like this. In answer to your question 'how do you cope' It has taken me a long time to get here, but I now fully realise that our situation has nothing to do with anyone else's. It's a process to get there, but you'll find eventually that comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. And people say some ignorant things along the way. Start by realising that they have challenges you will never know about, same as you have challenges you grin and bear that they won't know about. Blessings to you. It's a journey.