Hi all,
I wondered if anyone else gets irrationally angry when they find out that people have been gossiping about their infertility? We've been ttc 3.5 years, 4 failed rounds of IVF and currently saving for a 5th. During that time, around 15 of our friends and family have conceived and had babies, and we're now being lapped as people have their second (but that's another thread). Out of necessity due to repeated treatment cycles and not drinking, etc, we've 'come out' to most of our close friends, parents and siblings over the last year, and on the whole everyone has been supportive.
However. I can't get over how many people seem to think our infertility is fair game for discussion with mutual friends, neighbours, distant family members and any other random person they meet who has also had fertility issues (this makes it ok, apparently).
We've made it clear to those we have told, that we would really rather they don't take it upon themselves to discuss it with other mutual friends or family members. I know we should probably resign ourselves to the fact that infertility is one of those juicy things people will gossip about, but I have an irrational terror of being talked about or pitied, or just being a topic of conversation in general. It also feels like the one tiny thing we can control.
My MIL can't seem to get her head around this, and has evidently told most of DH's side of the family and people at her church, despite me repeatedly asking her not to. She has been fantastically supportive throughout this whole ordeal, but can't seem to get her head around this one thing. I have even said to her that if she must discuss it with people then I'd rather not know, but she still insists on saying things like "well, so-and-so guessed something was wrong and asked me" or "you've been married for four years, people will draw their own conclusions" - yes but they don't need you to help them along and give them all the gory details.
Now it seems DH's best friend has told his parents all about it, which I found out when MIL called me last night to say DH's friend's mum had mentioned our 'situation' when she popped over yesterday (they live over the road from each other). This is particularly upsetting as DH's friend and his wife have just told us they are expecting their second child, and evidently told his parents about our infertility in a kind of 'oh we're so worried about telling our barren friends our wonderful news', etc. We see his parents regularly at get-togethers, and I know I'm going to get a patronising arm squueze and 'how aaaare you?' head tilt next time we see them.
Aaaaand breathe. Well done if you're still here! I'm aware this is largely self-centred drivel but it feels better to have let it out.
I just feel so sad at the moment. Infertility has turned me into an obsessive, paranoid, bitter old hag
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Infertility
How to deal with gossips?
13 replies
AngelicaSchuyler · 14/03/2016 16:45
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