When to start IVF...??

[TheLongRains]

A little background: After ttc for far too long (and assuming we were just unlucky) we had the usual tests done and whilst I'm (fortunate to be) a textbook fertile person (can set my watch by my cycles), my husband has a very low sperm count, and the few that are there are not going to the Olympics for their form and speed... So we were eligible for IVF/ ICSI on the NHS.

However we were due to be moving house/city/jobs in the near future so we decided to wait on starting it for a while, so we could stick with one clinic etc. Fast forward and before we began the IVF process, I, somewhat incredibly, got pregnant.

Now is the dilemma. We would love to have a second baby, but we know the reality of our situation and my husband's sperm count etc. However he is very much "well it happened once so it'll happen again", whereas I'm far more conscious of how unlikely it is (less than 1% chance is what one specialist said) (though would love it if it did happen again!), and my age (not super old, but I would probably give myself another 3-4 years before I'd start feeling I was at my personal upper limit).

We'd love another 2 (or even three!) in a dream world, and I feel like embracing IVF increases our chances within that time frame.

Obviously I'm happy to try naturally for a while to see what happens, but I remember all too clearly how heartbreaking I find every failed month. If I knew that the hope of IVF (although also not a guarantee, I do accept that) was X number of months away, I'd feel more hopeful overall.

Does that make sense?!

So how many months would you say is a sensible amount of time to ttc naturally in this situation? I really don't want to keep trying for another 3 years or so, and then be "too old" to face the IVF process...

What can I pitch to my husband, as a realistic compromise? He's not totally anti IVF, he's just overly optimistic ;)

[Northernlurker]

You won't be entitled to ivf on the NHS now you have a child and it is in any case a hugely invasive and uncertain process. I would give yourselves two years trying 'naturally' if you can bear to contemplate a future with just one child. A year if you can't.

[TheLongRains]

Thank you :) yes, sorry, I should have been clearer. I realise we're now not eligible for NHS treatment, so I know we'd be going private. And I fully realise it wouldn't be a doddle, but invasive and uncertain are things I'm willing to face, as I'm sure is the case for many others facing IVF. I think, for me at least, the possible chance of a baby outweighs the negatives.

Your answers make sense and are very probably sensible :) I could certainly live with a future with our one child, as I know thousands of people would do anything to be where I am now, and I'm hugely thankful for her, but if I were able to dream, I'd have three or four... Which I know is rather unrealistic :)

Maybe we should attempt a year and then review it and see. I just feel like, after almost four years ttc, it's another year I'll be "wasting", given our medical starting point. Though we did get very lucky at the end of those four years, so there's always the chance we'll get lucky again, maybe even sooner... :)

[Ooogetyooo]

Yes but you are older now and are getting older all the time. At some point your fertility will decrease and couple that with husbands known fertility issues, you know it means it will be more unlikely. I wouldn't wait. Start your Ivf soon as you can. Don't be left wishing in years to come that you should have acted sooner .